Shige-san the Kind Old Man's Monologues are Light, Deep, and Heartbreaking

After someone leaves this world

there are times when their presence
becomes even
greater.

Shige-san passed away in the spring, right in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The funeral was held quietly, and he departed, seen off only by his family.

A year and a half has passed since then. Shige-san's words live on. No, the weight of those words has only increased.
Shige-san's life before he passed was ordinary. Peaceful days. But precisely because of that, it is full of hints on how to live a rich life.

Shall we take a little peek?

Chapter 1: Shige-san slurping
nyumen on the veranda

Shige-san's favorite food is nyumen.
He makes it a daily routine to slurp
softly boiled nyumen with
plenty of mushroomson the veranda.

The sun is tilting toward the western sky.
The wind was strong today.
Perhaps because of that,
the sweet olive blossoms are scattered all over the garden,
bathed in the setting sun.

Shige-san
suddenly thinks of himself as happy.
While slurping his nyumen,
he thinks he is truly happy.

What is happiness?

Shige-san does not have a high level of education.
He barely finished middle school.

His youth was a series of hardships.
He had no father.
He went to war
and never came back.

While still a student,
Shige-san worked at a military factory,
and when the factory was hit directly by an air raid,
he lost many of his friends.

The faces of those he had been
working with until the morning
were twisted
and covered in blood.

Those of us who survived
cried as we cleared away
the bodies of our friends.

I felt like I was the only one
who had survived.
That thought
tormented Shige-san for a long time.

However,
eventually he started a family
and was blessed with children.

I looked for cheap land in the countryside and
somehow managed to get a house.

Life was not easy.

Right in the middle of raising my children,
I was laid off,
and I sometimes scraped by
by helping an acquaintance with carpentry work.

Back then,
it was tough.

Shige-san smiles bitterly.

When my daughters were in their teens,
they were always rebelling against me.

However,
watching them grow up
was a joy.
I felt like they gave my life meaning.

The only thing that uneducated Shige-san
taught his daughters
was just one thing.

If you keep smiling, you will be happy.
That was the one thing.
A smile attracts happiness.

And,
Shige-san also thinks this.

Life is like the old man who lost his horse.
People
go through ups and downs,
saying they are happy or unhappy.
But,
in the long run, no one knows which one it really is.

Shige-san
slurps his nyumen again.
He slurps the nyumen that his wife always makes for him.

He is wearing a chanchanko. It is the scarlet vest he received for his 60th birthday.
Being someone who takes good care of his things,
Shige-san
wears the same things forever.
The hat and scarf he got for his 88th birthday are his best clothes for when he occasionally goes out.

Once his daughters started working,
life became much easier.
On top of that,
his pension stabilized his life.
Even so,
Shige-san uses his things with the utmost care.

I think I am happy.

He is approaching his 90th birthday.
Recently,
his memory has often become hazy.
His legs have also weakened,
and a cane is essential for getting around.

His pleasures are
pickled plums and nyumen.

Sitting on the veranda,
admiring nature,
he slurps his nyumen.

I am happy.
Shige-san shows a smile.

When people
are struck by misfortune,
they make a big fuss.
Yet,
they do not notice
the small happinesses that visit them every day.

I think

happiness is perhaps just a matter of whether or not you can notice it.

Shige-san thought about it this way.

It is true that my life has had no great successes. No dramatic developments either. I am just living peacefully, growing old like this, and slurping nyumen noodles on the veranda. Now that my daughters have left the nest, it is just the two of us, my wife and me. There is nothing much I want.

Before long, both my wife and I will be gone. It is the way of nature, so it cannot be helped.

Will there be anyone who mourns my death? No. That does not matter at all.

What is important is

being able to die while still thinking of myself as happy.

Shige-san's thoughts always return to the same place.

I finished eating my nyumen.

There are starlings in the garden. Shige-san scatters breadcrumbs. Before I knew it, the sun had hidden itself behind the mountains.

Shige-san slowly stood up, leaned on his cane, and went inside the house.

Shige-san's happy day comes to an end.

Chapter 2: The neighbors love talking to Shige-san

On a mild, sunny day, Shige-san went out for a walk. The gentle sunlight was warm.

On days like this, I walk around the neighborhood. Leaning on my cane, I walk very, very slowly.

Then, I immediately run into familiar faces. Shige-san greets each one of them politely. And then, we chat standing up. Shige-san is the listener. He listens with a smile on his face.

The neighbors love having Shige-san listen to them. He listens to every story with a smile. Complaints about their daughters-in-law, stories about trips, stories about illnesses, happy stories, complaints, and advice. Shige-san nods and listens with a smile. And in the end, he always says this.

Since we are being kept alive, we must be grateful.
Get along with others.
Being healthy and
laughing is the best thing.

In the end,
Shige-san always
talks about smiles.

It's fine to just keep smiling.
As long as you keep smiling,
you can be happy.

Through the sunlight filtering through the trees,
the sunbeams
glitter and shine.

Shige-san even talks to stray cats.
"How are you?"
Meow.
The cat rubs against Shige-san, whom it knows well.
"Good, good. You're doing well. Charm is the best. Everyone loves you."
Purring, the cat looks happy.

Standing and chatting over there,
standing and chatting over here.

Shige-san's walk never ends.

Shige-san's life has been a flat path. Without any grand ambitions, he has spent most of his life in this countryside.

His company went bankrupt and he was laid off, but it was nothing major. Now that he is old, it feels like it was nothing at all.

His daughters
ask Shige-san
if he didn't have any big ambitions
since he was young.
In a tone that is slightly accusatory,
they ask him.

Maybe I did,
maybe I didn't.

Shige-san smiles vaguely.
His daughters look dissatisfied.

But
even conversations like this
are enjoyable for Shige-san.

While tracing his memories,
Shige-san's long walk comes to an end.

Well then,
perhaps I'll take a nap
on the warm veranda this afternoon.

To be able to live
like this,

I am grateful.
Grateful for being kept alive.

Shige-san mutters with a smile.

The neighbors
love talking to Shige-san,
who always listens
with a big smile.

Chapter 3: Shige-san
admiring the last quarter moon

Past the full moon, the moon gradually wanes. When the last quarter moon hangs in the pitch-black sky, Shige-san brings a chair out to the veranda.

His grandchild had come to visit this evening.

"Where did the top part of the moon go now that it's chipped away?"

It seems they couldn't help but wonder about the whereabouts of the moon's fragments.
Shige-san smiled broadly.

"It's just invisible, but it's still there."

Shige-san likes the waning moon more than the full moon. He explains the reason like this.

"If the full moon is a completed moon, the last quarter moon is still incomplete. It is a moon that holds the potential to wax and become a perfect sphere."

The beauty that comes precisely because it is incomplete.

Isn't the world overflowing with such things?
"Potential, love, and kindness are invisible, aren't they? But those are the very things that are important."

His grandchild, still young, didn't quite understand. They didn't understand, but they vaguely remembered something.

Their school teacher had said something like this. It was during art class.

"Look at the space."
It was when they were drawing a picture of a vase.
A colorful bouquet was displayed in the vase.
The space that exists between the flowers. How difficult it was to express that.
However,
by trying to express it, the picture gained a surprising amount of depth, and I felt like I had gotten better.

Each of my friends' pictures had its own space.

The importance of expressing the invisible.

The teacher's words and
Shige-san's words overlapped.

Incomplete parts and blank spaces are
potential.

"Without space or blank areas, there is no joy. The invisible parts are what truly matter."
Shige-san smiled again.

“Yeah! I’m still full of blank spaces. I’ll fill in the missing parts from here on out.”

His grandchild smiled back.

A waning moon can become a crescent moon or a full moon. Perhaps it could even become something other than a moon.
A moon that holds such potential.

Shige-san
pats his grandchild’s head.
as if that lovable blank space existed right there.

The moon shone down as if enjoying the exchange between Shige-san on the veranda and his grandchild. Thinking that it, too, might be able to become something other than a moon. Its heart fluttering with that very thought.

Shige-san looks up at the moon again today.

The missing parts,

the parts that are not invisible but
actually exist,

while thinking of his grandchild’s future.

Chapter 4: The reason why
Shige-san cannot keep animals

Shige-san is known among his neighbors for being an animal lover.

He feeds breadcrumbs to the sparrows that come to his garden and gives food to stray cats that wander in.

And
he narrows his eyes at the sight of them eating happily.
However, he never keeps any himself.

Why is that? If he likes them so much, he should just keep one.

Actually,
Shige-san didn’t know the reason either. He had thought about keeping one, but for some reason, his thoughts would stop right before he did. It was a mystery even to himself.

One time,

Shige-san was working in the field. While tilling the soil, when he reached the edge, he remembered something with an “Ah.” There, white clover was growing.

I killed it.

These words repeated in my head.

I killed the cat.

The words grew louder, until my head ached. It kept getting worse, and finally, Shige-san sat down.

He remembered.

When he was a child, Shige-san once asked his parents to let him keep a pet. However, they wouldn't allow it, saying he couldn't take responsibility for it.

One day,
he found an abandoned cat.
I can keep a pet! That's what he thought.
He had no hesitation.

He decided to keep it hidden from his parents. The cat was so, so cute, and Shige-san would take food from the house and diligently carry it over.

However,
the parting came suddenly.

Just like always,
Shige-san took food from the house and went to the cat, only to be stunned.

A cat that wouldn't move,
a cat that had turned cold,
a cat that wouldn't meow,
it would never lick his hand again.

Shige-san, still just a child,
stood there in a daze.
He was terrified of himself, filled with a cold sense of guilt for having killed it.

It was just so cute.
I want to keep it.
Out of nothing but that selfishness, he had killed the cat.

His parents, who had come looking for Shige-san, made a grave for the cat in the corner of the field and buried it.
White clover was placed on top of the soil.

I killed it.

Eventually,

that memory became part of his subconscious,
acting as a mental brake for Shige-san whenever he thought about keeping an animal.
Later on,
it also overlapped with the deaths of his comrades who died in the war.

I don't have the right to nurture life.
Perhaps that is what he had convinced himself of.

Shige-san picked some white clover. Then, he scattered them over the corner of the field. The white petals fell like snow flurries in the wind.

After that,
Shige-san stroked the surface of the soil.
As if,
to offer a memorial for that cat from back then.
Gently. Gently.

Half-hearted kindness is not kindness.
He muttered to himself.

Shige-san does not keep pets.

But
towards animals,
he is sufficiently kind and cherishes life.

Shige-san,
isn't it about time you
forgave yourself?

Chapter 5: When your teenage grandchild is
lost about their future

My grandchild, who has entered their teenage years,
came to visit for the first time in a while.
Lately, Shige-san has been
struggling a little bit
with how to interact with their grandchild.

"Is school fun?"
"It's okay."

"What's popular at school these days?"
"Nothing much."

"Shall we go shopping together sometime?"
"I'm fine."

"How is your studying?"
"It's rough."

It doesn't turn into a real conversation.

Even so, he keeps smiling. Because he is happy just to be able to talk to his grandchild.

That grandchild asked a rare question.
"Grandpa, what did you want to be when you were a kid?"
They had a slightly serious expression.

"Hmm? Let me see."

Shige-san fell into deep thought. His childhood was right in the middle of the war. He couldn't have dreams or hopes.

A sharp pain stabs at my chest.

The faces of my comrades who died in the war come to mind.
My father, my uncle, my eldest brother.
Faces, faces, faces...

They all died in the war.

"I don't wish for anything. It would have been enough just to be alive."

"What is that?"
The grandson, who didn't get any advice, looks dissatisfied.
But Shige-san didn't mind that, and
continued like this.

"You should do what you love. You should do what you find fun."

The grandson's question stems from his own anxiety and impatience about his future.

Even if you think it's out of reach now, if you work hard, possibilities will follow. The important thing is to believe in your own future.
That's what he wanted to convey.


Dreams can be vague.
They don't have to be perfect.
They can be misshapen.

Sometimes you find them
while you are in motion.

But
you will surely find them, and they will come true.
Yes,
you must believe in yourself.

"What do you do that makes you feel happy?"
Even when asked by Shige-san, the grandson remained silent.

Instead,
he crumpled the career survey paper he brought home from school in his hand.

What is it that I feel is fun?

Facing his own heart.

Soccer.

It came to his mind. He is happiest when playing soccer with his friends. He couldn't imagine high school life without soccer. That's what he thought. Even if there are hardships, soccer supports him. He feels like he wouldn't be himself without soccer.

When I get home,
maybe I'll search for information about the high school soccer team.
A strong desire for the school I want to enter will surely affect my academic performance as well.

"Grandpa, thank you."

"I haven't done anything."

Yeah. But thank you.

My grandchild muttered that and went home.

Shige-san
slurped a mouthful of tea.

Shige-san's heart was warmed by his grandchild's words of thanks.

Chapter 6 Thinking about
Shige-san's love

Chirp, chirp,
the sparrows are calling outside.
The sunlight
streaming into the house is soft.

The day begins.

Shige-san slowly crawled out of his futon.
He went to check the newspaper box.
The newspaper was already gone.
The old woman had taken it.

From the kitchen,
the smell of miso soup drifted in.
When he sat in his chair, even without saying a word,
his usual breakfast appeared.
The newspaper, too.

Rice, miso soup, salad, and preserved food.
And one pickled plum.

That's about how it goes.

Shige-san slurped his miso soup with relish. It was by no means luxurious, but he was satisfied. The last thing he touched was the pickled plum.
He had been with the old woman for nearly 70 years. Every day, he ate a pickled plum.

"You should eat a pickled plum every morning for your health."

The old woman had faithfully kept the promise of that one thing Shige-san said when they were newlyweds. There was no basis for those words.
He just felt like it was true.

Actually,

Shige-san didn't like pickled plums that much. After eating them for 70 years, he had grown quite tired of them.

But
he never said that out loud.

I rarely voice complaints about my wife. I believe that is the secret to a successful marriage.

The pickled plum is my wife's way of showing love.
That is how Shige-san takes it.
That is why
I eat it in silence.

What is love, I wonder.

Loving someone makes you both happy and unhappy.
Love has that much power hidden within it.

Shige-san doesn't understand complicated things.
But
I cannot do anything without my wife.
Besides,
there is someone who cares about my health. That is a joy.

Love is gratitude, I suppose.

Shige-san muttered.

Chapter 7: Shige-san loses his memory

Is the little box of memory, once broken,
gone forever?

The sadness that clung to my memories is gone.
In its place, I have lost the joy as well.
That day came suddenly.

Shige-san is traveling through his youth.

With a smile as innocent as a boy's,
he is wandering through the maze of his memories.

Nice to meet you.

Shige-san greets his wife like that. With a friendly smile.

His wife looks a little sad,
but still answers with a smile.

"Nice to meet you. How are you feeling?"

Shige-san's little box of memories
fell and broke
while he was working in the field,
and it won't go back to how it was.

But
when he can't find his wife,
Shige-san looks for her.
Unconsciously.

His wife says,
“I can't forgive you for forgetting me.
I'll haunt you forever.”

While fuming,
she prepares a meal again today.
And
she puts a pickled plum on the table.

Shige-san
makes a slightly sour face
when he sees the pickled plum, but
he eats it in silence.

The pickled plum is proof of his wife's love.

His wife
talks to Shige-san.
As if weaving new memories together.
Starting over
from scratch again.

“It’s like I’m doing a memory puzzle with my husband.”

Muttering things like this,
his wife snuggles up to Shige-san.
At such
a wife, Shige-san turns an innocent smile.

Who are you?
Nice to meet you. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Chapter 8
The greatest hero, Shige-san, will live on forever

Who comes to mind when you think of a hero?

Half a year has passed since Shige-san passed away. He departed without the memory puzzle being completed.
It was a peaceful end.
Neither his wife nor his daughters
were able to be there at his final moment.

Shige-san
was,
in his lifetime,
a pathetic fatherto his daughters.

He was laid off from his company.
He couldn't even say what he wanted to his own daughters clearly, and was looked down upon.
Once,
he chased after a pervert who had peeked at his daughter in the bath, shouting “Wait!” and dashed out with vigor, but he was immediately left behind and
returned with
a pathetic look on his face, saying “Sorry.” He was completely unreliable.

However,
now, a year after his passing,
Shige-san
has been revived in his daughters' hearts as the greatest hero.
What is a hero?

Having
superior strength to others
and using that strength to save people in trouble.
That is a hero.
Even without special weapons or
special powers,
there are ways to save people.

Shige-san's kindness was
superior to that of others.
With that power,
he would slowly and gently
enter people's hearts
and eventually heal them.
Isn't that
the ultimate item?

Shige-san lost his battle with illness
and passed away.
Like the pushover he was,
he passed away quietly,
without anyone by his side.

At the very end,
none of his family made it in time.

A quiet, quiet funeral
with only his immediate family.
Shige-san's portrait was smiling
happily at everyone.

However,
as time passes,
his presence in people's hearts
is gradually growing.

Just keep smiling,
if you just keep smiling, you can be happy.

This catchphrase of Shige-san's
became a support for his daughters.
The family was cheered up
by talking about Shige-san.
Memories of Shige-san
are healing those who knew him.
He continues to live in their hearts,
and as time goes by,
his presence grows ever larger.

Shige-san
was reborn from a pushover into a hero.
And he is still living on today.
His way of life
was plain,
pushover-like,
and unreliable, but

even so,
after all,
Shige-san is a hero.

His daughter murmurs,
"I won't live my life like my father. I want a more exciting life, and I want to take on many challenges."
And then,
she puts her hands together at the Buddhist altar, saying this in her heart.

Just keep smiling,
if you keep smiling, you can be happy.
Father,
I am happy.

Then,
Shige-san's portrait
smiles even more broadly.

It's okay
to have a hero like this.