Diaries are not for the 'past' but for 'tomorrow'. A new habit to turn your worries into color

I feel uneasy every day, but I've just been muddling through without knowing what to do about it.

Although I think about various things, I continue to carry this sense of unease without ever understanding its true nature.

I wanted to break out of that state, so I adopted a 'diary' habit, and a sense of creating my own tomorrow sprouted! That is what this story is about.

A history of stopgap measures for my unease

Actions I have taken until now

Looking back, I realize that to get rid of my unease, I only ever took actions that provided temporary relief.

Specifically...

・Studying at university lifelong learning courses (subjects unrelated to my current job or daily life)
・Participating in morning study and networking sessions on ZOOM (groups where I no longer have connections)
・Attending events or seminars after seeing flyers that piqued my interest
・Participating in online study groups to earn certifications

On paper, it might look like I have a sense of ambition, right?
It might make people think I'm someone who is always working hard and moving forward...

But in reality, I just wanted to add some excitement to my empty days; I didn't really have a vision for how to put that learning to use.

I'm left in a state of wondering, 'What do I actually have to show for it now?'

I haven't fully utilized the experiences or certifications.

I feel like I attended those events and seminars just because I wanted to be 'that kind of person'.

I would leave the venue thinking, 'That was amazing! How cool! I want to be like that too!'
But within a few days, I would return to my original way of thinking, repeating the pattern where the seminar participation became like a phantom.
(My homeostasis is too strong)

In other words, I think I have been masking my unease with short-term activities.

By realizing this, I decided to write down what I want to do and what I am thinking about, to re-examine my days, and to have a habit of reflecting on each day, so I started

『diary habit』I started.

For now, I decided to start writing a diary

My diary

I think keeping a diary is a common thing that many people do, but
to me, recording things in a notebook means 'leaving them behind',
and by writing them down, they are etched into my memory,
and I felt embarrassed if someone saw them after I was gone,
so I didn't keep a diary because I felt it wasn't worth leaving behind.

(My student diaries and parenting journals still exist)

But I started a diary for the time being, hoping that writing would serve as a detox.

Basically, I write it before going to bed that day.
If I don't have time at night, I write it the next morning. (Whenever I can write it loosely.)

The content is mainly about what happened that day, things I was happy about, feelings of gratitude, and things related to my children.

Something like, 'This happened today... it was a good day.' (An effort to try and end on a positive note.)

When I first started, it was just a diary.

Changes that occurred after continuing the diary

One month later...

Just writing a diary started to feel insufficient.

After writing the standard diary entry in about six lines, I started to follow that up by
thinking about and writing down, 'What would be good to do tomorrow?' or 'What should I leave as a sticky note?'

What this means is...

I, who spend my days without any particular events,

this change occurred because I started to feel like, 'I want to write something different in my diary tomorrow than I did today.'

If I just write a diary, weekdays usually end up with similar content.

It's boring to look back on, and it's boring to write.

Seeing the kids off, going to work, spending the day somehow, moving through a routine until evening, and going to sleep.

I started to want to add some color to that daily life and record it in my diary.

If I'm going to write it, I want it to be content I'll want to read again.
If I'm going to write it, I want it to be content that has at least a little bit of change and harvest every day.

Creating 'tomorrow' through a diary

And furthermore, in order to escape the state of 'that was all there was' or 'there's nothing else to write about' for the day,

I started listing things I want to do tomorrow as a plus alpha.

For example,
・Write down things I want to think about tomorrow (savings plans, circles I want to join, etc.)
・Write down things I need to do tomorrow (TODOs related to children, travel reservations, etc.)
・Note what kind of mindset I want to spend tomorrow with (e.g., I made a mistake today, so I'll spend tomorrow with zero mistakes!)

And then, I write that day's diary while looking back on that the next day.

On days when I can add my changes in feelings or completed TODOs to a diary that tends to have almost the same content every day, my sense of satisfaction somehow goes up♪

The feeling of adding your own sticky notes (pickups) to the daily routine that never changes.

Even though a diary is for writing about the past, it somehow makes me feel like I'm creating tomorrow.

By repeating this, I've become more conscious of how I spend my day,
trying to incorporate my own hopes of 'I'd like it to be like this if possible,'
and trying to incorporate possibilities like 'maybe I can do this.'

It's not just a diary for writing things down; by keeping a diary, I get the feeling that I am creating my own daily life.

What I started with the image of a diary where you just write down the past that has already happened,
by repeating it, has become a way to 'cultivate the sense of creating tomorrow.'

I used to seek immediate stimulation with a sense of urgency, but I think this 'just for now' approach was the right one.

It's not flashy things that color our daily lives, but small realizations or triggers that make it possible.

Now, I can't wait for the time to come every day when I hold my notebook and pen.