[note Study Group] When Someone Says Something Unpleasant

Chainner-san is hosting the 2nd note study group!

The first session was a study group about comments.
And this time, it's a study group on the topic of "What do you do when someone says something unpleasant to you?"
.

This is a concern not only in the world of SNS,
but also in real life.

I feel that in the world of note,
there are many people who are skilled at
transforming negative things into positive ones.

There are many kind-hearted people,
and people who value words, expressions, and ways of conveying things;
it is a world with many such people.

In such a world, I would like to exchange opinions with various people
and apply them to my daily life and my life on note.

Also, through study groups like this,
I hope it will become an encouragement, support, or a realization for someone.
I hope it spreads in that way.

It sounds like a very fun study group.
Chainner-san, thank you for inviting me!!

Continuing from last time, shogo-san,
and nice to meet you, Shin-chan-san,
I look forward to working with you!!!

How to participate in the 2nd note study group

Theme: "When someone says something unpleasant"

Content: Please tell us your thoughts on the theme.
Your actual experiences, how you handle it, lessons learned, etc.
As long as it is related to the theme, it is basically free.

Deadline: Until March 31, 2023

Method: So that we know you have participated,
please paste the following four articles into your article.
Also, please add the tag: note study group when someone says something unpleasant.

How do you feel when someone says something unpleasant to you?

When someone says something unpleasant, it makes you feel unpleasant.

That is only natural.

If you say something unpleasant to someone, they will feel unpleasant.

This is also obvious.

So, as for myself,
have I not used even one "word that makes someone feel unpleasant"
towards anyone?

Without even needing to think about it, I have used them.

There are times when I use them within my own consciousness, and
I am sure there are times when I use them
without even realizing it myself.

"Conscious" or "unconscious"—
I do not know what proportion these two
make up.

Since I do not even know it about myself,
I think that among the many unpleasant things in the world,
there are surprisingly many cases where there is no malice intended.

That is precisely why,
when you are told something unpleasant, what is important.

One of those things is "not to worry about it too much".

That is how I feel.

What do you think in a case like this?

Among unpleasant things,
naturally, there are those that are intentional, aggressive, and malicious.

How do you feel when such words are said to you?

Malicious words are tough, aren't they?
Even though they have no physical form, they pierce the heart deeply.

As an example,
if a thug with a knife appeared in front of you,
what would you do?

I think I would run away at full speed.

What if you are in a situation where you cannot run away?
For example, if there is no escape route, or you are in a private room,
or there is someone nearby you must protect.
What would you do in that case?

Can you take the knife head-on?
I probably don't think you can.

I think you would probably dodge and deflect it,
or knock it away.

Against a knife wielded with malice,
I don't think you would take it head-on.

Because your body would suffer a fatal wound.

The thug with a knife is just an analogy, but

[WEAPON] Knife -> Words
[TARGET OF HARM] Body -> Heart

Even with these differences,
I think the essential part surely remains the same.

Therefore, regarding aggressive words,
“run away at full speed,”
“do not take them head-on,”
“dodge them,” “let them slide by”

are what is important, or so I felt.

How should one respond?

“Don't worry about it too much”
“run away at full speed,”
“do not take them head-on,”
“dodge them,” “let them slide by”

I feel like these are about the only things
I can do on my own.

That said, it feels a bit vague, or rather,
it feels like it doesn't lead to a direct solution.

So,
I would like to share one response method
that I intend to keep in mind from now on.

When someone says something unpleasant to me.

“When you said that, how do you think I felt?
Have you ever thought about that?”

I am thinking of trying to ask that in return sometimes.

For example,
suppose there is an employee at work who says,
‘I’ll quit this company whenever I want,’ loud enough for me to hear.

Until now, I have completely ignored it, but
“When you say that to me, how do you think I feel? Have you ever thought about that?”

I am thinking of trying to convey those words.

“No.”
If they answer that way, I will say,
“Hey! Please think about me a little bit too! Honestly, it makes me incredibly sad and hurts me!”

“Yes.”
If they answer that way, I will say,
“How do you think I feel? Please tell me.”
Depending on their answer, I will follow up with
“Shall we talk once when we can both speak calmly?”

I am thinking of trying a response like that.
This is just one example, and
I don't know if this approach will turn out well or poorly.

I am writing this down for reference.

Finally

I posted an article like this the other day.

The things written in this article
were happening to me. I was feeling them every day.

They strike home.
So many words. Deeply. Into my heart.
By the time I realized it, I couldn't sleep at night.

When someone says something unpleasant to you.

I think this article I wrote previously
has something in common with this study group.

In the world of note,
and of course in the real world too,
there are many kind-hearted people.

I hope you are not hurt by heartless words.
I hope you can live days like that.

note Study Group “When someone says something unpleasant”
We look forward to your participation!
We are waiting from the bottom of our hearts!!