The Time of Bananas

There was a time when I kept myself alive thanks to bananas.
There were three such periods in my life.

I was deeply wounded,
or forced to endure intense tension,
and had no will to live.
I couldn't bring myself to eat anything.
I was in so much pain I couldn't even get up.

That was how
days and days passed by while I just lay there.

Of course, I couldn't cook meals for my family anymore.
There was a time when I couldn't even eat with them.

When I got up to go to the bathroom,
it helped that there were bananas in the kitchen.
Even if I didn't want to eat,
I felt a sense of alarm that I really had to eat something, so I did.

Bananas can be eaten without any preparation.
You don't even need a knife.
They don't make your hands dirty.
Bananas are cheap and keep well.

During those times,
my daily meal was just one or two bananas.
People told me I would die eating like that, but
I was alive thanks to bananas.

How wonderful bananas are.
They are precious.

I realized this anew
when I talked about it at the hospital and
someone said, "Oh! Me too!
There was a time I lived on nothing but bananas!"
Ever since I met that fellow banana-eater.

And then,
we praised them, saying, "Wow, bananas are amazing!"
But that means...

there must be many other friends out there
who survived a life crisis thanks to bananas.

The Earth, the universe,
this world is amazing.
Is this what it feels like to be grateful to God?
I have yet to encounter anything
that I think is meaningless.

Bananas probably don't know it,
but you are wonderful.

There are things other than bananas, too.

Even in a locked ward where the windows wouldn't open,
I could usually open them about 1cm,
and when I buried my face there and felt the breeze on my nose,
I felt a little bit like I was alive.

When I was in a room like a solitary cell called a seclusion room,
I could only see people about three times a day,
but on days when a kind nurse was on duty,
she would open the window, which was very high up, just a little bit.
At that moment, by chance,
a white bird flapped its wings in the distance.
Ah, it had been such a long time since I had seen a living creature moving,
and tears spilled out.
I think it being a white bird was also a big part of it.
(Sorry, I don't mean to say that crows are bad)

What if
it were a room with no windows anywhere?
What if
the windows wouldn't open even 1mm?

Nightingale wrote long ago
about how important sunlight and ventilation are.
I think I was able to feel a fraction of her greatness
with my own body.
It's not just a matter of hygiene.

Light,
wind,
birds,
they keep people alive.

And bananas, too.

This world has mechanisms to support life,
even as it has forces that take it away.

May it turn well.
Even if it's just barely,
may it catch up to someone's pain.

Today, I am grateful to the wind, the light, the birds, and the bananas
that keep me and someone else
alive.

U Morimiya