Forcing children to read makes them hate books: 3 reasons psychology shows why

Have you ever sighed and said, "My child doesn't read at all..."?

You lined up picture books on the shelf. You told them, "Go read." You even bought educational manga, wondering if that would work. Yet, your child still turns to their smartphone or games. As a parent, I truly understand that feeling of anxiety.

But I want you to stop and think for a moment. By being so fixated on "making them read," you might be the one destroying the relationship between your child and books.

From my experience working with children in psychiatric wards, I have witnessed many times how being "forced to do something" affects a person's motivation. Reading is no exception. A psychiatric nurse explains.

In 3 lines

• For a child to love books, the "experience of being around books" is more important than the "experience of reading" (Neuroscientist Toshinori Kato).

• The human brain has a characteristic of "feeling an affinity for things it is repeatedly exposed to" (the mere-exposure effect).

• The coercion of saying "Go read" destroys intrinsic motivation (= motivation that wells up from within).

Meditation and a short story 🧘

Researchers at Harvard University conducted an interesting experiment. It showed a strong correlation between the frequency of visiting the library with parents in childhood and reading habits in adulthood. In fact, whether they "read" books was less important than whether they "became familiar with the space where books exist." Familiarity with the object of a book itself becomes the foundation for later reading habits.

Today's 1-minute meditation: "Feel -> Move"

In yoga, we value "moving naturally by feeling" over "moving because you try to do it." Reading is the same. If you start with a sense of duty that you "must read," your body tenses up and your brain enters defensive mode.

Steps:

1. When your child is nearby, try quietly opening a book or magazine yourself.

2. If they ask, "What are you reading?", answer in just one sentence. Do not recommend it.

3. If your child picks one up, watch over them without saying anything. Even if they close it in 3 seconds, that is "OK."

This is the sowing of seeds for "feeling -> moving."

Let's ask AI

Here is a prompt example you can copy and paste.

うちの子（←年齢を入れる）は本が苦手です。好きなことは（←好きなことを入れる）です。
本に親しむきっかけになりそうな本や体験を3つ提案してください。
「読ませる」ではなく「一緒に楽しめる」視点でお願いします。

子どもが図書館や書店に行くのを嫌がります。
子どもが（←年齢）で、（←興味のあること）が好きです。
本との出会いを楽しいものにするための声かけや工夫を教えてください。

A Psychiatric Nurse's Prescription: What "Forced Reading" Does to a Child's Brain

Intrinsic Motivation and the "Undermining Effect"

According to the "Self-Determination Theory" proposed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, there are two types of motivation that support human behavior.

• Intrinsic motivation (doing it because you find it interesting)

• Extrinsic motivation (doing it because you want to be praised or avoid being scolded)

And what is important is the "undermining effect" (a phenomenon where motivation actually drops when you are rewarded or forced to do something you originally liked).

In an experiment conducted by Deci and others in 1973, children who originally liked puzzles were divided into two groups. One group was given a "reward" every time they did a puzzle, and as a result, their interest in puzzles plummeted the moment the rewards stopped. This is why systems like "get a sticker if you read a book" or "you can play games if you read" tend to be counterproductive in the long run.

Patterns of "Children Who Were Made to Study" Seen in Psychiatric Wards

Among the children I worked with in psychiatry, there was a child who had been required to "read for 30 minutes every day" since the lower grades of elementary school. At first, they read because they didn't want to be scolded by their parents. However, by the time they reached junior high school, they began to complain that "just looking at print makes my head hurt."

This is a classic case of over-adaptation (a state where one loses their own sense of self by constantly conforming to external demands). The act of "reading" had, before they knew it, become linked to the "fear of being scolded."

What "Book Experiences" Do to the Brain

Neuroscientist Toshinori Kato points out that the human brain has a characteristic of "feeling that things we are repeatedly exposed to are safe and familiar." In psychology, this is called the "mere exposure effect" and was proven by Robert Zajonc's research (1968).

By frequently taking children to bookstores and libraries, their brains learn that "a space with books = a safe and fun place." You don't have to read at first. Just looking at the covers is fine. That is the accumulation of "book experiences."

Practical Steps You Can Take

Weeks 1-2: Go to a bookstore or library once a week without a specific goal.
You don't have to buy anything. Tell them, "You can look at whatever you like," and the parent should look at their own books too.

Weeks 3-4: Do not criticize the books the child picks up.
It doesn't matter if it's manga, a picture-heavy encyclopedia, or a game strategy guide. A single comment like "That looks interesting" is enough.

Month 2 and beyond: Let them see you reading.
When parents show a habit of reading books or magazines at home, children often start to become interested in books as "something cool that adults do."

The desire to "make my child a reader" comes from a parent's love. However, try changing the way you convey that love just a little bit. That alone will completely change the relationship between your child and books.

Summary

• It is more important to create an environment where one can become familiar with books before trying to 'make them read'

• Coercion and rewards work in the short term, but they destroy intrinsic love for reading (the overjustification effect)

• By repeatedly visiting bookstores and libraries, the brain learns that books are 'safe and familiar' (the mere exposure effect)

• Showing children that parents are reading leads to observational learning

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Disclaimer

This article represents the author's personal views and does not endorse any specific products or services.
Please consult your pediatrician or a specialist regarding your child's health and development.
Information regarding mental health is provided for general purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
If you are struggling, please seek medical attention.

References:

• 'What children who dislike reading need is not a "reading experience," but the "book experience" parents and children share to raise book lovers,' nobicohttps://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/5dace8484947802a03ba210aed913054a3a79a0d

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer.

• Zajonc, R. B. (1968). Attitudinal effects of mere exposure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9(2).