The charm of 'stretching' one's vocabulary, as taught by a 'harmonious melody'
One day.
After a small concert at school, I asked the club members to write down their thoughts.
Among them was this sentence. (I will share just a part of it.)
I was nervous for my first concert, but we were able to cooperate and play a harmonious melody.
To everyone who helped with the preparations, thank you so much.
When I read this, I couldn't help but smile.
What a wonderful combination 'harmonious melody' is.
And in the way 'tazusawatte' (helped/involved) was written, I could see the feeling of wanting to express gratitude using proper language.
Seeing it as 'interesting' rather than 'strange'
Of course, looking at it as Japanese,
'Tazusawatte' is easier to understand than 'tazusatte'
'Harmonious melody' might be a bit strange as a musical term
...there are points that one might want to polish just a little bit.
But before that, what I felt was,
I want to use words that sound like a club member
I want to convey my gratitude with proper phrasing
the charm of this 'stretching of vocabulary'.
For example, you could polish it like this.
I was nervous for my first concert, but we were all able to play in harmony.
To everyone who was involved in the preparations, thank you so much.
The idea is to keep the goodness of the original text,
while slightly adjusting the phrasing to make it flow smoothly.
Instead of using a red pen to mark it with an 'X',
'You were trying to say it this way, weren't you?'
'Then, maybe writing it like this would convey it even better?'
I want to engage with them in a way that feels like we are polishing our words together.
The feeling of wanting to write 'for the first time'
Another interesting thing is the opening line, 'Our first concert'.
Actually, this performance with these members is not truly the first one in their lives.
They have had opportunities to perform in various places before.
Even so, there must be a reason why they wanted to write 'first'.
The stage had a different atmosphere than before
The distance from the audience and the vibe felt special to them
The feeling of 'doing it all by ourselves' was stronger... and so on.
Thinking about it that way,
it might not have been a 'first' as a matter of fact,
but a 'first' that comes out when you feel in your heart, 'This is special'.
It might have been that.
Next time I talk to them,
'What do you think was the first thing about that "first"?'
'If you were to explain it without using the word "first", how would you write it?'
I would like to ask them slowly.
Not as a mistake, but as a 'bud of language'
In students' writing, sometimes
a little strange,
but oozing with their unique personality,
and making you smile when you read it,
such a sentence suddenly appears.
This time's 'Harmonious Melody' and 'involved in' were exactly such 'buds of language'.
Not to laugh at someone or pick at their roughness,
but to accept their newborn words by saying 'That's interesting' or 'That's good',
and gradually nurture them into 'writing that conveys'.
I feel that this is a modest joy
as an adult supporting the act of writing.
#HighSchoolerWords #StretchingVocabulary #BehindTheScenesOfAnEssay
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