It seems there are different types of self-defense.

We are all
living while protecting ourselves.

We don't want to get hurt.
We don't want to be rejected.
We are afraid to admit that we were wrong.
We don't want our weaknesses to be seen.

When we feel that way,
people unconsciously try to protect themselves.

I don't think that in itself is a bad thing.
Self-defense is necessary for people to live.

But lately,
I have come to feel that there are different types of self-defense.

One is
self-defense that protects by attacking others
and justifying oneself.

The other is
self-defense that protects by valuing oneself
and safeguarding one's own dignity.

Though they may seem similar,
these two are completely different.

People who protect themselves by attacking others
cannot face their own pain or anxiety.

They are actually scared.
They are actually hurt.
They actually lack confidence.
They actually don't want to see the weakness within themselves.

But instead of admitting that,
they make the other person the bad guy.

"It's your fault"
"This happened because of you"
"I am not wrong"
"I am the victim"

By doing that,
by blaming the other person,
they try to suppress the instability within themselves.

That kind of defense
might protect them for just a moment.

They can escape the pain
of thinking they might have been wrong.

They don't have to touch their own weaknesses.
They don't have to see
that they are hurt,
or that they are afraid.

But in exchange,
they hurt the people around them.

They stab the other person's heart.
They make the other person carry the guilt.
They restrict the other person's freedom.
They blame the other person for being themselves.

And as a result,
they end up destroying the relationship itself.

This might be a way of protecting oneself that, while appearing to do so,
actually deepens one's own loneliness.

On the other hand,
there is also a form of self-defense that protects you by cherishing yourself.

It is not about
attacking the other person.

It is not about blaming the other person,
controlling the other person,
or proving that you are right.

It is simply
returning to your own heart.

"I am hurt right now"
"I am in too much pain to continue"
"From this point on, I want to protect myself"

By doing that,
you properly acknowledge
your own pain and discomfort yourself.

That is a quiet form of self-defense.

Even without making the other person the villain,
I am allowed to acknowledge my own pain.

Even without winning against the other person,
I am allowed to protect my own dignity.

Even without blaming anyone,
I am allowed to walk away from here.

Being able to think that way.

This,
I believe, is the self-defense of cherishing yourself.

Self-defense that attacks
is directed outward.

It tries to change the other person.
It tries to silence the other person.
It tries to make the other person understand.
It tries to protect oneself by blaming the other person.

But,
self-defense that protects dignity
returns inward.

How did I feel?
What was it that I disliked?
How much can I handle?
What do I want to cherish?

By doing that,
you return to your own center.

This difference is very significant.

Self-defense that attacks
hurts the other person's heart
while hiding one's own immaturity.

Self-defense that protects dignity
draws a boundary with the other person
while protecting one's own heart.

The former involves
dragging others into it.

The latter involves
taking responsibility for oneself.

Recently, I have
been feeling this difference very strongly.

Everyone gets hurt.
Everyone gets scared.
Everyone wants to protect themselves.

Therefore,
I do not want to deny the act of defense itself.

However,
depending on how one protects themselves,
people can hurt others,
or they can reclaim themselves.

Do you protect yourself by attacking those around you?
Do you protect yourself by cherishing who you are?

In that choice,
I believe a person's maturity is revealed.

And I,
want to be the latter from now on.

When I am hurt by someone,
instead of immediately attacking them,
I will first look at my own heart.

When I am not understood by someone,
instead of continuing to blame them,
I will choose to protect my own dignity.

In a painful relationship,
instead of becoming desperate to change the other person,
I will check if I am losing myself.

I
do not want to be someone who
hurts others to protect myself.

But,
I also do not want to be someone who
continues to hurt themselves to avoid hurting others.

Somewhere in between,
there must be a path of dignity.

Acknowledging one's own pain.
Not ignoring one's own sense of discomfort.
Valuing one's own boundaries.
Quietly distancing oneself if necessary.
Not staying forever
in a place that treats you poorly.

That is not coldness.

That is
sincerity in order to live one's own life.

There are different types of self-defense.

A defense that protects by attacking someone
and justifying oneself.

A defense that protects by valuing yourself and
protecting your dignity.

From now on,
I will choose the latter form of defense.

Not to stab someone else,
but to embrace myself.

Not to make someone else the villain,
but to ensure I do not leave my own heart behind.

I
am allowed to protect myself.

But I want to choose
a way of protecting myself
that allows me to like myself even more.

It is.