🌸Side Story 57: Carrying Feelings in the Passenger Seat

As if the heavy snow warning from yesterday morning was a lie,
warm spring sunlight poured in today.

While I was drinking tea
bathed in the morning sun,
the door opened with a bang
and my daughter woke up.

“The weather is nice, let’s go somewhere.”

Yesterday, amidst the snow,
I brought back his belongings from the facility.

Once again, a room
is filling up with my husband’s things.

Touching the ring on my ring finger,
I feel an indescribable emotion.
It seems my daughter felt the same way.

Even though I thought
that things couldn’t go on like this,
I had no energy to go out,
and no energy to organize
the belongings I had shoved away.

Only the “presence” of his things
remained in the room.

I had intended to stay
cooped up at home all day.

“I’ve been collecting stamps
from roadside stations since last year,
and I’m still halfway through.
Since it’s nearby, why don’t we go around together?”

Hmm...
If it’s nearby, I suppose it’s fine.
I want to escape from reality
just a little bit.

“Alright, I’ll get ready.”

And just like that,
we ended up going out.

The morning air outside
is still piercingly cold.

But that coldness
seems to reset my stagnant feelings
all at once,
and I naturally lift my head.

Yesterday’s snow had hardened like ice,
making the ruts bumpy,
but under the sun,
it had begun to melt little by little.

The seasons are moving forward
without ever stopping.

Thinking that,
I got into the car my daughter was driving.

I flip through the stamp book in the passenger seat.

“You’ve gone pretty far, haven’t you?”

“I thought I could go to the nearby ones
anytime,
so I hadn’t gone yet.”

While having that conversation,
we discuss back and forth
where we could fill in next.

We play music,
and set off while singing.

Roadside stations
are packed with the “pride” of that town.
The local products are all different and interesting.
I end up buying things before I know it.

“Mom... I want to eat this...”

With those words,
my wallet loosens easily.

As the stamp book
fills up in a fun way,
my mood lifts along with it.

“Should we go a little further?”

—Well, that’s how it goes, isn’t it?

We were touring inland,
but because the weather was so good,

“I want to see the ocean.”

Before I knew it,
we had extended our trip to the Ororon Line.

“The ocean!”

When we open the windows,
the sound of waves, the smell of the tide, the cries of seagulls.

For us, living in a place surrounded by mountains,
the ocean is that special,
and it’s a reason for our excitement to rise.
We clear the roadside stations along the coastline

one after another.

We went up to the observation deck and looked at the horizon.

A soft sea breeze.
The sound of waves pleasant to the ears.
Different from the deep blue of summer,
a pale light blue sky spreads out.
A crisp scent of the tide.

A single ship sails by,
and the ripples slowly leave a trail.

With all five senses,
I am gently unraveled.

What had been piling up deep in my chest
is loosening little by little.

I feel like I had even forgotten
how to take a deep breath.

I’m glad I came—
I thought that from the bottom of my heart.

When I happened to look down,
there were many large motorcycles
parked in the lot.
The touring season
has already begun.

The sun has started to set.

“Shall we call it a day around here?”
“Since we’re here, let’s eat some seafood before we go home.”

We searched on the navigation system
and went to a nearby sushi restaurant.

Looking at the menu,
oh... quite a price...

My daughter, without hesitation,
“This one. Salmon bowl.”
I chose the seafood bowl.

—I’m sorry for enjoying myself.
Please forgive me today.

I say to my husband in my heart.

We left early in the morning,
and it was around sunset when we arrived home.

The full tank of gas
was down to one-third.

In the car on the way home,
we talked about my husband, who wasn’t there.

We went there, too, didn’t we?
We ate that, too, right?
There were times we suddenly decided to stay overnight, too.

It was always sudden,
and unplanned.
But that was fun, wasn’t it?

Because that whimsical way of going out
was just like my husband.

Again,
the next time we go out—
in the passenger seat,
I’ll carry my husband’s feelings with me.

Let’s go together.