The One Reason Your Conversations Don't Click
"Could you please do this a bit properly?"
"The atmosphere feels not quite right."
"Hmm, that feels a bit off..."
In situations where these kinds of conversations repeat, the communication is usually not clicking. The speaker thinks they have "conveyed their point," but the listener is left thinking, "I don't really understand what the problem is." And so, both parties end up frustrated, concluding with, "Just get it done somehow."
The true nature of this "conversation that seems to be understood but isn't" is a phenomenon where the structure of the language is broken.
And that is where "adjectives" come in.
| "Properly," "subtle/off," "good vibe," "solid" (limited to words that were originally adverbs but are being used colloquially as adjectives)...
At first glance, these are convenient words that everyone uses.
However, they tend to become "deceptive words" that bottle up emotions while leaving definitions vague.
For example, suppose you are told, "Do it more properly."
The more serious a person is, the more they will dwell on, "What does 'properly' even mean?"
But if no concrete criteria for action are provided, they won't know what to do next.
In other words, the word "properly" itself is not the problem.
The problem is that only emotions are being released without the "content of what is proper" being defined.
Let's look at what is happening here a bit more structurally.
Conversations essentially have two layers.
| Information layer (fact): Objective data and events
| Emotional layer (feeling): Subjective impressions and sensations
Ideally, these two need to be separated.
However, when conversations don't click, people fuse these two together using adjectives.
The word "subtle/off" contains various pieces of information embedded within it, such as "the numbers are insufficient," "it's behind schedule," or "the atmosphere is bad."
But if you just say "subtle/off," no one will know which information is the problem.
In short, adjectives are "compressed files of information disguised as emotions."
So, how can we decompress these "compressed files"?
The answer is to return to the extremely simple principle of "separating emotions from information."
For example—
X: "This is a bit sloppy."
O: "This slide is hard to read because the font sizes are inconsistent."
X: "I feel like the atmosphere is bad."
O: "I am concerned that no one has been talking with a smile for the past two weeks."
X: "Please do it more properly"
O: "I want you to read the manual before you start the work"
In this way, just by avoiding adjectives and using nouns and verbs, your words become significantly clearer.
This is not just a superficial rephrasing.
It is also a process of reclaiming the structure of information and thought.
When people feel that a conversation isn't clicking, they become anxious and emotional.
At that moment, they unconsciously try to use "adjectives" to get through the conversation.
However, even if you get through that moment, the fundamental gap remains unfilled.
Instead, "Why don't you understand?" or "That's why I'm telling you", the backlog of unresolved emotions just keeps growing.
That is precisely why, especially when a conversation isn't going well, I recommend sealing off adjectives.
"Properly," "subtle," "something like that"...
When you let go of those words, a real conversation begins.
The reason it doesn't click isn't because of your personality.
It's probably because of the "structure."
[Notes]
Having started the approach of analyzing structure, I am particularly keenly aware this time that the act of analyzing structure is incompatible with the act of "being emotionally supportive." To put it another way, it is highly incompatible with the female emotional "structure."
This "Structural Analysis Series," which attempts to debug "that vague feeling," is an approach to dissecting the current state of that condition, but you must never point it out to others. Especially, you must never point it out to your girlfriend or wife.
Please keep in mind that you must use this strictly as a reframing tool to debug "that vague feeling" yourself and change yourself. This is a series for straightening up your own act.
The previous #StructuralAnalysisSeries was...