In your 50s, it's okay to decide what you 'won't do'

What are the things you wouldn't want to do, even if you were paid or asked to?

“Doing” or “not doing”—are you able to choose either one for yourself?

Reading Chizu-san's article was what prompted me to think about such things.

In it, there were words like,
“Deciding what not to do reduces your options, so you don't have to be indecisive.”
“‘Things not to do’ lighten your heart and your time.”
“It's not to slack off, but to focus on the things you want to cherish.”

These words really hit home.

But honestly, at first, I thought:

“What are the things I won't do...?”

◆ A gentle word that reached me when I couldn't think of any “things not to do”

After reading Chizu-san's note, I honestly wrote this in the comments section:

“When I actually try to think about it, I can't come up with anything I won't do...”

Then, Chizu-san replied like this:

“You should think about the things you ‘don't want to do’ ☺️”

That one sentence sank straight into my heart.

◆ “Things not to do” were actually hidden behind “things I don't want to do”

I couldn't come up with things I wouldn't do, but I could think of tons of things I didn't want to do (laughs).

I see. “Things not to do” isn't just about efficiency or household tips,
it was the moment I realized it meant
becoming aware of the “endurance” within myself.

◆ From things I don't want to do → to things I won't do. My list

I stopped “being overly considerate and anticipating needs” regarding my mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law is currently in a facility.
Since no one else was visiting, I thought, “I have to go.”
But the more I went, the more a sense of unfairness and unreasonableness built up, like “Why is it always me?”

On top of that, the facility would contact me about everything,
and if there was an injury, they would call me immediately.
I was constantly on edge, thinking, “Something might happen.”

But when I really thought about it,
I was acting like a 'good girl' without anyone even asking me to,
getting tired on my own, getting frustrated on my own, and making things hard for myself on my own.

So, I've decided on this for now.

“I will act when necessary. But if I'm not asked, I won't go.
When nothing is happening, I don't need to be on guard.”

I've switched from 'always worrying' to 'properly engaging when necessary'.

I stopped thinking 'I have to cook' even when I'm tired

Back when I was stingy, I used to think, 'If I make it from scratch, I can make 1.5 times as much for the same price!' compared to buying deli food or bento boxes.
(My inner cheapskate has been exposed 🤭)

But recently, I realized something.

If it means I'm going to be in a bad mood,
it's 100 times better for my family
if I just buy deli food or bento boxes and stay in a good mood.

I think the belief that 'it has to be homemade' or 'I have to keep food costs down'
was what was tying me down the most.

Taking it easy on days when I'm tired.
That might not just be 'slacking off,' but also a form of 'family security'.

I stopped folding laundry at night

Honestly, folding laundry at night was stressful.
After making dinner, cleaning up, and when the family started to relax,
I would be folding laundry in silence all by myself.
My mood was low, and my face looked stern.
I'm sure my family 'sensed it' too 🤭

One day, I thought,
“Does this really have to be done right now?”

So I considered getting a front-loading washer-dryer.
The idea that it could dry everything for me was like a dream...!

But it cost 300,000 yen.
My inner cheapskate gave up in a second.

Instead, I came up with a new method:
the 'hang it on a hanger and store it as is' style.

I hang all my T-shirts and dresses on hangers,
and when they're dry, I just pop them straight into the closet.

Just by eliminating the folding task,
I feel like the atmosphere in the evening has softened a bit.

The belief that I 'have to fold things properly'.
I'm glad I quietly let that go, too.

◆ Not doing things = Properly protecting yourself

Not doing things
wasn't about slacking off or cutting corners.

Notice the 'I don't want to do this' that has been hidden deep in your heart,
and acknowledge it by saying, 'I see,' and 'Then, let's not do it.'

I realized that this is not an act of rebellion, but
an act of self-protection that begins with 'self-understanding'.

Thanks to Chizu-san's note and your kind comments,
I have finally been able to decide, one by one,
on the 'things I won't do' to reclaim myself.

Chizu-san, thank you so much.

◆ What are the 'things you won't do'?

'I can't think of anything I won't do...'
When that happens, try digging into the 'things you don't want to do'.

Your own voice might be sleeping right there.

💬 Finally, a message for you

The things you won't do are a 'list of ways to protect your heart' that only you can write.
Why not write down just one thing today?
If you'd like, please let me know in the comments ☺️