Days when I want to meet someone from my memories.
"There are moments when I suddenly want to see an old friend or lover, but that is because I want to see that person who exists in my memories, not the person they are right now."
— Kenshi Yonezu
When I read these words, a warmth spread deep inside my chest.
Ah, that's exactly it.
The older I get, the more the feeling of "wanting to see someone"
appears with the face of a gentle illusion.
There are days when I suddenly remember someone I used to love.
What I remember are only the moments we laughed together or
his boyish smile.
Even memories of difficult colleagues, as time passes,
turn into a fondness
that makes me want to return to that time.
But surely,
who we want to see
isn't "that person."
It might be the "myself" from back when I was with that person.
The lightness of those days, the invincibility of those days,
the version of myself who laughed and said, "It's okay, it'll work out."
Wanting to see someone is,
in fact, a sign that "the current me is a little weak."
A feeling of wanting to lean on someone...
When the heart is wavering,
people want to reach out to the past.
But that doesn't mean I want to go back; it might just be that
"I want to embrace the person I am now."
Maybe it's also because of the season that makes one feel lonely for others. ♡
With age, I'm not as swayed by romance as I used to be,
and it's not that I want to return to that relationship with that person.
If we actually met, it would probably feel different.
They have changed, and I have changed too.
Time
gently makes memories beautiful,
so on days when I remember someone nostalgic,
I make it a "day to comfort my current self."
I brew some delicious tea or eat something I've been craving!
Not to return to those days,
but to properly return to the me of today.
Nostalgia is not a signal to return to the past, but
"a timing to rebuild your current self"
a gentle message.
Even if you feel an irresistible urge to see them, you don't have to.
Because who you want to see isn't that person, but
the "me" who was laughing in your memories.
And that "me" can always
be recreated starting now.
#WayOfLifeInYour40s
#MonologueOfAnAdultWoman
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