Techniques of 'Itadaki-joshi' to Make Someone Unable to Leave You
A Behavioral Psychology Marketer Explains the 'Money-Making Manual' of Itadaki-joshi [Part 10]
Dependency—Security and Stimulation, Tension and Relaxation.
Techniques to make the other person 'unable to leave you'
In the psychology of human relationships, the most interesting phenomenon occurs when 'dependency' and 'security' appear alternately. It is a clever technique to make the other person unable to leave you by giving and then taking away a sense of security.
Why is this technique effective? It is because a complex desire for both 'stable security' and 'stimulating anxiety' coexists in human psychology. In other words, people get bored with complete security alone and exhausted by anxiety alone. By alternately satisfying these conflicting desires, it becomes possible to deeply shake the other person's emotions and create a state of psychological dependency.
How exactly do you develop this situation?
The method is surprisingly simple. First, start by thoroughly providing 'security' to the other person. When they want to be heard, listen attentively; if they have worries, show empathy; and offer kind words at the appropriate time. By doing so, the other person will strongly feel that 'this person is a special existence I can rely on.'
If you continue the state of being provided with security for a long time, there is a risk that the other person will lose stimulation from you and emotionally drift away. Therefore, as the next step, you intentionally create 'small anxieties'.
For example, delay your replies to LINE messages that you usually respond to immediately, or temporarily reduce the frequency of meeting up, creating a slight sense of anxiety in the other person's heart.
By making them feel this anxiety, the other person begins to ask themselves, 'Why am I feeling anxious?' And by feeling that the cause might be that 'the interest from you has faded just a little,' their obsession and level of interest in you will rise all at once.
In human psychology, there is what psychologists call a 'desire for recovery'.
When people feel anxiety, they have a strong desire to resolve that anxiety and return to the original state of security.
The stronger that desire is, the more their dependency on you increases, and as a result, the other person will start pursuing you of their own volition. The moment you provide a sense of security again, the other person will feel a more intense joy and trust than before, thinking, 'I can feel secure when this person is here.'
However, to use this psychological technique, a high level of balance is required. If the anxiety is too strong, the other person will be exhausted, and if there is too much security, they will get bored of you. To adjust this balance well, controlling the 'interval' and 'timing' becomes important. The ideal is to insert a slight anxiety at the timing when the other person starts to get used to the sense of security, and immediately provide security again right after. By doing this, the other person's emotions will continue to pursue you unconsciously.
As an even more advanced technique, you can incorporate 'unpredictability.' This means randomizing the timing of security and anxiety so that the other person cannot predict it. When the other person feels they cannot predict your next move, an even more intense dependency psychology occurs, and their interest in you rises dramatically.
What must not be forgotten is that this exchange of dependency and security is ultimately for the purpose of 'entertaining the other person'. The goal is not to excessively torment the other person. The goal is to deeply shake the other person's emotions by providing both 'stimulation' and 'security' in a balanced way, creating a state where they cannot leave you in a natural way.
Human relationships are, ultimately, a game of emotional exchange.
Why don't you also try to skillfully control the other person's heart using this technique of alternately providing dependency and security? Without them noticing, you might become an irreplaceable existence for them.
※Postscript
This article is based on the perspective of explaining the 'Money-Making Manual'.
Dopamine, whose role as a 'reward prediction' substance has been clarified in brain science in recent years, was previously called a 'pleasure substance,' but it has recently been understood that dopamine is secreted due to errors in reward prediction. The addictiveness of things like pachinko, which uses effects where 'super-hot' moments sometimes hit and sometimes miss, is explained by these factors.