【Marriage Agency Experience】 The story of entering a serious relationship but breaking up in 3 months | Lessons learned from this experience
Between the ages of 24 and 29, I used three marriage agencies and matching apps, meeting 143 men.
At 31, I registered my marriage with a man I met through a matching app.
I now have a one-year-old child and am pregnant with my second.
This time, I will talk about the time I entered a serious relationship through a marriage agency at 26, only to break up after 3 months.
Mr. S, whom I met at the marriage agency
I met Mr. S at a marriage agency. His specs were something like this:
・Four years older than me
・Annual income of over 6 million yen at a stable company
・Average-looking
・Outdoor hobbies
He was pleasant to talk to and likable.
The reason Mr. S seemed good to me also had to do with my dating situation at the time.
Mr. S was about the 13th person I had met at this agency.
The people I had met until then were either impossible to like, or I couldn't meet them again even if I wanted to—it was a string of failures...
I was happy to find Mr. S, who was likable and with whom I could have normal conversations.
He confessed his feelings on our third date, and we moved from casual dating to a serious relationship.
Feeling uncomfortable after 2 months of dating
It was fun at first, but around the two-month mark, I started to feel uncomfortable.
Specifically, I felt things like:
・Why can't we have any deep conversations?
・I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and can't relax.
Even when I would talk about something that happened to me, he would just say, "That's how it goes," and the conversation would end shallowly.
I was also bothered by his indecisiveness.
For example:
・He wouldn't decide on dates to meet.
・He wouldn't decide on places to go.
・He couldn't decide on a menu even after we entered a restaurant, etc.
Since I am the impatient type, this bothered me even more.
At one point, on the way back from a date, he said,
👨"I'm so sleepy~"
and leaned his head on my shoulder.
At that moment, I should have thought,
👧"How cute,"
but instead I thought,
👧"Wait, what? His sleeping face isn't even cute, and he's just too weak/effeminate..."
That was when I realized I had lost my feelings for Mr. S.
Struggling with whether to break up
Even after that, I agonized for about a month over whether it was okay to break up so easily.
・I finally met someone I thought was decent at a marriage agency and made it to a serious relationship; should I really turn him down?
・Was my thought that he was weak just a whim, and could I learn to love him again? Am I just being selfish??
However, from the very next date, I completely lost interest.It wouldn't be fair to Mr. S to stay like this, so I made up my mind to break up with him.
Deciding to initiate the breakup talk
Initiating the breakup talk
At the end of our date, we went into a restaurant just to order drinks, and I brought up the topic of breaking up.
👧"I have something I want to talk to you about... I'm really sorry, but I want us to break up."
👨"Why?"
👧"S-san, you are really kind, but I feel like you are slow to make decisions... It's not that you're a bad person, but I thought that maybe we aren't a good match, and that perhaps someone else would be a better fit for you."
👨"I see. Actually, I didn't like you that much either, Akira-san. I was planning on taking my time with marriage as well."
👧'(In my heart) ...!? (Isn't this guy saying something incredibly rude to me right now??)'
👧"Is that so. Well then, it seems like it's better for us to break up."
I forced myself to smile, but inside, I was extremely annoyed.
👧"Shall we leave the restaurant then?"
👨"...I see. But let's stay friends even after we break up."
👧'(In my heart) (Why!? You just said you didn't like me that much, right??)'
👧"Sure... haha..."
After saying that, we parted ways, and on the train ride home, I immediately blocked and deleted S-san's LINE.
Even if it was out of spite for me bringing up the breakup, it was a shock to think that those were S-san's true feelings.
Lessons learned from this experience
Thinking back, there were times when we couldn't set up dates, so there were points that suggested he didn't like me that much.
I learned the following from this experience:
・If you feel something is off, don't ignore it.
・Put into words why you feel that something is off.
・That said, it's a waste to throw away a connection, so try to see if you can learn to like them again through trial and error for about a month.
・If it still doesn't work, then break up.
I was annoyed by S-san's final attitude, but being able to make the decision myself and keep the relationship short was something I did well.
In this relationship, it really wasn't that S-san was a bad person; we just weren't compatible.
I hope that S-san is now living happily with a laid-back wife.
Summary
・Even if you move to a serious relationship, it is important to have the courage to decline if you think hard and decide that continuing the relationship is impossible.
・Surprisingly, even if you agonize over a decision, the other person might not like you that much and might not even be considering your feelings.
This was my first experience initiating a breakup after dating someone.
It sends shivers down my spine to imagine a future where I dragged it out and wasted more than three months.
I'm glad I was able to make the decision at that time.
Of course, it would be a waste to blindly cut off every connection.
However, if you think about it seriously in your own way and decide that it's better to break up, then you should do so.