Why are they so different? ~The essence of children I realized through parenting~

Although Golden Week is over, it's a Saturday morning where the Golden Week mood hasn't quite worn off yet.
Today, I'm going to write an article about parenting.

“Even though I'm raising them the same way, why are they so different?”
When raising siblings, don't you ever feel that way?

My own daughters are growing up in the same environment, yet their personalities and ways of thinking are completely different.

One is the type who won't move until she thinks she can do it perfectly.

She dislikes failing, and when starting something new, she won't easily take action until she is convinced within herself that “this will be okay.”

She has a strong desire not to show failure to others and is very cautious.
On the other hand, she goes straight for what she is interested in.
I feel that her concentration when she decides for herself that she will “do it” is amazing.

The other one is the exact opposite, an intuitive type.

“That looks fun!”
If she thinks that, she's the type to just give it a try.

She doesn't really mind if she fails.
She acts first and learns along the way. She is full of curiosity and takes on various challenges.

Born from the same parents and raised in the same way, yet they are this different.

When raising children, I feel that “there really is an innate essence.”

Parenting is not about searching for the correct answer

I used to think,
“Would it be better to do it this way?”
“How can I help them grow?”
“Should I make them overcome their weaknesses?”

In that way, I was searching for the correct answer to parenting.

But depending on the child, the words that suit them, the environment where they feel safe, and the pace at which they can do their best are all different.

The same method might not suit the other child.
It worked well for the older one, but it doesn't resonate with the younger one.

While feeling things like that, I realized something.

Parenting might not be about “fitting them into a mold,” but about knowing the child's essence and finding a way to get along with them.

Trying to fix “differences” becomes painful

We parents tend to look at our children through our own values.

・I want you to act faster
・I want you to be more proactive
・I want you to do things properly
・I want you not to be afraid of failure

However, every child has their own pace.

A cautious child might not be 'timid,' but rather possess the ability to think things through carefully.

A child who acts on intuition might not be 'restless,' but rather possess the ability to learn while taking action.

Just by changing your perspective, what you thought were weaknesses can sometimes be seen as the child's talents.

Knowing their essence changes how you interact with them

When you know their essence, 'how you interact' with them will also change little by little.

For example, with a cautious child, if you push them too hard by saying,
'Why aren't you doing it faster?'
'It's okay even if you fail!'
their anxiety will increase and they will stop taking action.

In such cases, understand that they are the 'type who wants to prepare before moving forward,' and create an environment where they can feel secure.

Conversely, intuitive children are the type who just want to try things out.

Rather than stopping them too much over small details, it may help them grow more if you let them experience things by saying,
'Let's try it first.'

Of course, neither way is necessarily correct.

What is important may not be to conform to 'the parent's ideals,' but to find a way of interacting that allows the child to grow in their own way with peace of mind.

Knowing their essence makes parenting a little easier

Of course, there is no day when you don't worry about parenting.

There are days when you feel frustrated, and days when you think,
'Why don't you understand?'

But when you can understand that 'this child has this kind of essence,' the urge to force them to change will decrease a little.

Then, strangely enough, space will also be created in the parent's heart.

Instead of controlling the child, support them so they can grow up to be themselves.

That may be what parenting while getting along well with their essence is all about.

Parenting is also 'parent-raising'

While it seems like we are raising our children, we are actually being raised ourselves.

Through parenting, I feel I am being taught to notice my own habits of thinking,
to realize that I was demanding too much perfection,
and to learn that 'it is okay to be different.'

Even sisters are different.
That is exactly why it is interesting, and also why it can be a struggle.

But within those differences lies each child's unique charm.

Moving forward, I want to face my children while valuing their individuality, rather than thinking about how they 'should' be.

Since there is no single right answer to parenting, I hope we can enjoy their unique growth together.