Before You Blame Yourself

It didn't go well again—

It didn't work out again.
I did it again.

Every time we fail, we doubt our own willpower.
"I should have tried harder."
"Why couldn't I just hold it together back then?"
But before you fall into the loop of self-blame, thinking "I'm just a failure after all," there is one thing I want you to check.

Who made the "rules" that dictate your actions?

People are driven by "rules."
Some are codified like laws, while others are implicit, such as "reading the room" or "this is what people normally do."

You should wake up early.
You should use polite language with your seniors.
You should reply to messages quickly.
Being patient is how an adult handles things, right?

All of these lurk in our daily lives as rules that control our behavior.

And most of them are—
things made by others.

The problem is that we end up internalizing these externally imposed rules before we even realize it.

We convince ourselves that "work is supposed to be hard" and can't rest even when we're exhausted.
We believe "marriage should happen by age 30" and rush to find a partner.
These "truths" seem unquestionable, but in reality, they are nothing more than structured rules.

Moreover, when those rules don't fit, we start to think, "Is there something wrong with me?" That is the true nature of self-blame.

Here is an important question to ask.

"Are these rules really necessary?"

We are quick to blame ourselves for why things "don't go well," but in reality, the "rules themselves" often don't fit the current reality.

For example, some people wear themselves out because they believe they "should update their social media every day." But whether that is a necessary rule for your own life is a different matter.

The "rules" are outdated, yet you are trying to adapt using the latest effort.
It's like trying to use an iPhone with a Windows 98 operation manual.

It's not that your "willpower is weak." It's that the "rules are old."
And rules can be rewritten.

"Adjustment is more important than endurance."
"It is not rude to reply the next day."

"If you're tired, isn't it okay to run away?"

Only by redesigning these rules can people truly unleash their "innate potential."

First, change the structure.
That is the shortcut to "achieving results without overexerting yourself."

To those who, when they fail or things don't go well, blame themselves first.

You are not broken.
It may just be that the rules don't suit you.

If so, what should you do?

If so, let's rebuild from the structure up.

#RedesignSeries