Having a different opinion is not a rejection

How do you feel when your opinion differs from someone else's?

For example, how would you feel if someone around you said, "Isn't that different?"

Saying "Isn't that different?" might also be interpreted as pointing out that you are wrong.

But fundamentally, it just means your "opinions differ."

If you want to strictly distinguish between "facts" and "opinions," it is important to be conscious of the subject, but in Japanese, the words for "different" and "wrong" are similar and confusing. Since being different and being wrong are two separate things, I believe we need to practice until we can speak in a way that distinguishes between them in order to grasp the situation.

Whether or not you can explain the difference between facts and opinions is overwhelmingly important, and I feel that people who cannot do this are in a very difficult position.

Regarding this point, it is helpful to note that Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel laureate in economics, stated in his book "Thinking, Fast and Slow" (Hayakawa Non-Fiction Bunko) that this is due to the structure of the human brain, where "people replace a difficult question with an easier one."

In other words, knowing what the facts are is the first step toward a solution.

Also, how many people feel rejected just by being told that they are different?

If you take it emotionally, you might feel sad because you weren't agreed with, or sometimes you might react in various ways, such as wanting to justify yourself, making excuses, or becoming aggressive.

Once that happens, you can no longer exchange opinions or calmly discuss your thoughts, so I would like to train ourselves in this area.

If you cannot accurately grasp the situation, you cannot make accurate judgments or take action, and if there is a discrepancy at the initial stage, subsequent actions will be off-target. Therefore, try to verify the facts for yourself rather than relying on speculation or rumors.

In the first place, I feel that in Japan, there is a significant sense of resistance, or perhaps alienation, toward being "different" from others.

Being different from others is not inherently a bad thing, and it is natural for everyone to have different ways of thinking, viewing, and accepting things.

However, even if you understand this, if you cannot accept those differences, it becomes a source of stress in human relationships. Therefore, if you reaffirm that everyone has different ways of thinking and values, and change your mindset to accept that being different from others is normal, you will find more peace of mind.

Some people might be hurt by the same remark (or event), while others might not think anything of it, and some might even use it as an opportunity to become more positive.

Having a different opinion is just that—a matter of degree.

Recognizing that being different is not a rejection or a refusal, but simply a fact, makes a big difference.

Once you get used to this way of thinking, it becomes easier to convey your own thoughts and opinions to those around you.

Since you no longer have to expect others to read your mind, you will be less likely to feel disappointed when those expectations are not met, and you can become more constructive.

For example, even when narrowing down to a single opinion in a group, it should ideally be better to decide after each person has put forward their own opinion, even if different opinions clash.

However, if you are worried about what people will think if you express your opinion, or what you should do if someone points out that you are wrong, it is difficult to express your own opinion.

What happens if something is decided while you haven't expressed your opinion in the meantime?

In such a case, it is unreasonable to expect others to read your mind when you haven't said anything yourself.

Also, it is not pleasant to play the victim on your own because they didn't read your mind.

In the end, staying silent will leave some resentment somewhere.

If it's about yourself, you can still say, 'I see, I'll try to think that way next time,' but what do you do if there is someone like that around you?

Some people might become overly aggressive when pointed out that they are wrong.

There is even an expression for this, like 'getting angry in reverse'.

In such cases, just like this, they are either not used to being pointed out, feel denied or rejected, or simply think that getting agreement is a good thing.

Humans are happy when those around them agree with them.

However, the reality is that this is not always the case.

Dealing with people around you in such times is difficult, but it is important to draw out what the other person is thinking and carefully explain that being different does not mean being wrong, nor is it a denial or rejection.

Regarding this point, the philosopher Russell also pointed out that 'it is important to learn the art of not getting angry at opinions different from your own, and to try to understand the reasons why such opinions emerged.' Since there are not only people who share your opinion, and there will always be people who criticize, I would like to acquire the skill of being able to listen to the other person's opinion without becoming emotional.

Just being aware of the difference between agreeing with someone's opinion, understanding it, and gaining something from it can change the future.

When you see such reactions from those around you, how about yourself?

It is also a good opportunity to look back and see if you are taking differences emotionally or becoming aggressive.

Because those around you are often a mirror of yourself.