My Heart Hard Pinch
“A Story About Fortune Telling”
Three and a half years ago, I visited a certain fortune teller with some friends.
This is a record of my memories from that time.
We were 25 years old back then.
We had endless worries about work and love, and we always spent our time comforting and encouraging each other.
In the midst of that, I heard that a friend had been introduced to a fortune teller by someone at their workplace, and
on the spur of the moment, we decided to go as a life experience!
A total of five of us barged in, and we even had everyone listen to each other's readings and react, which was a strange sight no matter how you look at it.
The fortune teller even gave a wry smile, saying this was a bit unusual.
However, we have shared so much time together and have reached a level of closeness where being mentally naked in front of friends is no longer embarrassing, so we just did it without a second thought.
At least, that’s how I felt.
By the way, as for my stance on fortune telling,
I don't believe in it wholeheartedly, but I enjoy it as a form of entertainment—reading the Shiitake fortune twice a year and feeling happy or sad, using it as a vague guide for life, and hoping that believing in it will pay off.
I think people have long wanted to look into their own lives and the lives of others.
Of course, it also stems from politics and religion, which is also interesting.
The fact that it still exists today makes me think that everyone has a desire to borrow the power of something that doesn't exist.
I am no exception.
And spirituality is fun, after all.
So, that was the atmosphere at the fortune telling session.
Listening to my friends getting their readings, it was surprisingly accurate!
The situation, mindset, and personal details of my friends that I knew were being guessed one after another.
Even more than the person being read, the surrounding friends would gasp in astonishment over and over again.
Perhaps the moment humans realize that their inner depths are known, they unconsciously judge the other person as worthy of trust?
It’s a bit scary, but everyone there started to trust the fortune teller with great intensity, and the atmosphere became one of being completely drawn in.
At the time, I was working as a contract employee and living life in a daze.
In terms of romance, I had just ended a relationship with a colleague that didn't go well, didn't go poorly, and I just couldn't love them in a romantic sense.
In any case, I was living my life vaguely wondering if something interesting would happen.
And the result of the reading, the first thing the fortune teller said was,
“You are clinging to a past relationship too much. It’s been too long.”
I was speechless.
My friends behind me burst into laughter.
When I listen to the recording from that time, you can hear the sound of them slapping the sofa and laughing hysterically.
So rude.
Well, it was accurate enough to make them laugh that hard.
In fact, I had been clinging to a relationship that had already ended about two years prior.
And as for the future result,
they said, “You will be deceived one more time before you meet a good partner.”
I had completely forgotten the result at the time, but
in the relationship that actually started right after that, I had an experience that left me with a result that anyone would consider a major failure in life.
I don't know if the word “deceived” is correct, but as for the content that came out in the tarot, I feel it was “accurate.” Now that I think about it.
So that means,
does it mean things might go well with the next person I meet!?
Really!? Can I believe it!?
Setting aside whether it’s realistic or not, I feel now that there are things that change by believing in those words.
The fact that I remembered these words means that I might be able to interact with the next person I meet by believing in something other than just my own feelings, like “maybe I can spend my whole life with this person.”
Sometimes, the inorganic nature of tarot or the words of a stranger like a fortune teller can wipe away the anxiety I feel.
“You won't move forward unless you first break free from that past relationship,”
they also said, but
honestly, even three and a half years later, I don't feel like I've broken free, so whether it goes well or not... it’s ultimately up to me...
It’s been five years, though; it’s truly crazy.
In the reading, they also said,
“You lack the energy to dream or push forward toward the future in everything.”
I can't remember my situation or feelings at the time in detail, but I think this hasn't changed at all even now.
It’s probably not that I’ve been like that for the entire three and a half years, but at least I feel like I’m back here again.
Life, it goes around and around...
The reason I ended up remembering the fortune telling from three and a half years ago is that there was talk of visiting the same fortune teller with my friends again this month.
Now that I’ve been fired from my company due to poor physical and mental health and have lost sight of myself, I have a very strong desire to blame something other than myself or my friends—some kind of power that doesn't exist in this world—and to cling to it.
When I got fired, I looked up my unlucky year.
It wasn't an unlucky year at all, though.
Whether then or now, I don't think I've ever been one to lean on or be infatuated with the results of fortune-telling, but
I do feel like borrowing a little bit of outside power to take another look at myself.
Being able to share the experience with a friend is also a big factor.
Knowing that a friend is behind me, ready to laugh at the moment I'm hit with some great revelation, allows me to face it with sincerity.
So, I'm planning to come back here and record the results of my fortune-telling visit.
I'm leaving this post here as an introduction for that.
What kind of results will 29-year-old me end up with, I wonder!
Stay tuned.
My Heart Hard Pinch / Relative Theory