ADHD and I
What is ADHD?
The catalyst was work and my partner
"Fashionable ADHD"
Final Chapter
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1. What is ADHD?
Roughly speaking, it refers to people who are born with less development in the frontal lobe (the front part of the brain) than neurotypical people.
Specific symptoms include lack of concentration, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Examples include making careless mistakes, being unable to sit still in meetings, shopping impulsively, or interrupting others when they are talking.
Also, sensory hypersensitivity!! Sounds can seem too loud, or specific textures like clothing tags can be incredibly bothersome...
The severity of symptoms varies from person to person, but for me, the lack of concentration and sensory hypersensitivity (to sound) are quite strong.
2. The catalyst was my partner
I don't remember how many years ago it was that I first thought, "Maybe I have ADHD?" I've always been clumsier than others, made a lot of careless mistakes, and struggled to listen to people. When I was a university student, I couldn't manage my credits, so I had a friend check them for me once every few months (sad).
This is why I kept putting off visiting a psychiatrist. I feel like I have ADHD, but I have friends, I'm getting my credits, and I'm not having that much trouble at my part-time job, so I guess it's fine! 😄 *grin* I was actually getting by, so I didn't go to the doctor.
In the first place, the reason to "go to the hospital" or "get medication" is because you want to suppress your symptoms (*I'll talk about this in Chapter 3), and for those who don't, neither medication nor treatment is necessary. I was the latter.
The "troubles" started happening to me when I was in my second year of working. It was discovered that I was not listening to my partner whom I had been dating since my student days, far too often.
Case 1
Me: The hair salon is tomorrow, right?
Him: No, it's the day after tomorrow.
Case 2
Me: I'm going to see my friend in Kanagawa tomorrow, right?
Him: No, my friend from Kanagawa is coming to Shizuoka to see me.
There are many other times I missed what was said, but I've even forgotten those (my brain is trash), but these things happened so often that my boyfriend finally told me, "Kujira-san, there are times when you don't listen to what I'm saying."
Oh, did you notice? (Karen Matsumoto) I replied,
"I'm bad at concentrating on listening to sounds and remembering them, so those kinds of errors happen. I'll try my best, like taking notes, but I'm sorry, I might need you to get used to it." I didn't tell him I have ADHD.
My boyfriend understood without blaming me, saying, "Now that I know it's a premise that it's just how you are, thank you for telling me. So that's why you put subtitles on Japanese movies too." He is the best, most understanding boyfriend ever.
I wanted to be able to get things into my head even if I had to take notes, and if that was impossible, I wanted to take medication to suppress my ADHD symptoms. It was the first time in my life I considered taking medication, and the catalyst was my boyfriend. It's sad and such a waste that I "can't listen to or forget what my important partner says." Thinking that, I went to see a psychosomatic clinic.
3. Fashionable ADHD
Being late, losing things... ADHD symptoms are "errors" that can also happen to neurotypical people.
I often see tweets like, "Forgot my university assignment, lol, totally ADHD lol" or "I was late again, so ADHD." And I also often see voices saying, "Don't call yourself ADHD lightly when you haven't even been diagnosed," "You're hurting people who are really suffering."
My personal theory is, "Do only diagnosed ADHD people know true suffering?" I think. That's a huge question mark.
Let me share more of my thoughts. First of all, I think about 50% of humans are ADHD.Strictly speaking, I think even neurotypical people have at least 1% of ADHD-like elements. Medically, this is wrong, so please take it with a grain of salt and consider it just one individual's opinion.
1. Even neurotypical or near-neurotypical people make mistakes.
2. ADHD symptoms and neurotypical mistakes are the same or similar.
3. That's why neurotypical or near-neurotypical people also say, "I'm seriously too ADHD."
Errors that an ADHD person might make 100 times in daily life are things that neurotypical people also occasionally make. That's why "making many mistakes" or "being sloppy" is described with the word ADHD.
How should I put it, that's just how it is. Even Professor Oak would nod at that; I think it's unavoidable. Whether the person on the other side of the screen who "lightly" calls themselves ADHD is neurotypical, in the gray zone, or ADHD is something only a doctor can tell.
And this is what I want to say the most: neurotypical people also have some kind of suffering they are carrying, and there is absolutely no way that it is heavier or lighter than ADHD! Everyone has their own personal hell, so before getting angry at self-proclaimed ADHD people, and before becoming a victim on my own, I want to be an ADHD person who imagines the invisible things behind that person.
In the first place, unless you are a doctor, you can't tell if the "self-proclaimed ADHD neurotypical" that diagnosed ADHD people are targeting is really neurotypical.
You go through the somewhat tedious steps of finding a hospital, making an appointment, and paying money to finally be diagnosed with ADHD at the hospital. Taking those steps is by no means "ADHD, the first-place winner of the suffering grand prix." It is "ADHD who wants to suppress symptoms."
People who are suffering but don't want to be diagnosed as ADHD, people who have ADHD but are so ADHD that they even put off making an appointment with a psychiatrist... I think there are various backgrounds for undiagnosed self-proclaimed ADHD people. It's not like only diagnosed ADHD people are suffering the most.
4. Final Chapter
I talked about the catalyst for going to the hospital and my thoughts on ADHD.
Dealing with my partner and working, honestly, I'm having many times more trouble than when I was a student, and I think ADHD isn't suited for modern society, but thinking about various ways to survive skillfully is fun, like a game. I feel like I'm doing self-analysis with much higher precision than when I was job hunting as a new graduate.
Instead of lamenting that I'm the most pitiful person in the world or that my future is bleak because I have a developmental disability, I want to be a bright ADHD person who thinks of various ways to get by and lives happily in my own way.