A memory that saved my future self🧸𓈒𓏸◌

When I was a child,

whenever I thought of my father,

I always felt,

a little bitter...🍃



The other day was the anniversary of my father's passing, so I went to visit his grave 𓈒𓏸

My father was a man who loved drinking and pachinko.
On his days off, it was his routine to go play pachinko with his friends and then go out for drinks, so he was rarely at home.

When I was a child, I only had eyes for those parts of my father, and I felt a little lonely 𓈒𓏸◌



Even so, as I grew older, my perspective changed little by little.

After I started working, I realized, "Working every day is so hard."

Managing my own earnings, I realized, "It wasn't a given that I would never have to worry about food."

And then, after becoming a parent, the scenery I saw changed once more.



I love my daughter so much, and I hug her tightly every day.

My daughter smiles at me and reaches out with her tiny hands to cling to me🐥 𓈒 𓏸 𓐍

Every time I experience the straightforward, unconditional love directed at me by my child,

"Was it like this between me and my parents too?🌼"

I've started to think things like that.

And sometimes, I suddenly remember events where I felt my father's unique way of showing love.

This is a memory from when I had just started working.

Even though I thought I had checked it many times, I made a mistake,

"Maybe I'm not cut out for the working world."

I was feeling so down.

One day, when I got home, there was a delivery notice in my mailbox.

When I received it, it was a birthday cake sent by my father.

"Oh, it's my birthday today."

I remember thinking that.

I shared the cake with a friend who lived nearby.

Back then, none of us had much money, so cake was a special treat🎂

The cake, which I hadn't eaten in a long time, was delicious, and my friend and I laughed and frolicked like children.

That time was the greatest gift my father ever gave me.

Thinking about it now, perhaps that cake contained my father's own way of asking, "Are you doing okay?"𓂃 𓈒𓏸



My father passed away shortly after I got married.

A little before that, he looked at my face and said,

"I guess I raised you well."

He said it triumphantly.

It was a remark typical of my father,
who was dramatic and joked about everything.

I couldn't help but laugh,

and when I replied, "Yeah. Thank you."

he smiled with satisfaction too𓂃 𓈒𓏸



I couldn't show him his grandchild, and I was barely able to do anything that could be called filial piety.

Even so, when I think of my father, the first thing that comes to mind is his smile that day.

I was able to say words that made my father feel even a little bit happy.

Being able to think that is what saves me a little bit right now.

Not being able to communicate well, missing each other,
or having struggles that go unnoticed.

Even so, now that I am a parent, I feel like I have come to understand a little that their own unique love remains in sudden events and casual words.

I don't know what my daughter will think of me when she becomes an adult.

But, even if it's just one thing,

"Oh, I was truly loved."

If there are memories left that make her think that,

I thought that might be enough𓂃 𓈒𓏸