Wild Sprint: With Disabilities, My Brother, and Anthropology
It is not about confirming that my brother with a disability thinks like a neurotypical person.
It is not about understanding his unique way of thinking as an autistic person, as opposed to a neurotypical one.
While following my brother's experiences and his way of thinking, I am re-examining what my own way of thinking is.
What I want to do is to partially understand myself by partially understanding my brother, and to understand an existence that is neither my brother nor me better than before.
A little while ago, I started watching "Lion no Kakurega" and came to like Mikkun.
I also came to like the actor Ryuta Bando.
Immediately after that, this book caught my eye at a bookstore.
Since I started raising children, I have recognized anew that everyone was born from a mother.
In this world, there are people who think similarly to me.
There are people who think differently, but we can find each other's ways of thinking interesting.
There are people who are hard to understand.
There are people I find charming.
I believe that all of this is reflected somewhere in what each person was born with, as well as the environment, circumstances, and experiences they have cultivated while living and interacting with others.
I have come to have doubts about simply judging good and evil based on my own standards.
Reading this book makes me feel like I can get a little closer to the way of thinking I want to have.
I believe that not knowing creates fear, and fear creates aggression.
The sight of the author's autistic brother going out alone in the middle of the night without anyone noticing.
Learning about the author's actions—not tying him down, not constantly monitoring him, contacting the police when he goes missing, and contacting distant family members only after daybreak—makes me feel a little lighter.
When someone with some kind of disability goes missing,
there is an opinion that the family should be watching them properly. Actually, I thought that might be the case too.
However, seeing the description of the brother being protected by the police and returning even when he goes missing, I simply gained knowledge that, oh, this is how it can be handled.
That when I face a situation that concerns me, there might be something I can do.
Then, my mood lifts a little.
Right now, when I feel anxious or get angry while raising my children, it is usually when I am feeling lonely.
However, when there is someone who will listen to me when I am in trouble, or someone who offers to help, my heart feels much lighter.
Even if I don't have any specific plans to meet anyone, just greeting someone in the same apartment building makes a huge difference in how I feel.
It is about showing that I recognize you, and feeling that the other person recognizes me too.
Being able to believe that I have the potential to have that kind of interaction with anyone might be what reduces my anxiety.
That everyone has different thoughts, and that their ways of interacting with the world, feeling, and expressing themselves are different,
I felt that anew after reading this book.