46, twice-divorced. The story of how I, who was "too far gone," hit 500+ likes on Pairs and found the best girlfriend of my life
Nice to meet you, I'm Batsu-Otoko (Twice-Divorced Man).
In this article, I will talk about the process and mindset that allowed me, a 46-year-old, twice-divorced man, to reach 500+ likes (the cap) on Pairs and start dating a woman I felt I absolutely could not let get away.
"Matching apps are for young people."
"It's impossible for a divorced middle-aged man to start now, right?"
This is content I want those who think that way to read.
I thought my love life was over
When my second divorce was finalized, I honestly thought this:
"I guess my love life is over now."
46 years old. Divorced twice. Average looks. No special specs to speak of.
When I see talk about matching apps on X, people in their 20s and 30s are happily reporting their matches. Like, 'I got over 100 likes!' or 'I got a girlfriend in a month!'
"Can a 46-year-old, twice-divorced man enter that world and be taken seriously?"
I felt nothing but anxiety.
In fact, when I first registered, it was terrible.
I sent likes, but got no replies. I rewrote my profile, but felt no response. Even when I did match, the replies would stop after about three exchanges.
In two weeks, I sent over 100 likes. I got 3 replies. And I met 0 people.
With my 'age' and 'divorce history,' I thought matching apps were an impossible game.
I realized one thing, and everything changed
The turning point was a book I was reading for work.
It was a marketing book, but while reading it, I suddenly realized something.
"Wait, isn't a matching app the same structure?"
Who are you showing it to?
What to show
When to show it
How to get them to take action
What to use as a metric
It was the moment I realized that the things I do as a matter of course at work could be applied directly to mastering the app.
For example, a profile is an "advertisement." An ad written without a defined target won't resonate with anyone.
Photos are "creative." They shouldn't be just random shots, but things chosen by working backward from the impression you want to give.
There is also an optimal solution for the timing of sending "likes." Apps have days and times when users are concentrated, and if you miss those, your effectiveness is halved.
And the most important thing is what to use as a metric.
Most people worry about their "number of matches" or "message reply rate." But that wasn't the metric I chased first.
The 3 phases I went through
What exactly did I do? There are three main phases.
Phase 0: Knowing the rules of the game (about 1 week)
The first thing I did was thoroughly research how matching apps work.
Most people start creating their profile right away, but I didn't send a single like for about a week.
Why? Because you can't win if you play without knowing the rules.
For example, this video that simulates the structure of a matching app with 200 men and women is very easy to understand, but the data shown there is quite brutal.
Matching app users have about twice as many men as women
The probability of men sending likes is about 3 times that of women (46% for men vs 14% for women)
As a result, women receive an average of 46 likes per day, while men receive only 3
Furthermore, about half of the likes from women are concentrated on just the top 15% of men.
In other words, if you use the app without thinking, most men get stuck in a loop of "no likes → no matches → loss of confidence."
In gaming terms, it's like skipping the tutorial and jumping straight into a boss fight. There's no way you can win.
That's why I first thoroughly researched the following.
What kind of preferential treatment do new members get?
What determines the display order of search results?
When is it most effective to use the boost feature?
How is the number of likes calculated, and when is it reset?
When are users most active in terms of days and times?
Inserting this "research phase" changed the subsequent results significantly.
Phase 1: Building the foundation (1 week)
The next thing I did was build up a foundation of likes all at once.
On matching apps, the "number of likes" is displayed on your profile. If this number is low, you are immediately judged as "unpopular" and passed over.
Conversely, people will look at the profile of someone with many likes and think, "Maybe there's something special about this person."
In other words, the number of likes is an indicator of credibility.
The key point here is that in Phase 1, you do not approach your main targets.
You're probably thinking, "Huh?"
But think about it. If you approach your main target while your like count is low, they will see your profile, think "not many likes," and that's the end of it.
In Phase 1, I focused solely on creating a state where I looked like a popular member.
How I wrote my profile, how I chose my photos, and who I sent likes to were all optimized specifically for Phase 1.
Phase 2: Approaching your ideal partner
Once the foundation is set, switch everything over.
Rewrite your profile text. Swap out your photos. Change the communities you've joined as well.
Phase 1 and Phase 2 have completely different goals, so your profile should be completely different as well.
Most people create a profile once and leave it at that. But that means they are trying to achieve two completely different goals—"collecting likes" and "approaching an ideal partner"—with a single profile.
Maybe a dexterous person could pull that off. But at 46 and twice divorced, I didn't have that luxury. So, I separated them.
As a result, I hit 500+ likes (the cap) in one week.
From there, I carefully selected 20 people to meet, and 90% of them told me they wanted to see me again. I eventually narrowed it down to three, and I am currently dating one of the women I met through that process.
She has a great personality, our sense of humor clicks, she's cuter than anyone I've ever dated, and she's sexy, too.
My age and divorce history didn't matter
Looking back, neither being "46" nor being "twice divorced" was as much of a handicap as I had thought.
To be precise, there is a handicap, but you can overcome it depending on how you do things.
The important thing is to stop creating a profile aimlessly, sending likes aimlessly, and waiting aimlessly.
Properly design "who" you are showing, "what" you are showing, "when" you show it, and "how" you show it.
Just by doing that, the world of matching apps becomes completely different.
For those worried about your age. For those with a history of divorce. For those who lack confidence in your appearance.
It's okay. If I could do it, you can too.
Next time preview
In the next note, I will reveal the profile text I actually used in Phase 1.
How did I write about being "46 and twice divorced"? What did I hide, and what did I show? And why did I write it that way?
If you understand marketing concepts, you should be able to think, "I see, that's what it is."
If you are interested, please follow me and stay tuned.
▶ The complete record of the "Phase Separation Strategy" that allowed a 46-year-old twice-divorced man to hit the 500+ like cap on Pairs in one week (¥3,980, includes bonuses)
https://note.com/batsubatsuotoko/n/nc6fdddbb80f7