To Me, the Day I Became a Mother

#To Me, the Day I Became a Mother

I became a mother, without a doubt, on that day,


when my daughter came into my womb.

The "egg" that was only a few millimeters grew little by little into the shape of a person,

and now, she is here by my side—

On a night when I am deeply feeling that this is a miracle.

When I became pregnant, I was working as a ground staff member at Narita Airport.

My shifts were irregular.

For shifts starting at 4:00 AM, I would leave the house at 2:00 AM.

Twelve-hour shifts, standing the whole time.

Even so, everything was for the customers, smiling, always smiling.

French twist, scarf tied neatly, I run through the terminal again today.

Meanwhile, behind the glamour.

Swaying, swaying, morning sickness.

MAAS pax... WCHR pax...

The one who wants to be attended to is me.

I am a Special Assistance pax.

At such times, when I gently stroked my belly, strength would mysteriously well up.

Yes, I am not alone right now.

"You should walk during pregnancy."

Perhaps this was the result of taking those words too literally.

No, even so, I think I walked too much all over the airport.

Eight months pregnant, "threatened premature labor."

When I said I wanted to return to my hometown to give birth,

my cervix was short, and it could happen at any moment,

they told me, "Get on the Shinkansen with those legs."

Feeling anxious, I returned home alone (+ one) on the Shinkansen.

The next day, when I had a local hospital check me,

I was admitted to a general hospital for emergency care.

Before I knew it, my life as an inpatient had begun.

My first experience living in a hospital.

IV drips, strict bed rest, and no moving except to go to the bathroom.

Even straining in the bathroom requires caution.

Doped up on medication.

Oh well, I was so careful about eating healthy food, too...

My only pleasures were my three meals a day plus snacks.

Lights out at 9:00 PM.

This was my daily routine.

Since my body wasn't tired, the result was insomnia.

And then, the fateful day.

I-I-It's born!

I ate breakfast right after this; I was tough.

The episiotomy was also relatively fine, since I wasn't exactly sober.

It was like, 'I'm going to stitch you up now!' 'Okay!'

Before I could even get caught up in how cute she was, the caretaking began.

Giving birth was painful, but

after the anesthesia wore off, going to the bathroom was extraordinary.

A baby who cries when I'm sleepy and want to rest.

Weight that somehow wouldn't drop even though I had given birth.

Of course, I always cared about my daughter during pregnancy, but

ever since she was born, it has accelerated even more.

Even when she's sleeping, I wonder if she's breathing properly,

if she's getting enough nutrition, if she's too cold, too hot, if her diaper is wet...

Somehow, I became nervous.

As a result, postpartum depression and massive hair loss.

Baby food was also a struggle.

Even after spending time making it, it would be grabbed by hand and mashed up.

I thought they were eating, but they were just throwing it.

Meal prep -> thrown in an instant -> cleaning up and wiping the floor.

This happened three times a day.

I was with them constantly.

The picky eating was also extreme.

Noodles, bread, rice... what, are you only going to eat white things?

One day, my daughter ended up collapsing from anemia...

Now she has no likes or dislikes,

and she is a cute daughter who says things like "I love Mommy's cooking," but it wasn't my doing that she started eating a variety of things.

It was thanks to daycare.

I think now that I should have put her in daycare sooner,

but at the time, I was just so incredibly anxious.

What if there was an accident or incident at daycare?

Leaving such a small child in someone else's care...

Am I a bad mother?

Is the three-year-old myth true?

Anxiety, just, anxiety.

🌸 To me back then

You don't need to be so anxious, it will be okay,

what you have done, although there were mistakes,

was not wrong overall.

The other day, the teacher told me at the elementary school interview.

"I think your parenting so far has been a success.

Please continue to raise her with lots of love."

I never expected to be told such a thing,

so I couldn't help but tear up.

Not just lessons,

up until now, for my daughter,

rather than just immediate knowledge,

I wanted her to grow up to be a child who is resilient,

and possesses the strength to live,

I wanted her to experience many things,

and many people of a wide range of ages,

Regardless of age or gender,

and I wanted you to have connections with people of various nationalities as well,

is what I thought as I lived my life.

Just my daughter and me.

I decided to go out into society rather than shutting myself away in a shell.

Because I realized early on that I could never raise her on my own.

Even now, I look up every local event I can find in newsletters and the like,

and I participate in them actively.

I have also been very well taken care of by children's cafeterias.

I've made many mom friends and found many places where I belong.

As she grows up from here on out,

there will surely be many unknown things and new challenges.

But, as long as I am with this child, I am sure it will be okay.

You are so lucky to have become this child's mother.

If you feel anxious about something again,

please, at that time,

remember the day you became a mother.

mana✿