[Creative Award 2024 Entry: Romance Novel Category] Sand Castle, Episode 39: Shinobu's Side - Toward the Future

"So, you're not going to live with Mai-chan after all?"

Usually, he would have been exasperated at this point, but Hiroki was different today; he was smiling and strangely generous. Perhaps the biggest factor was that Mai's attitude had changed.
After all, Mai is the best friend of Yuki-chan, Hiroki's wife. Naturally, as a husband, he would be worried about both of them.

"Well, in the end, this stance is the best for us. Amamiya 'Sensei,' thanks for the treat as always."

"Good grief... don't call me Sensei only when it's convenient for you. Get home safely."

I finished the tea Hiroki had made for me, checked the time, and left the pharmacy department.
When I'm on day shifts, I go back to my own place, but after a night shift, I make it a rule to go to Mai's house. It's easier to take things slow that way.

While being swayed on the Seibu Shinjuku Line, I fought off falling asleep, compounded by the fatigue of finishing a night shift. If I missed my stop, I'd be taken somewhere ridiculous.
When I arrived at the station, I sent a LINE message to Mai. Even though I hadn't told her my arrival time, she was wandering around the north exit of the station in a rough T-shirt and shorts.
Hey, hey, if this were Shinjuku or Shibuya, you'd get snatched up looking like that, I thought, my meddlesome nature kicking in.
Was she out shopping? I followed behind Mai, who hadn't noticed my arrival yet.

Her destination was just a convenience store. She was having the clerk pick out a pack of Marlboros, which she shouldn't even smoke. They were definitely for me.
Maybe I should learn from Hiroki and change a little, since I still can't break free from Marlboros.

"Um... next, the supermarket will open soon, so I'll look for pork..."

"Then maybe nikujaga today?"

"Nikujaga... is good, but I have asparagus and carrots... wait, Shinobu!?"

Mai, who was surprised like something out of a manga, smelled wonderful. Plus, she had her long hair tied up carelessly, revealing a seductive nape...

"...Mai, it's forbidden to show off such a delicious-looking nape and legs."

"D-delicious-looking... no one is looking anyway."

Mai, suddenly flustered and fidgety, is cute. Why does it look so cute when someone who is usually perfect gets shaken up by a little comment?

"No, there's one guy right here staring intently..."

"Geez... you idiot...!"

She hit my chest without a moment's hesitation, but there was none of the ferocity from the past. If anything, it felt a bit lacking.

"So, are you still going to the supermarket?"

"Y-yeah... I think I'll buy the pork after all. Oh, but maybe I'll go while you're taking a nap."

It seems my late LINE message messed up her shopping plans a bit. She must have thought I would arrive later.
Usually, she probably had a plan where I'd come over after this, we'd eat a late breakfast together, I'd take a nap after my night shift, and we'd go out together around the evening when I was ready to move.
But today, I definitely left the pharmacy department early. I even caught two trains earlier than usual. That's probably the reason.
I've gotten used to the work, and overtime has decreased. If that's the case, my honest feeling is that I want to see Mai as soon as possible.

"Hey, 'Mai-tan,' aren't you going to cuddle with me while I'm tired?"

"Geez... you're not a child, don't say such stupid things! I-it's embarrassing..."

While saying it was embarrassing, Mai kept her face turned away but still held my hand. This is basically a signal for yes. Honestly, she's not honest with herself. But that's what's cute about her.

"...What? Did I say something weird?"

"No, not at all. Maybe I can quit Marlboros if I'm with you, Mai."

"Really!? I don't know how a smoker feels... but you cough strangely sometimes, Shinobu, so I'm worried..."

Kind Mai doesn't stop me even when I smoke on the balcony. She just checks how many I've smoked, and if I try to go for a second one right away, she makes a sad face.
I'm grateful she worries about my health, but I can't easily quit as long as I have that empty feeling in my mouth.
Hiroki quit smoking instantly for Yuki-chan and the kid, but his method was just sheer willpower. That's not something I can imitate.



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As soon as we reached the room, I felt strangely aroused and hugged Mai tightly from behind as she took off her shoes.
It's not a city for young people, so being that unguarded in that outfit... even that handsome host guy who had his eyes on Mai came all the way here.

"--Ah, Mai, you smell good... I'm getting sleepy..."

"W-wait, if you're going to sleep, go to the futon..."

I meant that as a joke, but the sweet scent hit me with incredible drowsiness. I mustered my last bit of strength to pull back Mai's futon.

"Ugh... I really need to take a shower first..."

For a moment, I was about to be pulled into the pillow, but I managed to force my body up with sheer willpower.

"Don't push yourself, you can sleep first if you want. Are you okay?"

"I've just come back from the hospital, after all. I'll shower first... I smell like sweat."

In the end, I managed to take a shower, washed everything off, and stepped out onto the balcony looking refreshed.
Then, I casually lit a new Marlboro that Mai had restocked for me.
It's true that a day might come when I don't mind being without cigarettes. In the first place, I haven't stepped into the smoking room at all during my eight hours of work.
Recently, even when the senior nurse invites me to the smoking room during work breaks, the number of times I go has decreased. Instead, I feel like I've been going to the pharmacy department more often to bother Hiroki, who doesn't smoke.
If I could quit smoking, I'd do it right now. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be struggling...
Mai originally hates cigarettes.
That's because my late father was a heavy smoker, and the lingering smell of cigarettes was always mixed with the scent of another woman's perfume...
Because of that, my parents fought constantly. The fact that my father said it was work and the number of times he came home decreased day by day was probably also my mother's fault.

"Would Mai be happy if I quit this..."

When I glanced into the room, Mai was wearing an apron and happily making something. I can't eat much after a night shift, so maybe it was good that I showered first.
It's like a combined breakfast and lunch, which isn't good for the body, but it's comforting. Once I exhaled the white smoke I'd been holding in, I returned to the room.

"Thanks for the meal. Mai, you really are a good cook."

"Your body must be tired from the night shift, right? You can go to sleep first."

Watching Mai's back as she washed the dishes, I thought vaguely.
--In the end, the only way for us is to keep visiting each other's homes like this. As long as our family home exists, we cannot build a new place that would be a separate home for us as siblings.
Is Mai... happy with a relationship like this?
This question might last forever. It's fine for now. But Mai is still young. If she chose a path to be happy with someone other than me, she could eventually have children like Yuki-chan. Being with me means even that path is cut off.

"Why was I born as a stupid older brother..."

"Are you worrying again? I hadn't told you because I didn't think you needed to know, Shinobu... but I can't have children."

"Huh? W-w-was there some kind of illness!? I'm sorry, I didn't know anything..."

I sat up from Mai's bed and stared at her as she finished washing the dishes and got into the futon with me.
Since we've been in this relationship, we haven't talked about delicate matters yet. Besides, I didn't know if it was okay to ask about things like this, and I haven't actually laid a hand on Mai yet.

"It's natural that you didn't know, Shinobu, because I haven't told you. Also, I told Yuki-chan not to say anything."

"H-huh, eh?"

Hiroki probably knows about this through Yuki-chan. But that Mai is sick--?

"Is it that? Could it be, your kidneys?"

"No way, how did you know? Oh, right, Dr. Todo is in your ward, isn't he?"

I feel like Hiroki was barking about one of her kidneys not functioning or something a long time ago. Despite that, there's been no talk of artificial dialysis or anything, and I don't feel like she's on any particular dietary restrictions. Why on earth?

"Mai... is your condition bad?"

"No, not at all. Once I quit the cabaret club, my numbers improved, and I'm not even taking medicine now. Also, the reason it got bad all of a sudden was probably because my hormonal balance was disrupted by alcohol and excessive stress. So, it seems like I got better because I'm happy now."

Hearing Mai say she's happy now while smiling, I felt relieved. My strength left me all at once, and drowsiness set in.

"Mai, I... I think I can finally quit smoking."

"Really!? H-how are you going to quit?"

"Kiss me, Mai..."

When I closed my eyes and waited for a reaction, I heard Mai's voice in front of me, laughing softly as if she couldn't help it.

There's no point in continuing to smoke just because I feel empty. To make kind and cute Mai happy, I will also take a step toward the future.

--First, I'll quit smoking. That's where it starts.

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