A story about crying in public

When I try to speak, it turns into a sob. I learned that only after turning forty.

It was the final exercise of the training to become a strengths coach. The person I was paired with was reading aloud the card they had written for me in front of everyone.

These were not superficial words.

I have a tendency to forge ahead, taking risks and ignoring opposition, without considering the return. I had never been able to put that into words myself.

My partner had seen it. They said I was someone who carves out a path. They said this after observing what I had said, how I had behaved, and what lay beneath those things over the course of a few days.

As I listened, my heart and body trembled.

When it was my turn to share my thoughts, I couldn't open my mouth. When I tried to speak, it turned into a sob. I learned then that you cannot hold back tears and speak at the same time.

I never thought I would end up like this.

That is because I had participated with a much colder heart and for much more pragmatic reasons.

When my child was born, I decided to spend the rest of my life for my child.

Even though I thought that, I was searching for something else somewhere deep down. When I was young, there was a time I was immersed in music. I think I wanted to find something I could bet the rest of my life on, just like I did back then.

In my forties. If I was going to master something with passion, I felt this might be my last chance.

That is why my way of searching was also pragmatic.

Something that would make me feel like betting my life on it, something that was a skill and not easily mastered, and something that would be useful in a management setting. Thinking with those conditions, I arrived at strengths coaching.

It has exciting, fortune-telling-like elements that make it easy to understand, but it is more scientific than fortune-telling. They say that utilizing your strengths increases happiness in both work and private life. I actually took the assessment myself, and I thought the report was accurate; it became a catalyst for knowing myself and an opportunity to gain a little courage.

I thought this would surely be useful in Japanese organizations. And even if people are interested, not many become certified coaches. If I could break through, I could contribute to my current job. In my head, I was calculating the odds.

With that mindset, I entered the training.

Four and a half days. There was a lot to learn, and the content was powerful. Even so, I think I was observing myself somewhere. Can this be used? How can I apply this? I was looking at it with those eyes.

That was the case until the final exercise.

But when the card was read aloud, those eyes stopped working.

It was a path I chose by calculation, but in the end, I encountered something I hadn't calculated. I never thought that being acknowledged would affect my heart and body so deeply.

I thought about it later. Why did I tremble so much?

I think it's because I felt like my entire being had been acknowledged.

Not just on the surface, but deep down. They saw parts of me I hadn't told anyone about, and instead of just saying it was okay, they told me that I was the kind of person who contributes in that way.

Things like that rarely happen.

Usually, we are seen through our roles. By our titles, our achievements, and our positions. That is also necessary. But it is rare to have the things that drive us from within acknowledged.

That is why, when it happened, I think my body moved before my mind did.

When was the last time you were acknowledged in that way?

Even if you can't remember, it doesn't mean you are lacking anything. It's just that such opportunities are very rare in this world. I think that is all it is.