The Day I Accepted My Limits | Facing Atopic Dermatitis Treatment

Good evening. This is arinomama-nikki.

This is sudden, but today I would like to look back on my past and write about my body.

I think this will be a topic a bit different from usual, so I would be happy if only those who are interested read it.

I have had an atopic constitution since birth, and I have been using steroids, which are drugs that suppress inflammation, daily since I was zero years old.

However, when I was 20, after hearing about the risks of continuing to use medication from an acquaintance who was highly health-conscious, I began to try "steroid withdrawal" many times.

Skin that dries out and turns red. Eczema that gets so bad that even moving my body becomes painful. Days when I couldn't sleep soundly because I kept waking up to uncontrollable itching. Ten years of repeating the cycle of trying many times, breaking down, and applying steroids. After going through such a period, I miraculously succeeded in steroid withdrawal for two years starting the year before last.

If things keep going like this, I might really be able to stop using steroids...! Just as that hope was coming into view, this spring,

a relapse occurred.

For the past two years, I have endured even the most severe itching and eczema. I worked hard on dietary restrictions, avoiding wheat, sugar, greasy foods, and additives as much as possible. In addition to the symptoms on my body, the symptoms on my face also worsened, making me self-conscious about others' gazes, and there were times when it was painful even to drop off my child at kindergarten or make eye contact with my husband. Makeup was out of the question, I tied my hair up so it wouldn't touch my skin, and I could only wear clothes made of cotton with designs that didn't touch my neck.

“Someday I will be able to stop living a life dependent on medication.” I was able to do my best up to this point with that thought in mind, but

I might not be able to endure it if it continues any longer...

Even after my heart quietly cried out that it had reached its limit, thoughts like, “If I use medication here, I might return to being a body that is completely dependent on medication again, but is that okay?” and “I’ve worked so hard until now, am I just going to give up so easily?” welled up, but I decided to prioritize

the feeling of “it’s painful”

that I have right now.

I went to the dermatologist for the first time in two years, received steroids, and applied them exactly as the doctor told me to.

I felt a mix of conflicting emotions: the frustration of moving away from the ideal of “curing atopic dermatitis with my own power” as my skin became clear in just a few days of application—to the point where I wondered what I had been worrying about all this time—and the relief of being freed from two years of painful, long suffering.

Finding a good balance to live with it

I decided to rely on steroids for the time being to endure the pain, but I have not completely given up on “curing atopic dermatitis with my own power.” I hope to continue living with atopic dermatitis at a pace that is comfortable for me while continuing what I can, such as dietary therapy, moderate exercise, and relaxation methods.

The two years I have worked hard until now. This period was not a waste; it became a valuable two years where I seriously faced my health. Keeping a diary to record the state of my body and observing the changes. Thinking about how I could have a healthy body and what methods suited me, then putting them into practice and trying other methods. I think this was the period in my life when I was

“taking the most care of my own body.”

From now on, I want to cherish what I felt and realized in these two years, and while relying on medication, I also want to continue working on conditioning my body with my own power. If there is anyone else suffering from atopic dermatitis or other illnesses in the same way,

you are not alone, and I want you to fully acknowledge yourself for doing your best. I also want you to keep in mind that you should not endure too much and should make choices that feel comfortable for you.

Thank you for reading until the end. Your likes, comments, magazine additions, and follows... are very encouraging. I want to continue writing things that only I, who feels too much, can write.