The Courage to Not Do What You Don't Want to Do
~What I, an HSP, Learned from My Cat: Part 1~
My cat, Kurumi, is a former stray.
*There is a photo at the bottom, so please take a look if you'd like.
Commonly known as Ku-chan, she lives by the stance of "I absolutely will not do what I don't want to do."
In a way, that is so refreshing that I even find myself envious of it.
I mean, who wouldn't want to cuddle their cute, beloved cat?
When I impose that completely self-centered desire on her...
Ku-chan resists with all her might, to the point where I feel dejected.
She stretches her front paws out straight to block me with everything she's got...
I don't want to do anything that makes Ku-chan uncomfortable, so I let her go immediately.
(Well, after that, she doesn't even run away; she just starts grooming herself right next to me.)
Setting aside the feeling of wishing she would give in a little more,
I was actually quite moved by her clear attitude.
Actually, I used to be a person who couldn't say no.
The thing is, I've always been the type who "can't say no when asked."
Perhaps because of my HSP temperament, I immediately notice people's moods and shifts in the atmosphere,
so I would go around in circles thinking, "It would be bad if I refused..." or "What if they end up hating me?"
Even for drinking parties I wasn't really interested in, I couldn't say no when invited, so I would go,
and when I got home, I'd be exhausted and hold a self-reflection meeting under my blankets.
"Why did I go...? I really just wanted to relax at home."
I'd feel all muddled.
But then, if I was invited again, I still couldn't say no.
I repeated that for a long time.
Ku-chan's "NO" is unwavering
In that respect, Ku-chan is different.
When it comes to things she dislikes, she immediately puts out a "No!"
For example, the moment she senses the presence of nail clippers, she dashes under the sofa.
She senses my intentions and turns her back on me.
(I do love the simple side of her that gets lured by treats, though ♡)
And she doesn't look sorry at all.
She goes back to sunbathing with a face that says, "Look, if I can't do it, I can't."
I think that decisiveness is actually quite cool.
I tried it, little by little
Inspired by Ku-chan's attitude, I started practicing "saying no" little by little myself.
・For gatherings I'm not in the mood for: "Sorry, I think I'll pass this time~"
・For sudden requests: "I have plans that day, so it might be difficult."
...When I gathered a little courage to say things like that,
it got across better than I thought, and surprisingly, everyone accepted it quite easily.
"Oh, I see, no worries!"
I was so taken aback by being told that.
I thought, 'Wait, what was I so afraid of all this time?'
Not wanting to do something is actually an important sign
Lately, I have come to accept that the feeling of "not wanting to do something" is a sign from my own heart.
・Feeling a bit uncomfortable
・Feeling heavy-hearted for some reason
・Feeling my body tense up
At times like that, I think, "Oh, my Ku-chan sensor is reacting," and I try to stop for a moment.
I try to stop and take a pause.
That might be telling me, "That is not the path for you."
You can still be loved even if you refuse things you don't like
Whether it's being picked up or being taken to the vet, Ku-chan firmly sticks to her "no."
But I still find Ku-chan just as adorable, and
I think (or I'd like to think) that Ku-chan trusts me too.
In other words, I've learned that saying "no" once in a while doesn't break relationships with people.
Learning the courage not to do things from Ku-chan
As someone with an HSP temperament, I tend to worry too much about other people's eyes and expectations.
But when I watch Ku-chan,
I think, "Living honestly according to my own feelings is such a natural and kind thing to do for myself."
If you think, "I don't want to do this," try stopping for just a moment.
That isn't being selfish; it's an important choice to protect yourself.
That is what Ku-chan, basking in the sun today,
is teaching me with her silent back.
