| Late-Night Dialogue Room | The 'Mysterious Cosmic Rules' I Came Up With During Fertility Treatment After Conceiving Two Children with an AMH of Nearly Zero
I have a daughter (Rocke) who has physical and intellectual disabilities. She is a second-year student in a special needs class at a public junior high school. Today, I want to talk about the fertility treatments I agonized over before giving birth to Rocke's siblings (currently 2 years old and 0 years old).
Recently, the children caught hand, foot, and mouth disease, I fell ill as a parent, and my husband had a stye, so our daily life hasn't been going as planned at all. I've left my note account neglected, but since my health has finally returned, I'd like to write again for the first time in a while.
Even when I wasn't feeling well, I still showed up to local study sessions, but the reality is that my 'laziness' has been fully displayed in the work of summarizing the content and confirming whether it's okay to post it later, so it hasn't been progressing much. Self-reflection...
At the same time, a project I want to move forward with in the community has also started. My already chaotic household has been dragged into even more chaos because of me, involving the whole family. But this busyness is a path I chose and wanted. That's why, as I am now, I think this chaos isn't so bad. (Maybe my family doesn't think so!)
Now, I will write about 'fertility treatment' from my perspective.
I have always loved children, and I once seriously thought about wanting to give birth to 11 children to form a soccer team. After my first child was born, I gave up on that dream once, but after meeting my current husband, I strongly wished to become pregnant again.
However, reality did not go that smoothly.
In this note, I will not write the details of how I ultimately conceived. This is because I followed a very rare case. That is precisely why I want to say loudly that 'information on the internet is not everything'.
There is something I really want to tell those who are currently struggling because they want children. It is the fact that 'even if your AMH (ovarian reserve) is near zero at age 40, you can still conceive two children afterward'.
It makes you feel desperate when your AMH is too low, doesn't it? Even when I searched, the personal stories of low AMH were limited, which made me feel even more depressed. I thought that if I had egg retrieval, I would be able to get eggs immediately, but I couldn't get any twice. You rarely see articles saying, 'I finally got one on the third try' (laughs). As for what happened after that, I scheduled the children's day from the morning with the intention of getting them, even inserted suppositories, followed the medication strictly, and I even experienced, 'The egg has ovulated' (meaning they couldn't retrieve the egg) (tears).
Therefore, as long as you are not medically stopped by a doctor, I believe you can still hold onto hope.
Treatment is a long journey. Even if you can store eggs, there are many steps: fertilization, growth, and implantation... I also experienced the despair of when it didn't implant. Even so, I have two children now.
If there is anyone currently in a maze, I want to convey at least this.
Don't give up until you are satisfied
Don't worry about what others say(After I got pregnant, I thought they were worth ignoring)
Have habits to warm your body, such as regular exercise(In my case, I feel acupuncture was effective)
Create your own 'satisfaction rules'
Finally, I will share the 'mysterious rules' I decided on to motivate myself. I imagined that my body was connected to the universe and decided, 'Let's try just 8 times, the same number as the planets in the solar system.' I decided that if it didn't work 8 times, I would give up. Do you think, 'Are you stupid?'
It might sound strange to say that my body is connected to the universe (laughs). My husband was also puzzled, and while I like Four Pillars of Destiny, I'm not very interested in spirituality. But when I became conscious of a larger natural flow, I saw a rhythm of '8 times' within myself.
I don't even know why it's '8' myself (laughs). However, if things in the world are decided by the laws of nature, I thought I would try to connect my own life to that rhythm. In that way, a romanticism I didn't quite understand was activated. (Shall I say, 'clutching at straws'!?)
During fertility treatment, looking at information online really takes a lot of energy. It's easy to have ups and downs every time you search, but I feel that reading positive articles is ultimately better for both your mind and body.
Right now, I am working on creating an information hub for families raising children using a local grant project. What I think about every day is, 'How can we create a place where everyone can live in their own way and feel comfortable?' Because I have the experience of desperately walking through the 'endless maze' that is fertility treatment, I strongly desire to create a place in the community where people can connect with one another.
I hope your heart, which is struggling right now, feels even a little bit lighter! If my 'eight times' romantic rule becomes a hint that helps take the weight off your shoulders, then that alone makes writing this worthwhile.
If there is anyone who is grumbling and worrying without having gone to a clinic (like my past self!), please just go to a clinic first. You can learn so many things! Please try taking one step forward first.