Alone

I really am not cut out for living. A senior colleague left early because her daughter had a fever, and I couldn't refuse the extra work, so I ended up staying this late. I was reprimanded for an email that was misinterpreted, and a male colleague from my intake casually touched my upper arm. On the way home, I was shoved around on the Chuo Line. At 1 a.m., the sound of the last train makes me cry. Society always hurts me, and I am always alone.

Unfortunately for you, you are not alone. There is an "alone" on the train, perhaps an "alone" crying in the next room, and there are over 100 million "alones" living in this country. Hundreds of millions of "alones" have lived until now, and hundreds of millions more will be born in the future.

Because you were careful not to shove, someone was able to hand over a bouquet of flowers. Because you shoved a half-finished coffee into an already full trash can, the contents splashed onto the cleaner who opened the lid. Because you took on that work, a senior colleague's daughter was saved from a seizure.

As long as people live, both joy and sorrow are caused by others. No matter how much you try to escape, people can only live within society.

Society.

I have always hated "society." There are powerful people who create the systems in this society, and I have no choice but to live within those systems. When I muttered, "I feel uncomfortable with society," I got a lot of likes.

What I have come to realize recently is that "society" and "politics" are nothing more than a collection of "alones." It is not magic. Not only what I have done, but also what I have not done, creates someone else's "society." For example, the time I just gave a bitter smile when a colleague touched my shoulder. No one sets out to make society worse by doing bad things. Everything starts with, "I had no other choice."

That is why there is something I want to try. It is to stop using quotation marks.

Instead of keeping my distance and talking about "society" to maintain my own peace of mind, I will speak of society. Even if I get hurt, I will move closer. When we act for the sake of "society," we tend to gloss over things in the name of "righteousness," but if it is for the sake of society, we can be critical. I want to do more than just wear a badge on my suit or make "a sustainable society" a research theme; I want to look at a sustainable society and think about the individuals living in the future. If I don't, it will become a society for "society" rather than for the individuals.

Society is not something other than you; it is you yourself. You, who cried yourself to sleep last night, and you, who are constantly being hurt. You are bigger than you think.