The Courage to Watch Over: Tips for Parents Supporting Their Children's Dreams

Children talk about what they want to do and who they want to be in the future with sparkling eyes.

Watching them, I feel that
the very fact that they have time to talk about their dreams is a wonderful thing.

At the same time, what can I do as a parent?
Small questions sometimes arise.

Is it okay to just keep watching over them like this?
Should I be doing something for them?

Because we care about our children's future, we tend to think ahead.
I think that is a very natural emotion for a parent.

My eldest daughter is in the fifth grade of elementary school.
Since she was in kindergarten, her dream has remained unchanged:
to become an idol.

On the other hand, my second daughter, who is in the second grade of elementary school,
started with "I want to be a dinosaur!" and
now
wants to be a designer,
wants to be a YouTuber,
wants to be an artist,
and her dreams change from time to time.

Even as sisters, one keeps the same dream while the other's changes; they are so different.

Some children have dreams that never change,
while others have dreams that evolve.
But this is not a matter of which is good or which is bad.

When a child talks about their dream, parents tend to unconsciously "evaluate" that dream.

- Can it be achieved?
- Is it realistic?
- Will it be useful in the future?

However, this is not the child's perspective, but entirely an adult's perspective.

For a child, a dream is not a finalized goal.

"I want to try it,"
"It looks fun,"
"It looks interesting."

It is something born from such pure feelings.

What parents often misunderstand is thinking that a child's dream is something for the parent to support.

But in reality, the dream belongs to the child.

All a parent can do is
prepare the environment and
create a place where they can challenge themselves with peace of mind.

Excessive advice or thinking ahead
can, rather than nurturing the dream, deprive the child of the opportunity to think for themselves.

Many parents who become over-involved
do not intend to control or have their children do exactly as they wish.

You are simply worried.

You don't want them to fail.
You don't want them to get hurt.
You don't want them to take the long way around.

Before you know it, that kindness turns into meddling or interfering.

Things parents should keep in mind to avoid over-interference (1)

Do not provide the 'correct answer'

When a child talks about their dream, parents tend to look for the right answer.

But there is no right answer to a dream.

How do you think you can achieve it?
What is fun about it?
Try to be conscious of asking questions back instead of giving answers.

Just by doing that, the child will start to think for themselves.

Things parents should keep in mind to avoid over-interference (2)

Look at the process, not the result

More than whether the dream comes true, focus on what they feel and learn in the process.

Researching toward the dream.
Taking on challenges.
Failing.
Quitting.
Starting again.

All of this is a valuable experience for the child.

If you only look at the result, you will see quitting halfway through as a failure.

But if you look at the process, you will understand that everything is part of their growth.

Things parents should keep in mind to avoid over-interference (3)

Separate the parent's anxiety from the child's dream

This is a very important perspective.

The anxiety that parents feel belongs to the parents themselves.

If you pass that on to your child just as it is, they will feel like they are the ones at fault.

When you feel anxious, that is exactly when you should pause and ask yourself a question.

Is this the child's problem?
Or is it my own anxiety?

Once you can draw this line,
over-interference will naturally decrease.

When you hear the word 'watch over',
you might feel like it means doing nothing at all.

But in reality, it is a way of engaging that requires a great deal of energy.

Do not deny them.
Do not rush them.
Do not force them to reach a conclusion.

And show them through your attitude, rather than your words, that you believe in them.

So that children can pursue their dreams with all their might

Children can move toward what they
feel like doing at that moment.

It is okay if they change their minds along the way.
It is okay if they quit.
It is okay if they find a new dream again.

It is precisely because they have that sense of security,
that children can take on challenges with all their might.

Parents do not need to be the ones standing in front leading the way;
it is enough to be the ones watching over them from a little bit behind.

Without being over-interfering, but also without being indifferent.

I believe that finding that perfect distance
is what it means to be a parent who supports their child's dreams.