【Marriage Hunting/Reading】Reading 'Arrogance and Kindness' | There were too many poignant lessons to learn
I spent my time from age 24 to 29 seriously marriage hunting and met 143 people of the opposite sex.
At 31, I married a man I met on a matching app, and now we have a one-year-old child.
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In this post, I will share some points that might be helpful for those currently marriage hunting, based on reading the romance novel 'Arrogance and Kindness' by Mizuki Tsujimura.
1. People who succeed in marriage hunting
'The ones who succeed are those who clearly know what they want. Those who can see how they want to live their lives from here on out. People with a vision.' At Onozato's words, the face of Ayu, whom I had broken up with, suddenly came to mind.
Reading this, several people came to my mind as well.
A high school classmate who married at 22
I have a friend I was close with in high school who became a doctor.
When she was a third-year high school student, she said this:
👩 'After I graduate, I'll be too busy with work to even think about marriage, so I'll get married while I'm still in medical school.
I'll have children early, and I'll have at least three.
I think I'll have the older ones take responsibility and look after the younger ones.'
I thought it was amazing that she had such a vision.
That friend married at 24 when I was a senior in college.
It was an arranged marriage, and she said they decided to marry the day they met.
'Aren't you anxious about getting married immediately without a dating period?'
When I asked her that, she said,
👩 'You can tell if someone is the right person just by looking into their eyes.'
That was incredibly cool.
I realized that because she had a clear vision, she was able to marry without hesitation.
2. Arrogant people
'Everyone is humble, and while their self-esteem is low, their narcissism is very strong. They don't want to get hurt, they don't want to change.'
'Everyone, the price you put on yourselves is quite high. The feeling of whether someone clicks or not is actually your own self-valuation, seeing the other person like a mirror.'
There are many times I think I was arrogant while marriage hunting, too.
'This person only talks about themselves.'
'Honestly, it's exhausting being with this person.'
When you think it's exhausting to be with someone,
it's because you're thinking, 'I'm not on the same level as someone like this,' isn't it?
Even though, at the moment you are with that person, you are in the same boat.
Even though meeting such people is actually a chance to improve your own ability to handle situations.
It made me feel like I need to tighten my resolve and make sure I don't set my own price too high...
3. Good-natured people who struggle with marriage hunting
'In modern Japan, while visible class discrimination no longer exists, everyone places too much importance on their own values, and everyone is arrogant. On the other hand, the more good-naturedly people live, the more they follow their parents' instructions and let others decide things for them, which leads to them having no sense of self.'
'Because they are good children, they spent their student days seriously and didn't even get a boyfriend because they didn't want to worry their parents. Since they have no accumulation of romantic experience, they can't move when they finally become adults, and because they have only ever lived in an environment protected by their family, they are afraid of others. They don't want to get hurt. Even when they start dating, because they are good children, they cannot be calculating. They are clumsy, so they get outsmarted by others.'
I really empathized with this, thinking, 'There are people like this!'
It's not that those people are bad, but there are many people who you wonder about, saying, 'What are you deciding for yourself? Is that really okay?'
They have listened to their parents seriously and have managed to get by well until now.
However, when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, there are many things that must be decided by oneself.
But they cannot do that.
This is because, until now, they have mostly relied on the opinions of their parents or close friends to make decisions.
As a parent myself, I felt that I must ensure my children can develop independent ways of thinking.
I read in some educational book that said,
'Listen to your parents when you are small.'
'However, saying that you should be able to think and act for yourself once you are grown up to a certain extent is too convenient a way of thinking.'
'Let's make children think from a young age.'
It said.
I remembered those words.
Summary
・Let's become people with a vision
・Let's occasionally reflect on whether we are being arrogant
I read 'Arrogance and Kindness' because my husband likes Mizuki Tsujimura and lent me the book.
I wanted to read it again myself, so I reread it on Kindle.
I recommend it because there are many words that will hit home for those who are or have been marriage hunting.
It might feel like a large volume, but it is easy to read, so you can finish it quickly.
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