The Story of When You Were Born

This is a birth record dedicated to my irreplaceable child.

It has already been three months since you were born, and your first Christmas has arrived. It passed so quickly.
I had actually intended to write down the story of when you were born right after you arrived. It is a bit late, but I would like to record it here as a substitute for your first Christmas present.

When September came, I spent every day feeling nervous, thinking you could be born at any moment. I tried doing stretches, and since the days were so hot, I would walk to the shrine at night to pray.
But you kept growing steadily without any signs of arriving, and finally, the doctor said, 'You might be 3800 grams, so let's use medicine to induce labor.'

September 9th, the day before I was admitted to the hospital. On the way back from the hospital, I went to eat curry with your father. I had read that it might trigger labor, so I tried it, but in the end, it had no effect. Still, it was delicious, so it became a good memory.

The 10th. I went to the hospital with your father, both of us feeling nervous, and I started taking one pill every hour in bed. There were times when I felt like labor pains were starting, but I was still able to watch TV and felt well enough to eat all my meals.
Since the pain faded away, I had your father go home, and I stayed at the hospital overnight. Perhaps because of the medicine or the anxiety, I woke up in the middle of the night with stomach pain. When I was sitting on the bed, a midwife came on her rounds and told me, 'You'll have a better birth tomorrow if you get some solid sleep,' but I couldn't really fall asleep and morning came.

The 11th. This time, it was decided that I would receive the medicine via an IV drip instead of pills. However, they couldn't easily find a spot to insert the needle, and they poked my arm four times, which was very painful. The bruises from this remained for a while, and everyone was surprised later.

Around 8 o'clock, the head doctor managed to give me the injection, and by a little after 10 o'clock, my stomach started to hurt, but at this point, I was still able to look at the monitor and think about things like what level the current pain was at or if the baby's heartbeat was okay.

As time passed, however, it became increasingly painful, and when the pain hit, I had to squeeze my eyes shut and grip the armrests of the chair to endure it. The midwife only came by occasionally, and in my heart, I was calling out for your father to hurry.

Around noon, when your father finally arrived, the pain had become quite intense, and I was screaming. The midwife came to check on me but said it was still too early, and from then on, I was too terrified to look at the clock.

When the pain came, I would writhe and curl up, and when the wave subsided, I would pant for breath; that cycle continued for a long time.
Your father rubbed my back as he had been taught, but perhaps because it drew my attention to where I was being touched, I felt like I couldn't escape the pain and suffered.
But thinking about it now, that was what helped the labor progress, so I am grateful to your father for being by my side.

I must also be grateful to the midwife.
In the middle of it, it seems you had rotated because I was curled up on my side, and the midwife pressed down firmly to correct your position.
I got angry and shouted that it hurt, but I really should have been thanking her. At the time, I had no such composure.

As time went on, I could hear the head doctor saying, 'If we wait a little longer and it doesn't work, let's go with a C-section.'
The midwife was saying, 'We can deliver with a vacuum extraction without cutting the abdomen.'
I wanted to be freed from this pain as soon as possible, and since I had just seen a video online about a baby who passed away after multiple vacuum attempts, I told the midwife, gasping for air, 'A C-section is fine, vacuum extraction is dangerous for the baby,' but she replied, 'Both methods have risks,' and I ended up suffering for a while longer.

When the waves came, there was an incredible pain as if my abdomen were being pried open, but when the waves subsided, I felt a bit lightheaded.
I had learned online a little while ago that because childbirth is such tremendous pain, the human body is designed to create something like an internal brain anesthetic to make you feel a bit better, so I was impressed that this was what that was, even while I was hyperventilating.

Toward the end, my consciousness was fading, but finally, about three midwives came and started telling me, 'Close your mouth! Push!' and I could see hope that it would be over soon.
I wanted to be relieved of the pain, and more than anything, I thought you might be suffering too, so I gave it my all, and for the first time, I was praised for doing a good job.

Leaning on your father's shoulder, I moved from the bed to the next room, and after repeating the pushing a few more times, before I knew it, about ten people, including doctors and midwives, had gathered.
I heard later that they had even prepared for surgery. But one midwife insisted, 'It's okay! She can deliver!' It seems I was very lucky to have so many people gather.

It seems they inserted an IV into my other arm and cut open the exit for the baby, but by this time, the pain was too intense for me to really understand.
The waves of pain came a few more times, and I think they used a machine to suction you out. I was exhausted, saying, 'Just a little break, let me rest.'

However, what I remember clearly is when I heard the head doctor say, 'If the next one doesn't work...'
When I thought that you might be in danger, I felt strongly in my heart that that must never happen, and that even if something happened to me, I would definitely deliver you on the next try.

The pain came again, the doctor used the machine, the midwife got on top of me and used her weight to push you out, and I squeezed out every last bit of my withered strength, squeezing and squeezing...

5:56 PM. After a two-day battle, you were born.

I was relieved, thinking about how such a big baby had been in my stomach, and hoping you would cry and breathe soon, and while I was thinking all these things, you cried right away. You didn't weaken during the long labor, and you were healthy after you were born, so I was deeply grateful.
The midwives took you to another room, and your father went with you; I heard you were even held by him before I knew it.

I still had post-birth procedures to go through, and I groaned in pain for quite a long time again. But compared to just a moment ago, it was bearable, and I could finally feel at ease knowing you were born safely.

Finally, finally it was over, and I was able to hold you too. I wonder what the first words I said to you were. I think I said something like, 'You did your best,' but in any case, it was a feeling that I still couldn't quite believe.

There was a while where I was lying in bed, then your father came over, and soon you arrived, and that was when your father suggested your name. We didn't decide right away, but your name is the one from that moment.

You were opening and closing your mouth, so I wondered if something was wrong and asked the midwife, who said, 'I think they might be hungry.' Since you were a baby who would move in response to food even when you were in my belly, I laughed, thinking you were a little glutton after all. I remember telling you, as you started to cry, that I would teach you patience from the very beginning.

After that, the time until discharge passed in the blink of an eye.
The postpartum nights when I couldn't sleep despite being in pain here and there. The delicious meals I looked forward to every time. The milk room where I took you while you were crying because you were in the same room as me, crying every 30 minutes or an hour at night, and breastfeeding wasn't going well. It was tough, but the love I felt for you far outweighed that, and just looking at you brought tears to my eyes.
I don't think I will ever forget the scenes that remain in my memory.

Thank you for being born.
Thank you for growing up healthy.
You have brought me more happiness than I deserve. So, I am the one who should be grateful, and I don't intend to hold the fact that I gave birth to you over your head by writing this.
I wrote this so that I can always remember, and so that if you ever want to know about the time you were born, you can read it.
Your family and the people at the hospital gave us so much help. You were also a very hard worker yourself. Please continue to live a strong and healthy life, while being helped by many people along the way.