[New Rakugo] 'What if Meguro were as large as Hokkaido'

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The 4th Meguro Ward New Rakugo Contest
ThemeThis is a story written for the theme 'What if Meguro's XX were XX'.Shop Manager: 'Yes, welcome.'

Student: 'Oh, um, one special katsudon, please.'
Shop Manager: 'Coming right up, one special katsudon!'
Student: '... (feeling restless)'
Shop Manager: 'Hey kid, are you an examinee?'
Student: 'Oh, yes! That's right.'
Shop Manager: 'Did you come from out of town?'
Student: 'Yes. It's my first time in Tokyo...'
Shop Manager: 'I see. Well, you've got to eat our katsudon and win your entrance exam!'
Student: 'Yes, thank you! I was thinking of eating katsudon for good luck the night before the exam, and then I saw your shop.'
Shop Manager: 'I see. This must be fate. Here you go, special katsudon, sorry to keep you waiting.'
Student: 'Wow, amazing. It's my first time having a 2,800 yen katsudon. Thank you for the meal!'
Shop Manager: 'That's a great appetite you've got. You'll be fine for the exam.'
Student: 'Thank you. Getting into Todai (University of Tokyo) is my dream, so I'll do my best.'
Shop Manager: 'Todai...? Did you just say Todai?'
Student: 'Yes. The University of Tokyo, which I've always admired.'
Shop Manager: 'Not the Tokyo Institute of Technology in Ookayama?'
Student: 'No.'
Shop Manager: 'The exam is held at Komaba, right?'
Student: 'Yes. The exam is at the Komaba campus starting at 9:30 tomorrow morning.'
Shop Manager: '...Tomorrow? Kid, it's already 7:00 PM! How do you expect to get to Komaba by 9:30 tomorrow morning!'
Student: 'Eh...? No, I was planning to take the train around 7:00 AM tomorrow with plenty of time...'
Shop Manager: 'Listen, kid, where do you think you are?'
Student: 'Um... I don't know, but it's still Meguro Ward, right? The hotels near the exam venue were full, so I booked one around here.'
Shop Manager: 'Listen, even if it's the same Meguro Ward, this is Jiyugaoka. Komaba is at the north end of Meguro Ward, and this is the south end. Do you have any idea how far that is?'
Student: 'The distance is... isn't it about 10 kilometers?'
Shop Manager: 'You idiot! It's 600 kilometers!'
Student: 'Whaaaaaat!!'
Shop Manager: 'This is why people from outside Meguro Ward are a problem... You underestimate the size of Meguro Ward. The scale is different from other places.'
Student: 'H-how should I get there!? From here to Komaba.'
Shop Manager: 'Listen, if you want to go to the Komaba campus, the best way is to fly from Haneda, transfer at Yakumo Airport, and go to Komabano Airport. That's common knowledge.'
Student: 'What! A plane! I looked it up and it said to take the Tokyo Toyoko Line to Shibuya and then the Inokashira Line to Komaba-Todaimae!?'
Shop Manager: 'With such a leisurely train trip, it would take 18 hours even with an express! If it takes 18 hours from the first train, you'd arrive in the middle of the night!'
Student: 'Oh, no... I-is there no way to get to Komaba by tomorrow morning?'
Shop Manager: 'Wait a second. (Takes out smartphone) ...No good. There are no more flights. Even the first flight tomorrow from Yakumo Airport won't arrive until 11:00.'
Student: 'W-what about a car!? Can't I ask a taxi to drive through the night to Komaba!?'
Shop Manager: '(Operates smartphone) If you drive flat out on the highway without breaks... it's expected to take 14 hours. If you leave right now, you might just make it to the 9:30 exam... But the taxi fare will be 249,000 yen. Can you pay that?'
Student: 'It's over... My Todai exam... ended at a katsudon shop...'
Shop Manager: 'Can't be helped... Wait while I close the shop curtain.'
Student: 'Eh... Manager... where are you going...'
Shop Manager: '(Motorcycle engine sound) Kid, do you have your exam admission ticket? Then hop on the back! I'll drive through the night and take you to Komaba!'
Student: 'M-manager, are you sure!?'
Shop Manager: 'This is fate. It would weigh on my conscience if you came all the way to take the Todai exam and went home having only eaten our 2,800 yen katsudon. Now, hold on tight, I'm going to speed! (Roar of the motorcycle)'
Student: 'Whoa! Manager, isn't this too fast!?'
Shop Manager: 'When I was young, I was called the Lightning of Meguro, Thunderbolt, for tearing up the Metropolitan Expressway. Here we go, I'm going even faster!'
Student: 'Yikes, it's fast!'
Shop Manager: 'It's okay! Keep your wits about you! Don't fall off before you pass the Todai exam!'
Student: 'A-amazing. I didn't know Meguro had such big roads.'
Shop Manager: 'We're tearing down the 580-kilometer Meguro Longitudinal Expressway from Jiyugaoka to Komaba! There are highways running all over the vast land of Meguro. When I was young, I spent a week touring all of Meguro...'
Student: 'What a scale... I never knew Meguro was such a huge land...'
Shop Manager: 'The area of Meguro exceeds 80,000 square kilometers! It's 37 times larger than the rest of Tokyo combined. That is Meguro.'
Student: 'That much! What kind of map was I looking at to be so mistaken...'
Shop Manager: 'That's why I told you, don't underestimate Meguro! Here we go!'
Student: 'Fast! Cold! Scary! But I'll do my best!'
Shop Manager: 'Sorry about this. If it were a car, you could sleep, but on a bike, that's not possible. If you sleep, you'll fall off.'
Student: 'I'm just a customer, yet you're being so kind to me, I'm grateful. Are you okay, Manager? Driving all night like this.'
Shop Manager: 'No worries! Didn't I tell you? I'm Meguro's... Th... Thun... Thunder-bolt... ZZZ'
Student: 'You're totally driving while asleep! Hey, wake up, Manager! Wake up!'
Shop Manager: '...Ah, shoot! I was dozing off. I guess I can't beat my age.'
Student: 'C-can we take a nap or a break at a service area somewhere?'
Shop Manager: 'We don't have time for that. We have to drive without stopping to have any chance of making it. Talk to me, that will keep me from getting sleepy.'
Student: 'Um, where are we right now?'
Shop Manager: 'We've passed the Himonya Junction and are going through the Takaban Service Area.'
Student: 'It's hard to tell because it's night, but it's just flat plains. I thought Tokyo was full of high-rise apartments.'
Shop Manager: 'There are only 270,000 people living in 80,000 square kilometers, right? There's no need to live in apartments. Everyone lives in spacious detached houses and grills saury in their large gardens. That's the center of Meguro.'
Student: 'Everyone grills saury in their gardens!? That's amazing!'
Shop Manager: 'You shouldn't think of the scale of Meguro as the same as the rest of Japan. The Hibari Palace in Aobadai is 26 times the size of the Tokyo Dome and larger than the Imperial Palace.'
Student: 'Is Meguro Ward really in Tokyo!? Oh, dawn is near... Oh, this is... it's starting to snow.'
Shop Manager: 'This is bad... I didn't think about snow.'
Student: 'Is snow a problem? It won't pile up with just this much, right?'
Shop Manager: 'You're still underestimating Meguro. Listen, Komaba, where we're headed, is at the north end of Meguro and has a high elevation. If the road freezes and gets closed, we won't make it.'
Student: 'The climate is that different in the same ward!?'
Shop Manager: 'Yeah, it's different. It's standard for Komaba to be covered in snow this time of year. There's even a Komaba Snow Festival. The Self-Defense Forces build a snow statue of Fudo Myoo, you know.'
Student: 'I've never heard of such a festival.'
Shop Manager: 'I guess people from outside the ward really don't know anything about Meguro... Alright, I'm going to speed up even more! Yutenji, passed, 380 km! Nakameguro, passed, 430 km! Higashiyama, passed, 490 km! Almost there... almost there...'
Student: 'Oh, look, emergency vehicles are directing traffic!'
Shop Manager: '...Shoot. My bad premonition came true... The road from Ohashi Junction to Komaba Junction is closed due to snow... The highway only goes this far...'
Student: 'Then, is it local roads from here?'
Shop Manager: 'What time is it now?'
Student: 'It's 8:45.'
Shop Manager: 'Damn it... We came all this way...'
Student: 'Isn't it just a stone's throw away? Is there still a distance from Ohashi Junction to the Komaba campus?'
Shop Manager: 'It's 40 kilometers... We won't make it on local roads with speed limits due to snow... I'm sorry! Even though we came this far.'
Student: 'Don't say that, Manager, please look up. If anything, it's my fault for underestimating the size of Meguro Ward.'
Shop Manager: 'No, I should have aimed for Ebisu from Nakameguro and put you on a train from there. Because I insisted on the highway, we ended up at Ohashi Junction... Ohashi?'
Student: 'Manager, what's wrong?'
Shop Manager: '...There might still be a chance! Follow me!'
Student: 'Where are we going? What is this elevator?'
Shop Manager: 'Look, this is the Meguro Sky Garden!'
Student: 'Sky Garden!? Such a wide, green space on top of the Metropolitan Expressway building! Are you trying to show me the view at least, since I failed my exam?'
Shop Manager: 'No! We're going to fly from here!'
Student: 'No, I'm not going to die! I'll try my best on the exam next year!'
Shop Manager: 'You idiot, that's not it! Look at this information board (points)!'
Student: 'Paragliding experience... Why not fly like a bird while looking at the magnificent nature of Meguro? Two-seater with an instructor, 18,000 yen... Can you fly things like this in the Tokyo sky?'
Shop Manager: 'Usually you can't because it's controlled airspace. But Meguro is different. You can even paraglide from the roof of a building; that's how much nature and civilization coexist here.'
Student: 'Are you saying we're going to fly from here to the Komaba campus?'
Shop Manager: 'It's a long shot, but that's the only way to make it in time.'
Student: 'I'm afraid of heights, though...'
Shop Manager: 'This isn't the time to be saying that. Excuse me, staff member, I'd like a paragliding experience. What, from 10 o'clock? Please, somehow, a student's fate depends on this.'
Student: 'Hey, let's stop already. I'll give up.'
Shop Manager: 'OK? You'll allow it as a special case? Thank you! Alright, line check. We're going to tie the ropes to our bodies.'
Student: 'Wait a minute, why is the Manager flying? Aren't I supposed to fly with an instructor!?'
Shop Manager: 'I have a license. Most people in Meguro have one. Staff member, it's okay if I fly, right? OK? You'll allow it as a special case? Thank you!'
Student: 'Why are you allowing special cases so easily!?'
Shop Manager: 'That's how warm-hearted Meguro is. Now, let's go, get a running start... 3, 2, 1, GO!!!'
Student: 'Waaaaah! I'm falling! I'm falling!'
Shop Manager: 'You're not falling! You'll never fall! You'll pass! You'll definitely pass!'
Student: 'Falling, passing, falling, passing...'
Shop Manager: 'This is bad, there's less wind than I thought. At this rate, we won't get enough distance. I have to find a good wind somehow... Alright, here! I can catch the wind here! Good!'
(Staff directing at the exam venue)
Staff: 'Yes, everyone taking the exam, please hurry.'
Student: 'Waaaaah! Thud (lands)'
Staff: 'Wow! W-who are you people! Where did you fall from!?'
Shop Manager: 'We didn't fall! He's here to take the exam!'
Staff: 'You're an examinee!? Then hurry up. Most people have already entered.'
Student: 'O-oh, yes!'
Shop Manager: 'Alright, you made it! Go get 'em!'
Student: 'Manager, thank you! I'll never forget this kindness! (Runs)'
Shop Manager: 'Pass the exam and come back to eat at my place again!'
Staff: 'You guys, why do you come to the exam venue by paraglider?'
Shop Manager: 'Because it was down to the wire. We flew from Meguro Sky Garden.'
Staff: 'From that far away? And you managed to find an updraft? That's amazing.'
Shop Manager: 'Yeah, I'm a tonkatsu shop owner, so I'm good at deep-frying (raising things).'

(End)

[A Note from Aonoya]
This is a story I wrote for the 2024 Meguro Ward New Rakugo Contest. Unfortunately, due to various circumstances, I didn't end up submitting it, but I intend to write one every year as long as the competition is held. Amateur rakugo performers, would you like to team up with me and apply? I'm waiting to hear from you.

Bonus