It seems 'relaxing' is the key.

Right now, I am taking sessions to improve my marital relationship.

I suppose there are sessions couples take together, but I am taking one by myself.
Of course, I haven't told my husband.
(Though the costs are covered by a secret savings account that my husband is unlikely to find out about. If the relationship improves, it should benefit the whole family, so there's no need for it to come out of my own wallet, right?)

I don't want my husband to know that I'm trying to improve our relationship either. Lol

Despite trying to increase our conversations, I am quite secretive.

By the way, as for what I want to improve,
it is that I want to come to love my husband.

Regarding his words and actions toward our children,
"Why won't he do this?"
I often find myself thinking, "I wish he would do more of this," and I feel like every time I give birth and as the children grow, my disappointments are increasing.

It's not that his attitude toward me is bad; in fact, he is often cooperative, which I am grateful for.
So, he isn't a terrible husband, and I can't bring myself to hate him either.

This half-hearted, low level of satisfaction with my partner has been uncomfortable, and I have been troubled by it for years.

Last week, when I had my first session, I was taught something.

That is what it said.

And to become the best partner for myself, I need to know what my personal 'relaxing' points are.

'Relaxing?'

I thought I understood the Japanese word, but I didn't really know what a 'relaxed state' meant for me personally.
The only image that came to mind was relaxing in the bath.

It seems it's fine to use my own interpretation of what makes me feel at ease, relieved, or relaxed.

Since then, every night or the next morning, I look back on my 'relaxing points,' write down three per day, and report them to the teacher via LINE.

At first, I could only come up with things like, 'I felt relieved when I realized I could finally sleep before bed,' but gradually, I've been able to write about various 'relaxing' scenes, and searching for them has become fun.

I've only just started, but I have a hunch that this is going to produce some good results.

And I am starting to be able to trust myself enough to believe that this hunch will surely be right.

Also, this teacher is a woman around my age, but she has a mysterious aura that makes me feel super relaxed even though we just met. I've been chatting away about everything from the start.

I will report on my progress again.