People's Thoughts

Today was my third consultation with a lawyer.

A consultation regarding divorce from my husband who has a persistent vegetative state.

Out of all the ones I've had so far,
I felt that this one was the most reliable.

I felt intuitively that if I were to ask someone, it should be this person.
Since the consultation location was near Yasukuni Shrine,

after the consultation ended,
I tried taking a walk through the shrine grounds.

While walking,
I felt that a shrine is love.

It stands firmly,
accepts all kinds of people,
and just exists there.

And that is
the same for my husband now,
so my husband is love,
and I felt he is very cool.

On a whim,
I went to a place called Yushukan.

A place with many exhibits related to war.

When I was dating my husband,
we went to Yasukuni Shrine on a motorcycle date in the spring,
and even then, when we entered Yushukan on a whim,
we both ended up with runny noses and crying our eyes out.

I wondered if I would feel a sense of nostalgia,
so I entered today thinking that,
but it seems they changed the layout
about a year ago,
so it felt like I was visiting for the first time.

However,
the moment I stepped into the exhibition space,
the air became heavy, just as it was before.

Armor,
rifles,
swords,
portraits,
picture scrolls,
cannons,
regimental flags,
sleeve insignia,
military uniforms,
bullet fragments,
a pot and kitchen knife,
a rope made from the hair of ten thousand people,
a will written on a scroll,
a palanquin for carrying the list of the war dead,
the character for 'life' after names,
a flight suit with bullet holes remaining,
many 'Mother' messages written on the backs of photos,
a bulletproof vest made from coins offered at the shrine,
a Japanese flag with messages from 750 junior high school students,
gloves,
the clothes and handbags of the Himeyuri Student Corps,
the tattered helmets
of the nine telephone operators,
a miraculous coconut,
a bride doll,
many memorial photographs.

Now that I am learning about life,
my heart was gripped by each and every exhibit,
and there wasn't enough time.

Those were certainly
things that someone had used,
and I kept thinking,
'What must they have been feeling?'

My life,
my husband's life,
and my children's lives
are certainly connected.

I felt once again that
there is no such thing as a life that belongs only to oneself.

While staring at the many memorial photographs,
being able to say in my heart,
'Thank you,'
'I am happy today too,'
is thanks to my husband.

At Yushukan,
the origins of Yasukuni Shrine
were also displayed in detail.

While reading it, I felt that Yasukuni Shrine
was founded out of people's thoughts.

And that is
not just Yasukuni Shrine,
but surely other shrines are the same,
and I felt that gods are people's thoughts,
which is why they have no form.

And now,
while writing this,
I am looking at the death of my mother.

My mother died by suicide.

Even though she was born in a peaceful era,
not in that wartime era where suicide was the only choice,
my mother chose that path.
I feel like she didn't know that her life was connected to others,
and that she must have found it hard to feel a connection with people.

I will absolutely never choose suicide.

Because I know the sadness of being left behind.

But,
I also understand my mother's pain.

In the past,
I also found myself raising my children in isolation before I realized it.

The more serious a mom is,
the more capable a mom is,
the more excellent a mom is,
the default is to just keep trying,
and not knowing how to rely on those around them,
they end up raising their children in isolation.

At the very least, for my own children,
I don't want them to have that kind of parenting experience,
so I will show them how to live through my own actions.

I decided that I would be the one to break this chain of painful parenting,
and now I am making a conscious effort to rely on others.

I am currently practicing how to lean on people.

In front of the Yushukan Museum,
there was a bronze statue of a mother with three children.

It is aptly named the "Mother Statue."

A boy,
a slightly younger girl,
and a baby,
all looking at their mother.

Many of the last wills and testaments exhibited at the Yushukan
were also addressed to mothers.

I suppose the background to that is that in those days,
men went to war and women protected the home.

On the back of a photo of a mother
found in the breast pocket of a soldier who died in battle,
the word "Mother" was written many times.

Seeing that, I felt the greatness of mothers.

Only women can nurture and give birth to life,
and that is precisely why
I became happy
to have been born as a woman.

The reason I can decide that
I will absolutely never commit suicide like my mother did, no matter what happens,
is because my mother risked her life
to let me experience the sadness of being left behind.
My mother is

protecting my life forever.

That is why I thought
I am a super lucky girl.

"Mothers" really are amazing.
(My vocabulary is failing me, haha)

#YasukuniShrine #Yushukan #ConnectionOfLife
#GreatnessOfAMother #PeoplesThoughts #Love
#ProlongedDisordersOfConsciousness #DivorceConsultation