I Love You for Being Straightforward About What You Love

"What is the most fun thing you've ever experienced in your life?"
"What is the most heart-pounding thing you've ever experienced?"

If I had to answer those questions,
it would be the times when Nagi-chan was by my side.

I first met Nagi-chan in my third year of high school.
We went to the same high school. Until our second year, we were just "friends of friends"; we knew of each other, but we had never spoken.
Nagi-chan, whom I would pass in the hallway, wore her skirt without folding it (most girls at our school folded theirs) and wore glasses, so she gave off a serious impression.

Even now that we are "best friends," I still think she is serious.
Often, after talking our hearts out, we reach the conclusion that "we are both so serious, aren't we?"
But I feel like she is quite different from the impression I had of her back then.

The spring of our third year, a new class.
At first, I didn't have many close friends, so I was a little anxious.
I was sitting in the back seat according to the attendance number order,
and Nagi-chan approached me from the front and spoke to me.
I don't remember exactly what she said.
But when we looked back on those days, she told me, "I wanted to get to know you, I really wanted to talk to you."
I had assumed she was a quiet girl, so I was surprised and happy.
I tend to avoid the people I want to get to know rather than talking to them, so I admire that quality in Nagi-chan.

Last year, when we went to see the play "Kimi ga Kimi de Kimi de Kimi wo Kimi wo Kimi wo" together, she told the director, Daigo Matsui, with sparkling eyes, "Someday, I want to give sunflowers to the person I admire!"

The year before last, when we went to the release event for "MUTEKI" by Seiko Oomori, whom we both love, she managed to put everything she wanted to say into words within the limited time.

Even though she was saying "What should I do, what should I do" while waiting in line to talk to her, she knows how to step up when it counts.
She also actively comments on the social media accounts of the celebrities she likes on Instagram and Twitter.
She is truly cool.

There is an event where I was given courage by Nagi-chan, who is able to "tell the people she likes that she likes them" in that way.

March 27th of this year.
As soon as we met, she gave me a letter and flowers as a birthday present. They were in my signature color.

(By the way, my birthday is March 18th🎂)

While we were eating, we started talking about how "Heisei is ending soon."
I said, "A friend told me before, 'You should meet the people you want to see while it's still the Heisei era!' and I thought I wanted to see my friends from elementary and junior high school, but I still haven't contacted them."
She said, "Let's do it now! I'll do it too!"
Now!? No, no, no, but I haven't seen them in about 10 years, and although I have their LINE, I've never contacted them once, it's impossible~~!! I thought,
but I knew that if I were alone, I would definitely never have contacted them.

At the second bar we went to, we thought about the messages we wanted to send to the people we wanted to see.
Nagi-chan said she had already "sent it," and I was so nervous that I was shaking and crying, thinking, How can you do that so easily!! It's impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible...
This was the most heart-pounding thing I've ever experienced in my life.

After making a huge fuss, it took quite a while until I pressed the send button.
And when I finally sent it, she told me, "You showed some real guts!" and I laughed while crying.
Truly, truly, that friend often appeared in my dreams, and I had always wanted to see her someday. Because she was someone I liked but had avoided on my own, being able to contact her was very scary, and very happy.

After that, I was able to meet her.
Furthermore, after that, I was able to meet her again with another old friend I wanted to see.
(Just in time for the Heisei era! lol)
If Nagisa hadn't been there, this dream wouldn't have come true.
I am also grateful to the friend who told me, "You should meet the people you want to see while it's still the Heisei era!"

Nagi-chan's real name is Nagisa.
At first, I read her nickname "Nagi-Nagi" backwards and called her "Gina-Gina."
From around the summer of our third year of high school, I called her "Nagisa" for a long time.
About a year ago, after we started playing a "playboy game" where she would ask things like "Nagi-chan, do you love me?" on her own, I started calling her "Nagi-chan."

I'm sure there are parts of us that are incredibly relatable,
but I think we became such good friends because we each have things the other lacks.

When I told Nagi-chan, 'I was told this (hurtful thing) the other day,' she got angry on my behalf, saying, 'Who on earth would say something like that?!'
Whenever I have a bad experience and vent about it, she always gets more annoyed than I do.
And sometimes, she gives me her opinion with a fair and objective eye, saying, 'I can see where the other person is coming from on this part.'

I almost never get angry. Even when something bad happens, I just think, 'Well, I'll be fine!' Sometimes that saves me, but
maybe, in truth, I want to be able to get properly annoyed more often.
That's why, when Nagi-chan puts it into words, I sometimes understand my own feelings. It feels refreshing.

There was even a time when I just mentioned, 'I have a headache,' and she went as far as to say, 'You should go to the hospital! If you need the courage to go, I'll go with you!'
Whenever I even slightly mention feeling unwell, she worries about me more than I do myself.

I'm not capable of offering that much comfort to others. Even when I feel for them, I find myself thinking, 'What should I say to them?'
No, in reality, I think I'm just not fully capable of imagining other people's pain.
That's another thing I don't have, but Nagi-chan does.

The most fun I've ever had in my life.
That was the 9-day, 8-night trip to Okinawa I took with Nagi-chan during the summer break of my second year of university.

We stayed at a guesthouse, rented bicycles to go from Naha to American Village, and watched comedy at 'Okinawa Kagetsu'...
While we went to the places we had planned in advance, things didn't go exactly as scheduled, and that was what made it fun.

And above all, I was happy that we were able to interact so much with the local strangers we happened to meet.

(☝️ A map I drew for a university assignment. It introduces the places I went to around Kokusai Dori and the people I met.)

If anything, we are both introverted and shy.
But in Okinawa, we were able to be more proactive than usual.
Nagi-chan said, 'I want to talk to that lady!' at the guesthouse's izakaya, and she went over to talk to her.
We ended up drinking until late at night with that person and three other customers, making a group of five.
Even then, Nagi-chan had the courage to reach out.
Because of that trip, I fell in love with Okinawa. And I was able to like myself a little more, too.

July 12th of this year.
I went to Osaka with Nagi-chan.
After eating takoyaki and climbing the Tsutenkaku Tower, we went to see a concert for Kis-My-Ft2, whom Nagi-chan loves.

That night, Nagi-chan talked about how she 'doesn't have confidence in herself and can't like herself.'
While she had a great time, it seems she felt the gap between herself and the Kis-My-Ft2 she admires.
It's true that I sometimes feel painful when comparing myself to those I admire.
But it's not about what Nagi-chan can or cannot do.
When I'm with Nagi-chan, I feel like it's okay for me to be myself. It's okay to like the things I like.
It's okay to honestly say what I want to say. It makes me feel like it's okay to be alive.

I want Nagi-chan to spend her days as happily as possible.
She doesn't need to become Kis-My-Ft2. I want Nagi-chan to just be Nagi-chan.

Recently, for the first time in about five years, I visited Nagi-chan's home.
In her room filled with Kis-My-Ft2, there was a space where she had displayed the letters and handmade charms I had given her.
I don't have anyone I'm so obsessed with that I'd plaster my walls with their posters.
I'm not capable of liking people that much, and I'm not good at expressing it openly either.
But Nagi-chan is straightforward about what she loves.
I'm not a fan of Kis-My-Ft2, but when I was in that room filled with the things Nagi-chan loves, I felt very happy.
And I was happy that I was included in that room.

I want to live honestly like this, too.

Nagi-chan once told me something like this.

Yeah.
I might feel like giving up on what I love or running away again.
But as long as Nagi-chan is here, I'm sure I'll be okay.
I want to keep loving what I love.
I'll follow Nagi-chan's example and start expressing it. First of all,

Nagi-chan, I love you so much!!