"Was I able to change?" Episode 4

I decided to make a video call to my daughter, Sara, on my smartphone. However, no matter how many times I called, it wouldn't connect. Feeling frustrated that it wouldn't connect, I muttered, "What is she doing?" as my anxiety and impatience grew.

Today is the day I look forward to going to the super public bath once a week. My home bath is an old design with a deep tub, making it a struggle just to lift my legs, so I don't want to use it. I usually just take a shower, but soaking in a spacious tub at the super public bath is a special treat. I've become increasingly afraid of slipping in my home bath, so I've stopped using it altogether.

After returning from my walk, I felt pleasantly tired and noticed that the tea I had already poured had gone cold, so I decided to make a fresh cup. I picked up the steaming cup and took a breather.

While holding my smartphone, I looked at the health food advertisement again. The brochure featured people with youthful smiles, and I wished I could be that energetic too. However, the thought of having to inquire about a subscription service weighed on my mind. I'm not good at talking on the phone. For someone like me who cannot hear, interacting over the phone is a major barrier.

I want to get unpleasant tasks over with quickly. I tried calling Sara on video multiple times, but it wouldn't connect.

I got tired of it not connecting, so to change my mood, I decided to go to the super public bath first.

I took my bath set and got on the bus to head to my usual super public bath.

As I stepped through the entrance of the super public bath, I was immediately greeted by warm steam. I received a wristband at the reception, took off my clothes in the changing room, and a spacious bathing area spread out before me. The bathhouse had various types of baths, including a Jacuzzi, an open-air bath, and even a medicinal herb bath.

I decided to start by soaking in the Jacuzzi. The water jets massaged my body comfortably, and I felt my tired muscles loosening up. The warm water soaked deep into my body, spreading a pleasant sense of relaxation. While wrapped in the comfortable bubbles of the Jacuzzi, I suddenly remembered Sara's childhood. The day she first entered a pool, the image of her smiling and enjoying the water popped into my head. Even back then, she was curious and loved trying new things, but she also had a shy side and was not good at speaking in front of others.

Next, I moved to the open-air bath. The outside air felt cool against my skin, and the steam rising from the tub created a magical atmosphere. As I soaked in the open-air bath, the blue sky spread out above me, and the sound of trees swaying in the wind accentuated the silence. The time spent relaxing in nature while wrapped in warm water is exceptional. I remembered a hot spring resort we visited on a family trip when Sara was in junior high school. She enjoyed the hot springs back then, too. Now, she is so busy with work that she rarely has time for such things.

I remembered how Sara had been my ears since she was a little girl. I lost my hearing when I was three, but Sara grew up in an environment where we communicated in sign language from birth. By the time she was three, she started interpreting phone calls for me. Whether we went to the hospital, the government office, or school, Sara was always there with me, becoming my voice and my ears. Even though she was naturally shy, seeing her speak up on behalf of an adult made me feel both grateful for her growth and sorry for her at the same time.

Deaf friends often visited our house. They, too, would sometimes ask young Sara to interpret for them. Every time I saw that, I felt her growth, but I also felt anxious that we might be relying on her too much.

I also remember when Sara wanted to go to university. At the time, our household finances were tight, and since I had a son just younger than her, I had decided that boys were the ones who should go to university. As a result, Sara had to give up on her dream of higher education. While harboring her frustration, she found a job at a local company. Perhaps she was unexpectedly talented to have secured a job during a period of high unemployment. Her hard work and perseverance are things I am proud of.

Sara's current life is also difficult. As a single mother, she is raising Anna while working full-time. Every day, she is caught between work and home, with no time to rest. It breaks my heart to think about how busy Sara's days are. At her workplace, expectations from her boss and colleagues are high, and there is a lot of pressure. She doesn't give in to that pressure and always gives it her all. Seeing her like that makes me feel both proud and worried.

Finally, I soaked in the medicinal herb bath. The scent of the herbs drifted softly, and with every breath, the fragrance spread through my body. While wrapped in the warm water, I felt the fatigue of my mind and body being healed. The medicinal ingredients soaked into my skin, and I felt refreshed. In my heart, I thought, "I wish Sara could have time to refresh herself like this too."

After fully enjoying my time at the super public bath and feeling refreshed in both mind and body, I decided to head home. After returning home, I picked up my smartphone again and tried calling Sara on video, but it still wouldn't connect. Even though I had just refreshed myself, I started feeling frustrated again because it wouldn't connect. This time, I decided to send a message. I sent multiple messages saying, "I've been calling you many times, are you busy?" but there was no reply. I became increasingly frustrated that it wouldn't connect.

When I called on video again, it finally connected, and Sara appeared on the screen. She looked clearly busy and apologized, saying, "Sorry Mom, I'm at work." The look of fatigue on Sara's face in the screen was evident. It breaks my heart to see her face, which is usually so energetic, looking so exhausted.

Trying to cheer her up, I said, "I went to the super public bath today. A large bath really feels good, doesn't it?" Sara smiled for just a moment and said, "That's good, I'm glad." However, that smile quickly faded, and she returned to a heavy expression. The look of fatigue in her eyes was deep, telling the story of how busy she is.

When I brought up, "I want to cancel my health supplement subscription," Sara didn't ask for details and just said, "Tell me the phone number," promising to call for me. "I'll send you a message when I've called," she said.

After that, I continued the video call for about an hour because I wanted to talk to Sara. Sara listened from across the screen, saying "Uh-huh," and occasionally spoke. However, I couldn't help but worry about her poor complexion. Sara was occasionally distracted by documents while we talked, and her busyness was palpable. It seemed she had to get back to work, so she said, "See you later, Mom," and ended the video call.

After hanging up the phone, I felt worried about Sara, yet I had no idea what to do. The room was freezing, so I stood up to make some hot tea. The moment I reached for a cup, a sudden pain gripped my chest. A sharp ache shot deep inside, making it difficult to even draw a breath. Before I could even think, "What's this?" my body swayed, and I collapsed to my knees, still clutching the cup. The cup slipped from my hand and hit the floor with a clatter, but the sound only vibrated through my body; it didn't reach my ears.

As my consciousness began to fade, Sara's face appeared in my mind. "I'm sorry, Sara," I whispered in my heart as my vision blurred. The last thing I saw was the familiar ceiling and the light flickering above it. Lying on my back, feeling the cold touch of the floor, my consciousness drifted further and further away.

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