The Excuse Called “For the Sake of the Children” — I, Too, Am Allowed to Be Happy
“For the sake of the children,” “for the sake of the family”—I’ve worked so hard thinking this way, yet I still feel unfulfilled somewhere inside.
In these days where I’ve given up on what I want to do, am I truly smiling from the heart?
Am I leaving myself behind, using the excuse of it being “for the sake of the children”?
Before being a mother, I am a human being. My being happy is not selfish at all.
This is a record of my small first step toward realizing that.
“If there were no restrictions, how would you really want to live?”
Words from speech consultant Shizuka Koga.
In the midst of days consumed by child-rearing, she had given up on what she wanted to do, thinking it was “impossible for her.” However, after someone asked her, “If there were no restrictions, what would you really want to do?”, she faced her own desires. Even if she couldn’t do them right away, by moving closer to those “things she wanted to do,” she gradually attracted the life she had hoped for.
Giving up on myself had become the norm—while saying it was “for the sake of the children,” I was leaving “me” behind.
In the days filled with child-rearing and housework.
“I have to go pick them up from daycare,” “My child won’t leave my side, so I can’t leave the house at night”—I can think of endless reasons why I can’t do things.
Since becoming a mother, my own needs have always been put on the back burner.
Before I knew it, I had become accustomed to “giving up” on things.
But then, it hit me.
Is this really “for the sake of the children”?
Even though it is my own life, am I using my children, child-rearing, and housework as excuses?
When I give up on what I want to do and endure something for the sake of my children,
am I truly smiling from the heart?
Am I enjoying the “now” with my children?
“Wait, is my parenting getting a little easier?” — A dinner at Bikkuri Donkey that gave me an epiphany
One Sunday evening, exhausted and thinking “I can’t try any harder,” our family of four went to Bikkuri Donkey.
While waiting, the children were fascinated by the robot, playing rock-paper-scissors and hand games, behaving better than I had expected.
When the food arrived, my 5-year-old daughter and my son, who will soon be 3, sat down and ate by themselves properly.
I was able to savor my hamburger until the end without being interrupted.
When I looked around, there were many families with children in the thick of parenting.
A baby being fed milk, a dad shoveling food into his mouth while holding a small child, a mom leaving her seat to soothe a crying child...
“Oh, my children have grown up before I knew it.”
And then, I suddenly realized.
“Wait? Is my parenting getting a little easier?”
The days of being woken up all night, making baby food, the period when I was chasing them around with all my might, the days when they were glued to me and I couldn’t move...
Perhaps that “stormy season” is, before I knew it, starting to pass.
Someone once said that there is no such thing as parenting that never ends.
Even if just a little bit, children are growing every day.
Yet, I might have been standing still, remaining the “me who is in the middle of raising small children” forever.
Isn’t now the time to update my internal sense that the phase of parenting has changed...?
It is no longer the time to postpone my own life using “because I’m raising children” or “because I have housework” as reasons.
The time has come to properly listen to my own feelings.
Fulfilling yourself is not selfish — The “Champagne Tower Principle”
If you do not pour champagne (energy) into the top glass (yourself), the glasses below will not be filled. By filling yourself first, that overflowing energy will fill the people around you.
I lived for the sake of others as a mother and as a wife, but these days I have finally realized that filling my own glass first ultimately leads to the happiness of the whole family.
“Parental happiness” and “children’s happiness” are properly connected
A parent's sense of happiness and a child's sense of happiness influence each other.
For the sake of the parent's own happiness, it is necessary to have a fulfilling daily life.
Yes, first I must fulfill myself.
Trying to achieve what you want to do is not selfish.
Before being a mother, before being a wife, I am simply "me."
For me to live as myself, and to be smiling.
That, perhaps, is the greatest happiness for a child.
Conclusion—
Goodbye to the me who always placed restrictions on myself.
Let's fulfill ourselves one small thing at a time.
So that "I" can be happy.