The story of how I became almost exclusively breastfeeding after being told 'It's okay to stop breastfeeding' Part 2

Here, I would like to record the problems I faced after being discharged from the hospital.

Since it's full of worries and gets a bit gloomy, I would like to state the conclusion first.
By the time my baby was one month old, they were able to drink vigorously with a wide mouth, and perhaps because we both grew, they were suddenly able to breastfeed directly around a month and a half.
I can think now that I should have just believed that 'someday they will suddenly be able to do it,' and spent my time optimistically while relying on formula, without worrying so much.
(*Of course, I couldn't even think like that at the time, haha)

For one month after being discharged, I returned to my parents' home and worked on breastfeeding (?) in tandem with my mother.

I am very grateful to my mother, who worried about my breastfeeding problems as if they were her own, or rather, even more than I did.
(On the other hand, I am the optimistic type, and my mother is the meticulous type. Thinking back now, due to my postpartum mental state at the time, there were parts where I worried more than usual.)

Things I was worried about during the neonatal period

• Nipple confusion

• Disliking the nipple shield

• Breast refusal

• Breast milk supply not increasing

• Practice removing the nipple shield -> Not going well at all and breast milk supply not increasing

They are all similar problems, but to me, each one felt like a major issue, haha.
Here are the details one by one ↓

● Nipple confusion

I think this is a challenge many people face, but since I was using three types (nipple shield, baby bottle, and my own nipple), perhaps because the texture and shape were all different, I confused my newborn baby, and even though they were able to drink, they would often suddenly stop latching on.
The solution that worked for my child was 'to continue patiently so as not to let them forget any of them.'

● Disliking the nipple shield

I struggled until they would latch on. Because of my feeling of 'please drink,' I would put too much strength into the hand supporting their head, and they would dislike that. A complete vicious cycle.
Even when they latched on well, they would let go in the middle, so the 'nipple' (nipple shield) would come off.
With all that, it was quite a struggle to get them to suck for 10 minutes on each side. Precious breast milk would also leak out from the gap with the 'nipple'.
I was greatly helped by the 'nipple,' but there were some difficult aspects (attaching it, breastfeeding, washing and disinfecting it, etc.). On the other hand, thanks to the 'nipple,' it seemed like my nipples stretched a little.
When they disliked it, it might have been easier mentally if I had just given up and pumped. (Of course, I couldn't switch my feelings that easily at the time.)

● Breast refusal

In the third week after birth, they refused the breast itself. Being disliked was painful.
Deciding there was nothing I could do, I decided to buy a breast pump. (I was hesitant because they are expensive, but thinking back now, a breast pump is an item that should be bought before birth.)
In the evening, my mother ran to Aeon to buy one for me.

● Breast milk supply not increasing

Around this time, if things were going well, I was only producing about 30cc from both breasts. To increase breast milk secretion, I breastfed (or pumped) more than 8 times a day. Since they wouldn't latch on, I was pumping with all my might.
(At the one-month checkup, a midwife taught me that breast pumps can sometimes lead to a decrease in breast milk supply compared to having the baby suck directly.)

● Practice removing the nipple shield -> Not going well at all

I knew I should really be doing it every day, but
they would dislike it and cry, and I couldn't 'latch on' at all. (If they could stay latched for 5 seconds after latching on, that was at the level of 'well done.')
It really took a lot of spirit.
-> Later, I had an opportunity to talk to a veteran midwife, and
when I told her it was at a pace of about once a week,
she said, 'It's fine to just let them lick it a little bit at every feeding.' (I was very saved by being told that it was fine to just let them lick it.)

Before I knew it, my head was filled with 'breast milk, breast milk, breast milk...' and
there were times when I would suddenly come to my senses and wonder, 'What am I aiming for?'
Right around that time, my mother said to me in tears, 'Aren't you pushing yourself too hard?' (it seems it was painful for her to see me so bound by breastfeeding),
and I let out all the things I had been bottling up without realizing it, crying until I was sobbing.
(I felt relieved)

That was how I reached my one-month checkup.
During my interview with the midwife (who was very kind),
I explained my current breastfeeding situation, such as the fact that I was using a nipple shield
and that I was working hard at pumping to make up for the frequency, and I consulted with her about what I could do to breastfeed directly given my current state.

Although she gave me a lot of positive advice,

she said, 'You've already worked hard enough, I think it's okay to stop now.'

So, it was finally said to me...
I was finally given the option to quit...
I thought.
However, at that moment, I naturally felt that I wanted to continue breastfeeding based on my own choice.

Then, half a month later, naturally,
a time came when I could get a 10-second latch on the left side,
a few days after that, I was able to get a 30-second latch on the right side,
a few days after that, I was able to breastfeed directly on the right side three times a day,
and a few days after that, I was breastfeeding directly on both sides... and so
the time and frequency I could do it increased rapidly.

To be continued

(Aside)
Since I've been using the words 'boobs' and 'nipples' so much up to this point,
I'm nervous about whether I'll get banned lol