The Reality of Postpartum Life That Awaited Me After Leaving the Hospital
Hello, I'm Shiori😊
I'm going to talk about my postpartum experience♪
The issue with my crotch after an episiotomy
I had an episiotomy, but I was too scared to have the stitches removed.
I also had a cervical laceration, so they used thicker thread than usual to stitch me up.
Because I didn't get them removed, the thread pulled at my skin and caused excruciating pain!!
I couldn't sit down normally ( ﾉД`)
To sit on a chair, I stacked bath towels to create an improvised
"U-shaped cushion."
I think back to that version of me and realize I was really resourceful to survive (lol)
Once I had them removed at my one-month checkup, it was so much better!
I definitely recommend everyone get their stitches removed while still in the hospital😊
Night crying + the dog joining in, of all things
The baby crying at night was, well, expected.
But then the dog started crying at night too (lol)
The house was just way too noisy.
When I took care of the baby and spent time with the dog to make up for it,
the dog developed separation anxiety,
and would even bark when watching me breastfeed...
I felt sorry for the dog and gave it attention, but
it turns out the "correct" thing to do was to leave it alone.
At least in our case.
It feels sad thinking about it now, but I was desperate back then.
The most painful thing: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (probably)
The most painful thing postpartum was
the numbness and pain from my right wrist down to my fingers.
I couldn't sleep at night, and
when I held the baby, I felt like I might drop her...
I was genuinely scared, wondering "what should I do?"
Looking back now, I can think,
"It was probably due to the swelling,"
"I could have done self-care like myofascial release,"
but I didn't have that knowledge back then.
I didn't know where to turn, and I cried many times from loneliness.
The 'garu-garu' (defensive/aggressive) phase definitely kicked in
Even though taking care of the baby was exhausting,
for some reason, I didn't want to leave it to anyone else.
Especially my own mother.
I insisted, "I'll do it!" and took everything on myself,
and ended up completely drained.
Even looking back now,
I wonder, "What was that all about?" but
I'm sure it was just a natural postpartum reaction.
Breastfeeding and Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER)
Every time I breastfed,
when the baby latched on, all the strength would leave my body,
and I felt a sense of nausea as if my life force was being drained.
Back then, I didn't even know the term "Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex,"
and I seriously got depressed, thinking, "Do I not have enough love for my baby?"
I mean, who would think that breastfeeding could feel disgusting?
I had imagined it would be a happy time...
"Are you producing enough breast milk?"
That casual remark
was truly painful for me back then.
Conclusion
I'm sure there are still many things I've forgotten, but I want to record as much as I can remember here✨
Now,
"I was just struggling because I didn't know better"
"My reactions had valid reasons"
I realize there are so many things I understand now.
Postpartum life
was not something that could be managed with willpower or grit.
I want to tell my past self that.
I also want to reach those who are struggling in the same way right now.
I hope this story brings comfort to even just one person💛
Thank you so much for reading this far♪