I Was Directing My Kindness to the Wrong Place

For a long time, I wondered about something.

Why had I ended up in so much pain?

I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I never wanted to be a burden to others either.

I couldn't say no to requests,

and I couldn't leave people in need alone.

That is how I lived my life.

And yet,

before I knew it, I had fallen into depression.

Why was that?

I believe kindness is a wonderful thing.

Thinking of others,

reaching out to those in need,

those things are never wrong.

But looking back now,

my kindness,

was directed in the wrong direction just a little.

I was kind to others.

However, I was surprisingly harsh on myself.

"I have to endure at least this much"

"I must not be a burden"

"Complaining is just being weak"

Those kinds of words,

I kept directing at myself more than anyone else.

I worked hard even when it was painful.

I smiled even when it was tough.

I didn't ask for help even when I wanted it.

I viewed self-sacrifice as a virtue.

I thought that was what kindness was.

But, in truth, it was different.

Kindness is,

not about sacrificing yourself,

but about cherishing yourself.

Saying "I'm struggling" when you are in pain.

Saying "Help me" when you need assistance.

Admitting your limits and taking a rest.

That, too, was kindness.

I was always thinking only of other people's feelings.

So as not to hurt them.

So as not to be a burden to them.

So as not to be disliked by them.

But at the same time,

I had left my own feelings behind all along.

The kinder a person is,

the more they prioritize others.

That is precisely why,

you may become unable to notice,

that you are the one who is hurting the most.

The heart cannot keep enduring pain forever.

The suffering you pretended not to see,

piles up little by little.



Before you know it,

the voice blaming yourself becomes unstoppable.

And when you reach your limit,

in my case, it manifested in the form of depression.

That is why I want to tell you this.

Kind people,

it is okay to be kinder to yourself, too.

It is okay to rest when you are tired.

It is okay to say no.

It is okay to rely on others.

It is okay to voice your weaknesses.

Just as you cherish someone else,

I want you to cherish,


and take care of,

yourself as well.

Please, direct just a little bit of the kindness

that you show to others,

toward yourself, too.

It took me a very long time

to realize that.

So, if there is anyone right now

who is trying too hard,

please stop for just a moment.

Please listen to the voice of your own heart.

That voice,

for a long time,

may have been asking you for help.

And listening to that voice,

I believe, is also a form of kindness.