Why "How many times do I have to tell you?" is counterproductive
■ Why you aren't getting through even when you're right
You are telling your subordinates the right things.
You want them to meet deadlines.
You want them to report back sooner.
You want them to improve quality.
You want them to stop repeating the same mistakes.
You want them to think and act more on their own.
What you are saying is not wrong.
In fact, it is necessary for the work.
And yet, for some reason, it doesn't get through.
The subordinate's expression stiffens.
They say "I understand" on the spot.
But their behavior doesn't change.
Have you ever had that experience?
■ Being right alone doesn't move people
In work, correct feedback is necessary.
They are violating a rule.
There is a discrepancy with a promise made to a client.
They are not meeting quality standards.
They are acting differently from the team's policy.
In these situations, a manager must speak up.
However, saying the right thing does not guarantee it will be understood.
People receive not only the content of the words,
but also "the relationship in which they were said."
The same words are received differently depending on whether they come from someone you trust,
or from someone you feel is constantly criticizing you.
■ Trying to "make them understand" creates defensiveness
When things don't get through, managers tend to explain even more.
"That's why it's like this."
"I told you this before, didn't I?"
"If you think about it normally, you'd understand."
"How many times do I have to tell you?"
The person speaking wants to be understood.
However, the person receiving it may feel:
They are being blamed.
They are being denied.
They are being looked down upon.
The more you try to force someone to understand, the more they go on the defensive.
Once someone is on the defensive, even correct information becomes hard to get through.
■ First, confirm the world as the other person sees it
Before conveying the right thing, there is something you want to confirm.
That is, what premises the other person was operating under.
Why did they make that judgment?
What did they prioritize?
Where were they confused?
What didn't they understand?
What information did they lack?
Confirming this can reveal background information that the manager hadn't seen either.
It might be a lack of understanding on their part.
It might be a lack of information sharing.
It might be ambiguity in the instructions.
It might be a misunderstanding of priorities.
Understanding the other person does not mean accepting everything they say.
It is about confirming the world as the other person sees it in order to grasp the situation correctly.
■ The tougher the message, the more the relationship matters
There are times when a manager must convey tough things.
Standards must not be lowered.
Improvement must be requested.
The person needs to realize their responsibility.
That is precisely why a relationship is necessary.
They listen to me regularly.
They don't make one-sided assumptions.
They look at the facts.
They expect me to grow.
When there is a relationship where these things are felt, it becomes easier for the subordinate to accept feedback.
Strictness is necessary.
However, it does not need to be conveyed through intimidation or denial.
■ Confirm the purpose of your communication
Before pointing something out, there is something you want to ask yourself.
What is the purpose of what I am about to say?
Is it to vent frustration?
Is it to defeat the other person in an argument?
Is it to prove that I am right?
Or is it to lead to the other person's growth and team results?
When the purpose changes, the words change.
Instead of "Why can't you do it?"
"What should we check so you can do it next time?"
Instead of "I told you this before, didn't I?"
"Since the same discrepancy as last time is occurring, I want to look at the cause together."
Instead of "Do it properly,"
"I believe this work requires this level of quality."
You can choose how you communicate.
■ Checklist
□ Before saying the right thing, have I confirmed the other person's situation?
□ Is my tone trying to "make them understand"?
□ Is the purpose of the feedback aimed at improvement and growth?
□ Am I dealing with facts and actions, not personality?
□ Am I building a relationship where I listen to them regularly?
You are saying the right thing, but it isn't getting through.
The cause may not be the content, but the relationship or the way it is conveyed.
What a manager needs is not to let go of being right.
It is to create a state where being right can be received.
※ If you are struggling to organize your thoughts in a similar situation,
I also offer individual consultations via text.