Until I could think, 'I'm glad I'm alive.' A record of my heart and beauty in my 50s

Friday, July 17th, 35°C

I decided from the morning that today would be a 'beauty day' to pamper myself thoroughly.

I had been wearing my hair short and getting perms while growing it out little by little, so I decided to get a straight perm.
When I looked in the mirror after the treatment, my silky straight hair had returned. Just that alone made me realize how my deflated mood was clearing up.
From there, I headed straight to my usual facial salon.
While they applied a cool, comfortable green pack, I felt not just my skin, but my parched heart slowly becoming moisturized as well.
In the mirror, I saw myself with natural brown hair and calm makeup.
Suddenly, my self from a few years ago crossed my mind.
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A few years ago, I was in the depths of depression.
I didn't have an ounce of room in my heart, and naturally, I had zero interest in beauty.
I even found it a hassle to dye my hair, so for a while, I went gray. And a very short cut at that.
'It makes you look old instantly, I'm totally against it!'
My friends were vehemently against it, but at the time, I truly thought, 'That's fine, I don't care anymore.'
However, the waves of my heart didn't end there.
As if I had suddenly switched to a manic phase, an active switch was flipped.
I dyed my hair a reddish brown, painted my nails red, and moved around as if being chased by something. Looking back, that might have been a time when I was being tossed about by the waves of bipolar disorder.
After those stormy days, I am now standing in a very peaceful place.
My hair color is a calm brown. My makeup and nails are modest and simple.
But that doesn't mean it's unsatisfying. I am now able to love this 'modesty' in my own way, very happily.
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It wasn't just my hairstyle and makeup that I had given up on.
I had half-given up on my body, thinking, 'It's too late to diet now, this figure won't change.'
But now, I've started going to a massage therapist for posture correction and have started paying a little more attention to my diet.
The 'Bistro' cooking appliance that came to our home has turned daily cooking from a 'chore' into a 'fun hobby.' I've booked a bread-making class for the week after next.
Once I stopped giving up, 'fun' things gradually increased in my daily life.
I think starting this note was a huge reason why my world expanded in so many directions like this.
As I was stimulated by others' posts and put my own feelings into words, the 'I want to try this' inside me woke up.
For the first time in 30 years, I picked up a guitar again.
Now, I can proudly say, 'My hobby is playing the guitar.'
Even though I was convinced that 'I'll be a paper driver for life and will never drive a car again in my life,' I took a refresher driving course and have been extending the distance of my drives with my daughter.
In my 50s, with child-rearing finished.
A lot has happened. I took many detours.
But now, I truly think this:
'I'm glad I'm alive. Being in your 50s is so much fun.'
Every time my silky hair sways today, I feel like my new season is beginning comfortably once again.

#50s #Essay #Beauty #Hobby #Guitar #EnjoyingLife #GladImAlive #GoodThingsAboutNote