What I, a former university rugby player, want to pass on to my Reiwa-born son about 'masculinity'

You were born this summer.

Since you are my second child, I'm a pro at holding you, feeding you, and changing your diapers. As a dad, I have no worries at all.

I thought that, but shortly after you were born, I quietly retracted my statement.

That's because when you arched your back powerfully and tried to kick your way out of my arms, I felt a sense of 'boy' that I didn't feel with my eldest daughter.

That might be natural. But I felt anxious about how to convey my approach to that natural state.

Just as I have felt a sense of discomfort with the masculinity I inherited from previous generations and environments, what I want to pass on to you might become a source of discomfort in your era. However, if that happens, I want you to just laugh it off and say, 'Dad, you're old-fashioned.'

My son, it is okay for a man to be weak.

I was involved in university sports my whole life. I played rugby and judo. Since I grew up in the early Heisei era, when Showa-era values were still deeply ingrained, I think I was in the midst of a machismo culture that valued winning without showing any weakness.

In that environment, there were many so-called homosocial situations where men would hang out and deepen their bonds through crude talk and behavior. At the time, I don't think I thought about it too deeply, and I just enjoyed those moments as they were.

On the other hand, a sense of discomfort always clung to me. I know now what that was.

It was that I wasn't valuing myself or others.

I was neglecting both others and myself for the sake of invisible hierarchies and the display of strength among men. Everyone is equal, and everyone deserves respect. But the 'masculinity' within those hierarchies is usually muscular, violent, and unconsciously makes others shrink and submit.

You might unintentionally conform to that masculinity for fear of disrupting the harmony of an organization. If that ever happens to you, I want you to keep holding onto the feelings you couldn't express. The time will come when you can organize those feelings into words.

When you set aside the masculinity defined by society or others and become flat, you can see how much you were trapped by something invisible. You will realize that everyone has their own arena and justice that they value. And you will likely struggle and worry about the inability to understand each other there.

At that time, if you'd like, I want you to talk to me. And while saying, 'Dad, you're old-fashioned,' I want you to tell me about the era you live in.