What is happening behind the feeling that it is hard to make friends as an adult

When we were children, friends were made naturally.

Sitting in the same classroom. Eating the same school lunch. Going home at the same time. That alone created a relationship. No special effort was needed.

However, things change when you become an adult.

Making new friends suddenly becomes a little difficult. Even though there are opportunities to meet people, relationships do not deepen. Many people have this feeling.

Why is that?

The reason is very simple.
It is because adults have their own individual lives.

There is work. There is family. The rhythm of time is also different for everyone.
Unlike when we were students, we do not see each other in the same place every day.
That is why relationships do not deepen naturally.

There is another reason as well.

When people become adults, they become a little more cautious.

When we were children, we didn't care if we failed.
Even if we fought, we would play together again the next day.

However, as adults, people try to protect their own territory.

Work status. Family circumstances. Past experiences. As these things increase, people gradually start to keep their distance.

This is not a bad thing. Rather, it is a natural change.

According to research by sociologist Robin Dunbar, the number of people with whom one can maintain a deep relationship is very limited.

It is fine to have many acquaintances.
But it is said that truly close relationships are at most around five people.
In other words, in life, it is more realistic to connect deeply with a small number of people than to connect shallowly with many.

Knowing this fact changes one's perspective on adult friendship a little.

It does not mean that you have fewer friends.
It means that relationships are being chosen.

The same school. The same club. The same classroom. Student-era relationships were connected by location.

But adult friendships are a little different.

Making time to meet. Staying in touch even when busy. Being able to talk again even if you haven't seen each other for years. Relationships change into something determined by density, not quantity.

Interestingly, adult friendships have another characteristic.

Silence is not awkward.

When you are young, you feel anxious when conversation stops. You feel pressured to say something.
However, with people you truly get along with, it is okay to be silent.

Just being in the same space is comforting.
This is trust built by time.

As life progresses, people become busier. The time available to meet decreases. Yet, there are people with whom the relationship continues. Those are true friends.

So, if you feel that you have fewer friends lately, try changing your perspective a little.

The number has not decreased.
The relationships have become deeper.

In the first half of life, people expand their relationships. In the second half, they deepen them.
And many people realize this at a certain age.

The number of friends is not that important.

What matters is—

how many relationships you have that continue quietly.