Life from 50 (So, what shall I do now?)

(October 2, 2013. An essay from 11 years ago)
The old saying, "Life is 50 years."
In this modern age where average life expectancy has extended into the 80s, 50 is just the halfway point.
An event that made me think about that.

The TV program I saw in the hospital lobby

I dislocated my shoulder in a motocross race a year ago.
After 10 months of rehabilitation, it still hadn't healed.
I couldn't even lift my arm to reach for chopsticks in a holder.
A physical therapist, seeing my struggle, recommended I go to another hospital with a "famous doctor."
When I went, the "famous doctor" took one look at me and diagnosed, "It's torn. What have you been doing for 10 months? It's a rotator cuff tear."

In the end, I had just been wasting my time going to a quack for 10 months.
Finally, I had endoscopic surgery to sew the torn rotator cuff (inner muscle) back onto the bone.
And now, I am in the middle of the ascetic practice of hospitalization, where I must remain still for 4 weeks, fixed in a brace that looks like a body pillow to keep my elbow raised so the stitches don't come undone.

One Saturday afternoon at the hospital, I was kicked out of my room so they could clean it.
I went to the lobby with a coffee in hand, and the TV was playing a program called something like "Why Are You There, Japanese Person?" (the title is inaccurate).
Having nothing else to do, I sat down to watch it.
It had been 16 days since I had last watched TV since being hospitalized.

This program is hosted by Yusuke Santamaria.
It was a show I would sometimes watch at home on Saturdays when I wasn't going motocrossing, because it was more interesting than the others.
The content that day was about a couple who spent 5 years renovating a building that looked like a ruined old castle in a rural town in Portugal, surrounded by pastoral scenery, and were now running it as a hotel.

The husband's worry was that "only 5 to 10 guests come per month."
But he clearly looked happy and fulfilled.

If it were just that, it would have been just another "Paradise of Life" show on a Saturday night.

But this time, I was intensely drawn in, to the point where I am writing about it here.
The reason was the life experience of this 75-year-old husband (though he looked young, like someone in his 50s).

This husband's background was that after graduating from Kyoto University, he was a "fierce" salaryman (an outdated term) at a major construction company.
Then, the death of a colleague from overwork prompted him to quit his job.
He said, "Life is not meant to be devoted to a company."

He started his own landscaping business, which became so successful during the bubble economy that he didn't even have time to sleep.
"I had plenty of work and plenty of money, but my own life was empty..."
One day, he felt that way and closed the business.

"I will live my own life."
He rethought things, decided to go to Portugal—a country he had visited in his youth and felt was "the place where everyone lives their lives most meaningfully"—found this building, bought it, and moved there.

He was 50 at the time.

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It was a show I often watched, but this time I felt a deep sense of empathy.

Actually, I had the same experience.
For 10 years after starting my business, I wanted to grow the company, so I worked recklessly, growing the company in order—design, advertising, telecommunications, retail—just as I had wished, and I was busy, had plenty of customers, and plenty of work...

But... "I am empty."

Like the husband on TV, I felt that way in my 10th year, came to my senses, and was a fellow traveler who had slowed down his pace.

My 30s were a time when my physical strength, energy, and eyesight were all at their peak.
I didn't participate in the Paris-Dakar Rally, which was my dream for starting the business, let alone domestic rally competitions; I didn't even take days off on holidays, and I didn't ride my bike for 10 years.

"Oh, what was this 10 years for in my life?"
When I realized it, it was a blank 10 years...

The memory of "that day" when I was stunned by that thought came back to me when I watched this program.
I was exactly 40 at the time.
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And since that day, I have reduced my work, returned to bike racing, and have managed to balance work and hobbies up to now.

Watching this program, I was stunned again.

"Now, when I turn 50, what dream will I challenge next?"
I hadn't thought about it.

"If it were me, what would I want to do next?"
Once again, I asked myself.

As if asking a small child about their dreams.

"Oh, I want to go on the route beyond the Australian tour I went on at the end of my 20s."

What came out honestly was the scenery I had dreamed of since I was a child.
It was indeed the scenery of that reddish-brown earth.