How to Graduate from 'The Person Who Can't Keep Going' — Becoming Someone Who Operates Through 'Systems' Instead of Willpower

We often lament that we 'cannot control ourselves.' We want to go to bed early but can't put down our smartphones. We want to study but end up watching videos instead. We think about exercising, but before we know it, we're back on the sofa today. However, self-regulation is not about forcing yourself into submission through sheer grit or willpower. Rather, it is a 'technique' for learning how to get along well with your own mind, body, and future.

First, the foundation of self-regulation is habit. According to behavioral psychology, about half of our daily actions are not consciously chosen but are performed automatically through habit. In other words, the cause of most self-management failures is not 'weak willpower' but 'weak systems.' If an action is automated to the point where it can be done without effort, like brushing your teeth, self-regulation becomes almost unnecessary. Good habits are the 'basic design' of life and are assets that make things easier for your future self.

However, aiming for habituation alone can sometimes wear down your spirit. This is where the importance of finding ways to enjoy the process comes in. Humans are naturally designed to gravitate toward 'things that are fun.' In the brain, dopamine is released the moment we feel enjoyment, which boosts motivation for action. Simply gamifying study, adding your favorite music to exercise, or recording the number of days you've kept it up on a calendar to 'visualize' your progress can stimulate the brain's reward circuitry. 'Fun' is the best lubricant for sustaining action.

Furthermore, to keep things going, a feedback mechanism is essential. By reflecting on the results of your actions and putting them into words or grasping them through numbers, the brain learns the 'causality between action and result.' For example, just by doing a small weekly review, you can see 'what actions were effective' and 'where there is room for improvement.' Research in cognitive science shows that visualizing results has the effect of strengthening the continuation of behavior. Feedback is the process of becoming your own coach.

The driving force behind that action is the expectation of the future. When the future is dark and blurry, it becomes difficult for people to even take a single step. Conversely, when you have a clear vision, such as 'I want to be like this in six months' or 'It would be wonderful if I could become this kind of person,' meaning is born in your small efforts today. The 'fuel called hope' that your future self gives you becomes the power that supports your present self. A goal is a compass for drawing the future closer and is what gives you the reason for 'why you are doing it.'

However, when setting goals, there is no need to seek perfection. In fact, behavioral science suggests a tendency that 'regret for not acting lasts longer than regret for acting and failing.' It is better to regret having done something than to regret not doing it—this saying is not just a matter of mental attitude, but is also supported by psychology. People learn from failure, but nothing is gained from the void of not having tried. That is why, when in doubt, you should move in small ways. Choose progress, not perfection. 'Regret from doing' turns life into experience.

And we must not forget the fact that self-regulation is not just a matter of the mind, but is deeply influenced by the state of the body. If blood flow is poor, oxygen supply to the brain and neural transmission decrease, and willpower is significantly weakened. When you improve blood flow through light exercise, deep breathing, stretching, warm drinks, or bathing, your concentration increases, your emotions stabilize, and your willpower recovers. When you feel like you 'don't have the motivation,' it is not laziness, but in some cases, it is 'a lack of bodily fuel.' Willpower is not just a mental concept; it is also a physiological phenomenon.

Self-regulation is not a technique for binding yourself.
It is 'creating an environment' to walk toward the future you desire, naturally and without strain.

Set the foundation with habits, light the fire with enjoyment, correct your course with feedback, and pull your heart forward with expectations for the future. And by understanding and tuning the mechanisms of your body and brain, we can lead ourselves more gently.

Governing oneself is not about tormenting oneself, but about continuing to choose ways to treat oneself with care.