A story about feeling a bit scared after surpassing 800 followers

In 10 days, it will be three months since I started note.

Thanks to those who have followed me,
those who always give me likes,
and those who leave comments,
I have been able to keep going this far.

Feeling the presence of someone
on the other side of the screen,
I am able to write again today.
Thank you so much.

My follower count has exceeded 800.
I am very happy.

But at the same time, as I wrote in my previous article,
I also find myself feeling a bit scared.

Until now, I have
“writing what I want to write at that moment”
as the only thing I have continued to do.

Things about psychology,
things about school education,
things about correspondence education and relearning,
things about child-rearing,
and things like a diary.

There is no consistency in the themes.

That is why my followers,
are truly a diverse group of people.

Sometimes I think,
“What should I write about?”I wonder.

I worry that long texts might take up too much of your time,
so I generally aim for around 1000 characters.
(And I am also the type
who gets bored of long texts myself... 🤣)

While thinking about such things,
I remembered the reason why I started note in the first place.

To put my feelings into words.

And to practice staying true to my own core,
without conforming too much to other people's expectations.

That was it, I remembered.

So, after all,

“From now on, I will continue to be honest with myself,
and write what I want to write, when I want to write it.”

I intend to go with this.

On note,
I feel like I am writing “the person I am”
honestly and just as I am.

The things one person thinks about
are not just one thing,
so I think it is probably fine
for what I write to be diverse as well.

I do not know if this is the right answer.
But for me right now, it feels the most comfortable.

…That said, in my heart,

“Someone, please consult me on my future direction!”

there are times when I am screaming that. Haha

I think that wavering is just who I am right now.

To be honest,
this might be the reason why I am a little scared.

“I have to respond properly,”
“I have to live up to expectations.”

I feel like those kinds of thoughts might show their face again.

Up until now,
I have had a tendency to
try too hard to meet expectations.

And another thing is,
the feeling that I also want to value my own time.

Not being able to read everything,
not being able to respond to everything,

I feel like I might end up
worrying about that myself.

But if I push myself too hard, it surely won't last.

So for now, little by little,

I might be practicing getting used to
a version of myself that says, “It’s okay if I can’t do everything.”

The part of me that wants to be liked, and
the part of me that doesn't want to be tied down.

Both are still very much here.

I still don't know the right answer,

but I intend to keep writing,
being honest with myself at that moment.

I would be happy if this place
could continue to be a place where you can
casually come to see “the current me.”