9. Who am I ... Maya
Tokiko's Inner Trip: Yukinori Naoe's Meditation Experience
This article is about my mother's meditation experience.12 episodes in total, published in January 2001. The scenery she saw overlaps with my own. Watching her face the reality of her life, which could never be called privileged, was one of the greatest forms of guidance for me. I would be happy if you could read about the inner landscape of a mother who carved out her life through yoga and meditation.
Who am I ... Maya
Who am I
Maya: The Seer and the Being
I was finally beginning to escape from that state of panic. My inner self continued to shine, and I was drawn to that radiance. I don't need anything else, I am fine as I am, this is my everything, this is what I live for. It was so before I even thought it. And the outside scenery I saw with my physical eyes unfolded as a black-and-white world. My children and husband, who were so dear to me and like my own body, were black and white. Everything was black and white. What I thought was reality was a monochrome illusion. They say this world is an illusion, Maya, and I truly felt it was an illusion; I realized this is what Maya means. Now at 50, I know that, but I still love my children and husband.
Since then, I have been given many opportunities to learn over a long period, and most of them became good nourishment for my soul. And I think they were all things that re-questioned 'Who am I' from a new angle, regarding myself who is all light. I also believe that the reason I have been able to proceed safely until today is that I have always been guided and protected by the Great One and the Great Beings so as not to lose my way.
There were also many encounters. My beloved mentor, the Kobo Daishi Kukai whom I respect most, and the sacred Mount Koya. If I could, I would have liked to live by Kobo Daishi's side in the same era he lived. Even now, I visit Mount Koya several times a year, and each time, the feeling of being embraced by the spiritual energy of Kobo Daishi and Mount Koya fills me. It is my role to take people up there when I hear them say they want to go to Mount Koya; I feel as if it is a promise I made with Kukai. Also, Yoga and Mr. Takashi Hanari, whom I met when I felt my body and consciousness were falling apart. I was pushed forward from within myself, and before I knew it, I had become a yoga instructor. For those who meditate, yoga is one of the things to cherish in order to balance the body and consciousness. And Atma Vichara, the path of self-inquiry I learned through yoga, and my mentor, Mr. Sozo Hashimoto. He was my teacher for a long time. And, more than anyone else, the South Indian saint Ramana Maharshi and the holy mountain, Arunachala.
That night, I was meditating on my bed. The full moon, without a single cloud to block it, shone brightly in the window directly in front of me, floating in the midnight sky and illuminating me. I opened my eyes and stared at the moon as if drawn to it... Suddenly, the thought 'nothing matters' emerged from within. At that moment, it was as if I had instantly shifted to another dimension or something, and everywhere, everywhere, just a deep silence and overflowing bliss poured out and dissolved me... and then nothing else.... And it was morning. I make coffee, I send my children off to school. That 'I' was not me! The true me was simply there with silence. Simply being, I was the one who just sees, and the one who just is. This clear dual sensation, which is difficult to express in these strange words, continued until around noon that day.
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