🍿1. Is it true that you are 'unloved'? What are the 'assumptions' that make marital relationships painful?

Good evening. This is Ayano.

Today, I want to talk about 'assumptions'.

In a marriage, don't you sometimes find yourself overthinking things when you notice a change in your partner's attitude?
For example...

• A slow reply to a text message

• They seem a bit distant? (cold)

• I feel like they aren't listening to me

Then, you start feeling taken for granted... and think, 'Am I not loved?'

But you know, what I want to convey today is,

Is that 'feeling' really a fact?

We make ourselves suffer through our 'interpretations'.

For example, a text message doesn't come back. The fact is simply...

That is all.

But you know, on top of that,

• Are they busy?

• Are they tired?

• Am I... being put on the back burner?

• In the end, I'm not a priority... I'm not loved.

is how we are assigning meaning to it.

In other words, we

are not suffering because of our partner's actions themselves, but are suffering because of our own 'interpretation'.

That is what it means.

The true nature of the glasses of assumption

We all
wear 'glasses of assumption'.

For example, if you wear glasses that say'I am not being cherished',then...

• their reply is slow...

• they look tired...

• they are too quiet...

everything that comes into your view

starts to look like evidence.

But in reality,

• they might just be tired

• they might just be thinking about something

• they might just be overwhelmed with work and have no energy left

• they might have had a fight with their mother...

We don't know the real reason.

When a couple starts arguing about 'who is right,' things become painful.

Listen to this.
I once had a little argument with my husband about how to load the dishwasher (lol).

I have this feeling that...
The dishwasher is... a wife's ally, so it should be able to wash things even if I load them randomly... haha.
I think, 'It will wash just fine with this way of loading!'

But my husband says, 'No, it won't wash properly if you put it like that.'
I think, 'You're so nitpicky!' lol

And then it begins, doesn't it?

The 'who is right' debate.

But thinking about it now, it really doesn't matter (lol).

But you know, what's important is...

'Who is right'

instead of that,

That's what it is. Really.
...And there's this trap too...

...Making assumptions without checking with your partner.

Yes, people are scary.

If you think, 'What if I'm really not loved?'...

You're too scared to check... right?
While wearing your 'assumption glasses,' you don't doubt that 'this is the truth'...
And you find even more evidence to confirm it.

When you do that, you keep piling up 'See?' and 'I knew it.'

The 'wall of assumptions' that piles up makes you think this even more.

• I'm really not loved after all.

• I'm not being cherished this much.

• I can't do this with someone like this anymore

It's scary 😭
You're jumping to conclusions based solely on your own thoughts.

But, in reality,

it might just be that you are interpreting it that way.

There are many people who end their relationships by blaming their partner without knowing the truth.
It's such a waste.
There is nothing like a partnership to help you grow, after all...
To avoid regrets, I want you to at least check.

So that you don't have any regrets... I want you to at least confirm it.

A relationship where you can confirm things like this is incredibly important.

Before you crush the 'love that is there' by telling yourself 'it's not there...!'

If right now,

• you feel uneasy

• you feel anxious

• you feel frustrated

• Why...? I feel lonely and sad...

At times like that,

try to pause for a moment.

Even if your feelings are real,
that interpretation isn't necessarily correct. ^^

Finally

There is no one without assumptions.

Everyone has them.

That is precisely why,

Try asking yourself that.
Your heart will feel a little lighter. ^^

Have a wonderful night 🌕🍿