Feeling distressed by expecting the same expression of love from others

It was marked as read. All I got back was a single sticker.

I had spent time writing a long message, imagining their day and trying to convey my feelings as clearly as possible.

I even thought about whether they were tired or if anything had happened to them today before choosing my words. Yet, all I got back was a single sticker.

In my head, the calculations start automatically. The time I spent versus the time they spent. The feelings I poured in versus the feelings they poured in.

The greater the gap, the more it feels like proof that I am not loved.

I thought, maybe I am not loved.

If you feel this applies to you, please read on.

But is that really the case?

You should stop expecting others to express love the same way you do.

When I say this, people ask, 'Are you saying I should just put up with someone who is less invested?'

That is not it. Differences in expression and truly being less invested are two different things.

I used to do the same thing.

There was a time when I kept working to support my family. Before I knew it, I had long since surpassed my partner's income. Even then, it didn't feel like enough, so I worked even harder.

To me, that was my way of expressing love. To keep moving, to keep supporting.

But I didn't get the same thing back from my partner. The more I worked, the less invested my partner became in their own work.

One night, I looked at the numbers in our bank book. This month, too, only my side had increased.

At that moment, I thought I wasn't loved. I thought, 'I'm doing all this, and yet...'

But deep down, I knew. I wasn't acting because I wanted to be loved. I felt that if I wasn't doing something, I didn't deserve to be loved.

Thinking that I wanted my partner to 'do the same amount' wasn't about love.I just felt like if they suffered as much as I did, my efforts would feel rewarded.

Why do we seek the same expressions?

Only you know how much love you have poured into something.

The time you invested and the words you chose are all contained within yourself. You cannot see inside your partner. Therefore, you end up assuming your own standards are the standard for the world.

Some people are not good at expressing things with words. Some people can only show it through actions. Some people do not base their sense of security on the frequency of communication.

If you measure things only by your own yardstick, you will miss all the signs your partner is giving.

The conclusion that 'if they don't return the same expression, they don't love me' is often too hasty.

There is one thing overlooked in the idea that 'if you can't match, it's better to walk away'

People sometimes say that if there is a difference in temperature, it is better to walk away without forcing it.

However, this treats 'differences in expression' and 'low temperature' as the same thing.

If it is a difference in expression, your partner is truly there.

It is just existing in a form that is hard to see.

If you decide that it is 'low temperature' and walk away, you end up letting go of a relationship where you were actually cherished.

If you rush to a conclusion without distinguishing between them, you will choose the wrong answer.

Which type are you? [By Archetype] How to show and seek love

Depending on your survival strategy archetype, how you show love and what you seek as 'proof of being loved' differs.

The Warrior type shows love by 'protecting' and 'working hard.' If their partner does not fight in the same way, they feel they are not being relied upon or cherished.

The Guardian type shows love by being useful. When the other person doesn't let them take care of things, they feel unneeded and start to doubt the love itself.

From the link in my profile, you can understand the true nature of your struggles and how to escape them [Survival Strategy Archetype] in 3 minutes. Check it out ⇒

@yayo_1coaching

What happens if you don't realize this as it is

If you keep demanding the same expressions from others as you give, you will only be able to feel secure with partners who meet that standard.

You will end up overlooking many people who truly cherish you, just because their form of expression is different.

When I could only measure love through action, I kept doubting the relationship itself just because the other person didn't act.

I understand now.

There were things I was definitely overlooking back then.

Before you demand the same expressions as your own

Today, the moment you feel disappointed by someone's reaction, I want you to ask yourself just once.

Are you seeking the other person's love? Or are you seeking validation for what you have done?

If it's the latter, the same thing will happen no matter who the partner is. Even if you change the expression or change the partner, you will not be satisfied.

Writing long messages and working constantly while staring at my bank book were the same kind of actions.

I wanted to believe that I had value equal to the amount I poured in.

I wasn't hurt by a single stamp because the reply was short. It was because my existence was built to feel shaken if there wasn't a return for what I had poured in.

As long as you do not stop measuring your worth by the return you get, you will keep returning to the same place, no matter who you are with or how you express yourself.

You are allowed to be here without needing someone to count how much you have poured into them. From the day you realize that, no matter what comes back after a message is read, you will no longer be shaken.